315. Teenage Caveman (1958)

M. Night Shyamalan’s Nuclear Holocaust? “If I were a dead man!!!” “Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum!!!” “All day long I’d walk very slow!!!” “If I were a deadly man!!!” “I wouldn’t have to try hard!!!” “Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum!!!” Cryptic clues, unexplained phenomena, loner stumbles onto mystery as Roger sees dead people. Bored, Rainy Day Ipecacs, Aquatic Wizards, Catching Trouble, Catching Ross, Amok Time, Human Development, Orange Cappuccino. “Oh this is Fantasia before they colorized it”, “Oh this is Bonanza. They’re showing us the Bonanza”, “Robert Shayne. Come back Shayne!” “To our children’s children’s children” or “I wonder when the film’s gonna end”?

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Aquatic Wizards (1955).

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Catching Trouble (1936).

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Catching Ross.

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Adam West and Robert Vaughn setup Teenage Caveman (1958) on Turkey Day 94.

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Monster Stock Footage.

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315 Promos.

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Trailer of Teenage Caveman (1958).

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Behind The B-Movie Teenage Caveman (1958).

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Monster Fight Scene.

The God That Brings Death With Its Touch.

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Opening Scene.

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Teenage Caveman (1958). Full Film. Unriffed.

Though we get two shorts, I found neither to be all that remarkable, certainly not in the same league as X Marks the Spot, What About Juvenile Delinquency?, or Cheating. Aquatic Wizards features water skiing demonstrations while Catching Trouble has trapper Ross Allen bagging various Everglades fauna for a zoo. Though I imagine a lot of fans would disagree with my assessment of the latter. Allen’s capture tactics and general rough handling of the critters inspired considerable rage among both the Brains and the fanbase. The Our Gang style soundtrack probably didn’t help either.

As for the main feature, it should be noted that Roger Corman hated the final title, which was applied at the last second. I’ll agree that it’s quite ghastly, though his original choice Prehistoric World wasn’t much better. But it turns that the title change was fitting because, despite all the prehistoric trappings, this is ultimately a Teen Angst movie with all the tiresome baggage that entails. It certainly doesn’t help that Robert Vaughn (of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. fame) doesn’t make for a very credible teenager. Also, I’m not convinced that bow he slapped together would be effective. The reveal at the end that the members of this supposed prehistoric tribe are descendants of nuclear war survivors who were bombed back to the Stone Age makes things worse, as the script takes a preachy turn in the epilogue. This is not one of Corman’s finer moments. I imagine my opinion of his work would be lower if this had been my initial viewing of his filmography instead of The Fall of the House of Usher.

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This one is a middling entry. The main feature is OK but the shorts … ow … to say they didn’t age well is an understatement. I’d go with a 5.5 out of 10 on the scale for this one.

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Another one I haven’t seen in ages, but I remember this one being a poor showing for Corman and so full of padding you could sleep a family of four on it. And Catching Trouble, yikes! If nothing else it shows how far we’ve come. Let’s not ruin it now, m’kay?

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I didn’t know Robert Vaughn did that! What a good sport!

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“TODD! Stop touching me!”

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“BOY, this bullet is buried deep, close to his heart.” “He was killed by a bear.”

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“HEY I JUST INVENTED MALPRACTICE!”

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