1301. Santo in The Treasure of Dracula (1969)

[BruceLeePullen]

Thread Directory continued…

Episode 822- Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

The last episode in season eight and one of the best. I’ve always respected Raul Julia as an actor even in this clunker. Lots of memorable moments in this one. Thoughts anyone?

1002. Girl in Gold Boots (1968)

In the heat of my Sci-Fi Channel binging, Girl in Gold Boots (1968) gobsmacked me in those old familiar ways. Riffs that won’t quit, a Black Hole of a movie, endearing Host Segments, and a flair for slow roasting till the cheese falls off the film. The selection felt like a time machine from the mid-90s. Exploitation, non-existing quality, sleaze in color, and no Science Fiction or Horror in sight. I was stunned and still am. A doozy of an episode and an all-time standout, Gold Boots shimmies “T…

1003. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

And I took The Neverending Story (1984) as grim. A blending of two projects by director Kenneth J. Berton, Merlin’s Shop (1996) merges Berton’s The Devil’s Gift (1984) detailing the destruction caused by a toy monkey with cymbals into an anthology story bookended and interrupted by Ernest Borgnine. Kenneth guts his Devil’s Gift forming the second half of Mystical Wonders pruning large sections not even sparing the ending where David and Michael die in a house explosion. The new hybrid shoves Mer…

1006. Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues (1985)

It slipped by me in 1999. Decades after, I finally witnessed Charles B. Pierce’s vision. What there is of it. Look At Me: The Movie. With Bigfoot and Son. Pierce has a fondness for narration. Noteworthy in The Legend of Boggy Creek (1973) and The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976). Vern Stierman voiced those and as annoying and obvious as he was Pierce trumps him as his own narrator in The Legend Continues (1985). Throw in Pierce directing, producing, starring, and lighting the set, it dawns on yo…

1008. Final Justice (1985)

Angels Revenge (1979) helmer Greydon Clark pours us another round of Joe Don Baker. Clark cameos as the Sheriff shot in the opening minutes and his unique mash of crime and cop films is criminal. Homespun wisdom, Spaghetti Western seasoning, cliches upon cliches. This sings MST3K and delivers. “Some enchanted evening!”, “Can I get a balloon?”, “The Ugly, the Ugly, and the Ugly.” “Owner of a Lonely Heart”, “Same Shot Used Twice”, Mike re-enacting Joel’s Goodbye from Mitchell (1975). Full circle o…

1012. Squirm (1976)

The penultimate experiment of the Sci-Fi Years. A Case of Spring Fever, Mikey the Mike Sprite, Tom plauged by Southern Belle-ness, Crow wearing HIGH heels. “JEDDDDD!!!”, “Jame Gumb rents this shack!”, “ISN’T SHE LOVELY?” Oozing atmosphere, Squirm (1976) needles you and it isn’t pretty. A fan of it, I once travelled to a screening in Pennsylvania and met Jeff Lieberman and he signed my Blus of Squirm, Blue Sunshine (1978), and Just Before Dawn (1981). While there, he hadn’t lost his irritation on…

1013. Diabolik (1968)

The end of the line. Or so we thought. Mike and the Bots’ Last Dance with Mary Jane. “One more time to kill the pain…” Going out on a psychedelic 60s movie, Diabolik (1968) crackles stem to stern. The Morricone music (“Gonna go to the store!”, “Gonna pick up some bread!”), the lovemaking (“Paper cuts are brutal”, “The young Alan Greenspan!”), press conferences (“Dan Quayle announces his candidacy.”) Pearl’s handbook, packing their bags, the Mads new job opportunities. I couldn’t be happier how g…

1101. Reptilicus (1961)

Seventeen and a half years passed between Seasons 10 and 11. A bulk of us hadn’t a clue it would ever be back or that the father of modern film riffing Joel Hodgson might be its face. In a month of crowdfunding, the Kickstarter and Backer Add-Ons raised 6.3 million collectively and on December 11th, 2015, we had money for 14 new episodes of MST. A year and change of work resulted and in February and March 2017 Red Carpet Screenings of Reptilicus (1961) played to select backers in NYC, Chicago, a…

1102. Cry Wilderness (1987)

Buzzing in the wake of Reptilicus (1961), I binged on. Turkey Theremin, Carvel Ice Cream Clock, Cry Wilderness Cereal, Red Crow stealing Jonah’s Backjack. The care put into it read off every line. Joel Era Mystery Science alive and well modernized to today. “The last Borders Bookstore customer”, “BANG!”, “Alfred Hitchcock’s The Bird.” A sequel to Pod People (1983) or The Legend Continues? [image]

1103. The Time Travelers (1964)

“Ib Melchior? The man behind Reptilicus?” Yes Jonah. Who else? A bunch of lame scientists and a wormy sidekick are stranded in the future. Dr Crow’s Edible Silica Packets, Afterlife Alert, Seminar on Time Safety, Jonah constructing a new line of robots. Is this 1993? “Aah! Right in the Ketchup packet!”, “Somewhere out there!”, “Ladies and Gentlemen… The Blandtastic Four.” “MERRY ANDERS!!! ONE AND ALL!!!” or “You are watching the Venetian Blinds Channel”? [image]

1104. Avalanche (1978)

From one Franken wimp to another, Danny is now McDade. Instead of wasteland, we have snow. Priced at $6.5 million, Roger Corman shrunk Avalanche (1978) in cost. Filmed around the Purgatory Resort north of Durango, Colorado, it was rushed to finish in 8 weeks. Once in theaters, audiences supposedly laughed when Stryofoam appeared. Starring Rock Hudson, Mia Farrow, and Robert Forster, the expected smash underperformed at the box office. Mad Bots, Mouth Vacuum, the Don la Font-aine 3000, Neil Patri…

1105. The Beast of Hollow Mountain (1956)

Leaving the Rockies for Mexico. A story concept by Willis O’Brien. This is the earliest mashup of cowboys and dinosaurs in movies. Currently the oldest film spotlighted in the Netflix or Gizmoplex seasons, The Beast of Hollow Mountain (1956) defies true badness till the final reel. The Disco Cannon, The Titanic Hot Water Cannon, Tom and Crow’s Monster Pitches, the Mexican Themed Fashion Show. “More brains!”, “Stephen King’s Children of the Maize”, “Aista La Vista, Baby.” “Establishing Shot: The …

1106. Starcrash (1978)

Departing the West and beaming to Space, “Star Wars… This isn’t Star Wars… Even with Plummer it’s not even CLOSE!!!” George Lucas dreamed a dream. One only he be!ieved in. Alan Ladd Jr stood behind him, his wife Marcia, and John Williams, but that’s it. The board at Fox tried to stop his 5 Million Dollar Space Opera even after it was greenlit citing commercial prospects and silly premise. George soldiered on undeterred finishing photography as Fox shut down the production. Releasing the film ran…

1107. The Land That Time Forgot (1974)

The Robinsons become the Marshall Family. Co-financed by American International Pictures and starring Doug McClure, John McEnery, Susan Penhaligon, Keith Barron, and Anthony Ainley, The Land That Time Forgot (1974) emerged as the first of three Edgar Rice Burroughs adaptations by Amicus Productions. Shot at Shepperton Studios for 16 weeks, hand puppets were used on the creatures to produce fine detail and a greater fluid motion to the dinosaurs. A small VistaVision camera recorded the monster ba…

1108. The Loves of Hercules (1960)

Jonah’s Hercules Movie. A try to capitalize on the Steve Reeves Hercules (1958) craze by casting Jayne Mansfield and her husband in the main parts, The Loves of Hercules (1960) steers Greek Mythology into Game of Thrones land. The Chief Minister of Ecalia betrays his own king, setups up Hercules, and plays events to his advantage as love blooms on and off screen. Oracles, Amazons, the Underworld, myth or Days of Our Greeks? Wings, Fried Turkey Dunk Tank, Mexican Jumping Beanbag Chair, Whether To…

1109. Yongary, Monster from the Deep (1967)

South Korea’s answer to Godzilla. Wedding, Itch Ray, “CAPSULE!!!”, Petroleum fills the monster’s needs. Watch out for Mr. Clean! He may hold the answer. Dream journal, Tiny Desk, Hitler Coffee, Astronauts’ Music Tastes, Yongary Nights. “This feels like the kind of music they play when Kirk goes to one of those make-out planets”, “Wait, it’s over? Did we just skip to the end of the movie?”, “Don’t Cry For Me South Korea!!!” “Wow that is a long title” or Yongary, Monster from the Deep (1967)? [i…

1110. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

Among ten pictures Roger Corman produced in Argentina in the 80s beginning with Deathstalker (1983), Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985) goes full 80s. Child hero, nefarious baddie, adult sidekick, fantasy. Fully cut the footage lasted 58 minutes. Corman ordered several editors to cull whatever was serviceable from his earlier sword and sorcery fare and a 15-20 minute prologue was born. Max’s discovery, Verbal Smoke Bombs, The Sponsor Clock, Warrior Nicknames, “The Magic in You”, Letters. “Mortal…

1111. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)

When at a wedding reception attended by Roger Corman, writer of Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985) Ed Naha once recounted reminiscing with Roger on Wizards and Corman confessing “Oh, y’know that did very well in video. We filmed the sequel!” “Second verse, same the first”? Stock footage, entire scenes and battles reused and dubbed over from other Corman flicks, plot and props snatched from Deathstalker (1983) and its sequel, more of the same or Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)? Raining outs…

1112. Carnival Magic (1983)

For 20 years, no prints existed. In 2009, a 35mm copy surfaced. Sweaty, icky, unpleasant, Carnival Magic (1983) hurts to watch it. A collision of the circus and The Dukes of Hazzard, nothing is safe. Joe Exotic, Dr. Oz, a talking chimp, the rest is white noise. So much cliche, so much filler, but “Where’s the Beef?” Tom-Talk, Yeasta-Pet, Flavor-Sweat, Cop Jargon, Mark Hamill. “George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Carnies”, “Not the Mama! Not the Mama!”, “Mongo only pawn in game of life”. Excre…

1113. The Christmas That Almost Wasn't (1966)

Titled Il Natale Che Quasi Non Fu in Italian, The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t (1966) smells of dubbing, greasy men, and the 60s. A down on his luck lawyer nets Santa as his client protecting him from an uncaring landlord named Prune. Santa owes rent and has to pay or get evicted. Christmas Carols, The Re-Gifter, Humbug FM, Toy Manufacturing, Creepy Looking Toys. “Fall in line, kids. You’ve been drafted into the cartoon army”, “Yeah, the war on Christmas starts earlier every year”, “He’ll be per…

1114. At The Earth's Core (1976)

The second of three Edgar Rice Burrough’s adaptations from Amicus Productions, At The Earth’s Core (1976) reteams Doug McClure and director Kevin Connor to drill for monsters and further box office. Peter Cushing, Caroline Munro, Cy Grant, the expense beats The Land That Time Forgot (1974) and the beasts impress yet it’s here anyway. Growler, Permanent Temporary Tattoos, The Rip Taylor Urn Cannon, Steampunk Bots, The Wedding. “Doug McClure? I forgot him like that land that time did!”, “Wow, this…

1201. Mac and Me (1988)

Paul Rudd’s mostest? Fabled cult fav imploded when dropped on audiences. Home video, cable, and devoted fans revived it into a mascot of bad entertainment. Alien family is vacuumed by a visiting space probe and transported back to Earth where they escape and seek soda pop. E.T. (1982), Poltergeist (1982), Alan Silvestri. What went wrong? The Gauntlet, Algernon, Spez Dispensers, Alien Whistles, Jonah McDonah. “I think we landed too far from the movie”, “Eh, the Epcot Post-Apocalyptic Pavillion’s …

1202. Atlantic Rim (2013)

A hot button choice. Newer movie, self-aware, The Asylum, Atlantic Rim (2013) is Pacific Rim (2013) only crappier. Inflatable Air-Dancer Organ, Supposi-Stories, “Get In Your Mech”, Military Frat-Boys, Jonah pouring out a drink for every soul who died. “Atlantic Rim? Could you be more Pacific?”, “It’s Crappy-Land. The world’s saddest most isolated amusement park!”, “So, who’s my designated driver?” “Did the ocean poop?” or is “This movie’s rigged”? [image]

1203. Lords of the Deep (1989)

1989 flooded with underwater productions. The Abyss (1989), Leviathan (1989), Lords of the Deep (1989), DeepStar Six (1989). The wave of water drama washed into theaters seizing the moment. “With a name like” Roger Corman, “it HAS to be good!” Blueprints, The Hand-Dryer Air-Hockey Table, Drone Probes, Truth Goop, Nursery Rhyme Games, Good Morning with Kinga and Max! “Hey, I used to live there!”, “The Oscar Meyer Sub-Mobile!”, “The most realistic sex scene ever.” “In the beginning the movie was w…

1204. The Day Time Ended (1980)

Produced by Charles Band and distributed by Compass International Pictures, The Day Time Ended (1980) bombards the senses with every manner of effects. Stop Motion, Models, Matte Paintings. The window dressing is more developed than the story. The Vault, The Fortune Meal, Spray-On Mustard Gas, Musing on How to Die, “Concepts”, Dr. Erhardt. “International, international? This film’s more international than a house of pancakes”, “Hey Y’all prepare yourself for the Charles Band… Man!”, “Oh that’s s…

1205. Killer Fish (1979)

Plenty of bankable names and directed by Tarantino idol Antonio Margheriti, Killer Fish (1979) according to Monthly Film Bulletin “appears to have a greater budget than Piranha” and “exhibits considerably less imagination.” Sporting Lee Majors, Karen Black, Margaux Hemingway, Marisa Berensen, James Franciscus, the Italian-French-Brazilian romp grants the title critters star status as the movie stars “line up to be a hot lunch.” “Idiot Control Now”, Alchemy Glue, Time-Travel Oven, Where are the K…

1206. Ator, The Fighting Eagle (1982)

“This is the part of the film we like to call “she had to ask.””, “Jeez, Tolkien couldn’t follow this plot!”, “Again?” “No!!!” These are the jokes I hear when thinking of Ator, The Fighting Eagle (1982). Yes they are riffs from the sequel yet the spirit lives on and those flashbacks are “with us always.” Secret Plan, Swiss Army Cheese, Totino’s Pizza Roll Popper, Ator’s Training Sequence, Kiog the Bear Cub. “Ah, finally, I can yell “Fire” in a crowded theater”, “Remind me again, how much Keefe i…

1301. Santo in The Treasure of Dracula (1969)

In these ongoing retrospectives on MST3K episodes, the finished product and how it sits with you is the lasting say. Removed of our feedback from the Soft Launch and with everything said and done, is Santo in The Treasure of Dracula (1969) as good as we hoped? The cancellation by Netflix? Covid 19? A new Kickstarter? 3 1/2 years between seasons? Green Screen? Was it all worth it in the end? Moon 1, Crow’s Blinkers, The Gizmoplex, Jonah’s Shameful Secrets, QVSanto, Alexander Slam Bell and the Cle…