319. War of the Colossal Beast (1958)

Though I will say that particular scene you posted is cut from the MST3K version. It is in the Rifftrax version though.

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You have no idea.

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The picture does embody the Rene Cardona “Everything and the Kitchen Sink” Approach. As does this one. Pitch immediately checks the box of MSTie specter just on the image alone. As did Mr. B Natural before even seeing this episode. Certain combinations work even when they don’t. And those last. Thanks on the advice. Santa Claus (1959) here I come.

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While I have a much stronger personal feeling about the Amazing Colossal Man episode due to it being the first episode I taped and one of the first episodes I discovered, if I’m being purely (okay, maybe not PURELY, so let’s say “mostly”) objective, I’d have to rank War of the Colossal Beast as the better episode out of the two.

I’ll jump right into it: your headliner here is not the film, but Mr. B Natural. Arguably the most famous (infamous?) and most talked-about short in MST3K canon, this is the spark that gets the fire going.

I love how they make Mr. B a figure of terror and fright. If you’ve heard me talk around here long enough, you know that I love those moments on MST3K where the gang is startled by something onscreen and goes “AHHHH!” We have a GLORIOUS instance of that here where Mr. B pops out of a school locker slooooooowly, and the riffers are still surprised by that and go “AHHHH!” accordingly. I also love it when Mr. B makes instruments materialize out of thin air, leading to more of that screaming and cries of “Don’t hurt me!”

But there’s more to it than those moments of surprise (although I will say that Joel’s riff of “Mom! Dad! Please tell me you heard that!” is an all-timer).

There’s some sharp writing all throughout, whether Mr. B tries to lay down a sense of history (Joel: “You leave my father out of this!” in one moment; Mr. B’s comment on being around since the time of Adam and Eve prompts Servo to quip, “You were the snake!”), the parents try to pick out an instrument for their son (Crow: “Ah, put away the grease gun and show me something cheap!”), iBuzz gets jamming on the trumpet (Joel: “What is this, Flight of the Bubblehead?”), or elderly instrument makers ply their craft while getting a Midwestern riffing, as Joel says: “Toot tee toot toot, these will make lovely noises someday!”

To think that all the hilarity is limited to Mr. B Natural would be to sell the short, well, short.


The feature presentation is more of a drier, more serious affair than its predecessor, The Amazing Colossal Man. It lacks the campy hilarity of that run through Vegas from the first movie and the shrunken elephant and camel, sure, but that doesn’t make the comedy any less rip-roaringly funny.

Thankfully, what the movie lacks in camp, the episode makes up for with exquisite riffing. The giant jokes are happily still in place, with Servo’s “Oh no, Glenn passed a truck on the highway! I mean, he passed a truck on the highway!” being a god-tier riff. Joel’s “Hey, check out this blackhead, it’s the size of an anjou pear!” is another winner, too.

The Amazing Colossal Man was a champion by way of its dark humor, and you have such inspired moments emerging in the face of this movie, too, with such one-liners as Crow going “You were a big help, the slides were working!” when Joyce inadvertently sends her brother into an episode. There’s also that gold moment where Servo ventriloquizes a soldier breaking some terrible news over the telephone: “He’s dead, and therefore unable to come to the phone.”

All the stuff in Mexico, all the stuff with the bus at the end (THOSE TED TURNER RIFFS), all the stuff in between, it’s all riffed spectacularly, even if the movie doesn’t quite reach the absurd heights of that earlier Bert I. Gordon installment.

War of the Colossal Beast may get the fame and renown on the marquee, but it’s that short that helps to launch this episode to an overall impressive level.

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I definitely agree with the consensus that the short overpowers the feature. For me, so much so, that it just falls out of my mind. However, this means that it’s one of the more “freshest” episodes out there personally!

(Hmm, sounds like it’s worthy of another watch…)

But, as noted above, this does contain the memorable callback “Glen was 50 feet tall!”. So it did have some lasting legacy!

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While the Mr. B. Natural may be the star player in the theater segments, it’s the colossal guy who rocks it out in the host segments. I love seeing Mike as Glenn Manning doing his thing here, apparently having gotten over Servo’s line-crossing comment in that Amazing Colossal Man host segment.

Glenn’s on friendlier terms this time around, even overlooking Crow’s callback to The Amazing Colossal Man’s host segment in which he asked Glenn if Cher had some ribs removed. Things are positive to the point of Glenn even pitching in to read a piece of fanmail at the end, which I thought was really neat.

Joel going off the deep end with KTLA future predictions is a hoot, too, especially for that ending!

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While we’re discussing Mr. B Natural, I think it’s only right to take a moment to consider some images of Betty Luster in other roles.

According to her Wikipedia bio, she started out as a dancer and chorus girl, did some opera in Philly, and went on to co-host Sing It Again, the precursor to Name That Tune (on which she had an off-stage production role).

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I’ll be honest, I hardly remember the movie in this episode. The SHORT however, well it might be the most watched 20 minutes of the series! Mr B Natural is what Mst is all about! It fits perfectly into the show. And Joel & the bots take full advantage of it. To say it’s a classic would be a huge understatement.

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You could write a book on every episode and I would gladly read each page! I love reading another fanatic Msties (like myself) opinions.

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Thank you very, very much for the kind words! :smiley: I gladly enjoy discussing the ins and outs of these episodes, and I’m also keen on seeing what y’all have to say about these installments.

Cheers, and all the best!

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“Glen was 60 feel tall!”
Joel: “Think there’s a connection? Nahhhh!”

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I often can’t decide which short I like better, Cheating or Mr B Natural. What helps sell both is that the riffs are so good for so much of the time in both.

WOTCB is also one of those sequels that tends to rewrite what was mentioned in its predecessor. Glenn’s wife said he had no family, and suddenly in this film, he has a sister who keeps expecting Glenn is just gonna come to his senses even after he mindlessly rampages around. Glenn also manages to do like so many other big characters of his, and manages to escape and stay hidden for hours on end as he treks up towards Griffith Park. I swear Roland Emmerich stole that logic for his 1998 Godzilla, who is so big he can break through a skyscraper…yet just vanishes without a trace!

I do wonder, along with this and The Projected Man, are there any other films that end where the lead just disappears?

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Are we counting Monster A Go-Go?

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Does Wurwilf count? Goodbye, Joe!

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John Saxon disappears in Mitchell, but that’s because they edited out his death.

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I love the bit in the invention exchange where Frank and Forrester just go full on Minnesotan for no reason.

Edit: …Mr. B Natural is an experience. Oh my. It’s fun to imagine it as a badly strained metaphor for an LGBTQ+ experience, though, given the way it lacks subtlety at times.

Fuller thoughts will come after the Pick is actually watched.

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Mr. B Natural was actually edited for time. Rifftrax has the full version, with several minutes of extra footage, if you want that experience. Also, as I mentioned upthread, it’s interesting to see Betty Luster in some of her other roles.

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So what was the point of this movie anyway? Glen Manning’s alive and well in Mexico, just minding his own business and eating passing bread trucks, so they decide to… what? Bring him back to civilization and show him slides in the hope his memory returns? And when his memory does return, what does he do? Electrocutes himself to death. Wow, great use of all that taxpayer money.

What are we meant to take from this? If you see a colossal beast in the desert, just leave him alone, let him mind his own business?

And how, exactly, was this the “war” of the colossal beast? Is it like the “war” on drugs or the “war” on crime? Just call it a war to drum up patriotic sentiment and hope it keeps the public from asking what the point of all this is?

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It was a war on one bus and some power lines, tops.

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Don’t forget the Mexican bread company that suffered deep financial losses.

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