416. Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956)

You’re comments are why I’m on here! I love to hear a fanatic Mstie (like myself) talk about these episodes! I watch the show almost daily. In fact, watching Wild Rebels as we speak!

8 Likes

Thank you very, very much for the kind words! :smiley:

Y’all’s love for the show is why -I’m- here, you know, I love reading what YOU guys have to say about this series and everything that goes with it!

And it’s UNPOSSIBLE to not get an MST3K fix in some fashion each day. Glad to see you’re going that route with Wild Rebels - enjoy!

4 Likes

So true! I totally make an effort to get some MST3K in every day as well!

4 Likes

“You getting all this, Cy?”

4 Likes

I’m with you fellers, basically. Loooooooved the sketches so much and just…struggle to get through the movie.

I will watch many MST3K movies unriffed (and have) but I’ve never made it more than 10-15 minutes into this one on its own. It’s almost the anti-Cat Women on the Moon. Where Cat is overly ambitious and chock full of ideas that are poorly realized, this movie (which is fundamentally similar) seems to be bereft of ideas beyond the basic Amazon fantasy, and only offers a tepid version of that.

5 Likes

Back in 1950s, there were a considerable number of movies with the same basic plot. A team of men would travel to another planet or some isolated corner of the Earth and uncover a civilization consisting entirely of nubile young women. Any males that might already be there are either geezers or wusses. Whether proud and intolerant Amazons or hapless damsels that make you wonder how they survived up to that point, the end result would always have them become submissive to the collective libido of the visitors.

As you can imagine, these films have not aged well. Though they did inspire science fiction author Lois McMaster Bujold to write Ethan of Athos. Fire Maidens of Outer Space is a typical example of the genre. The distant location is a newly discovered moon of Jupiter, which happens to have an Earth-like environment. The women are the descendants of the survivors of Atlantis and are of the damsel variety. Even by the standards of these sort of films, the male characters are a collection of smarmy cretins who seem to have been recruited from a particularly disreputable frat house. But the worst crime the movie commits is that it’s dull and lethargic. There are also several instances of lifeless and inept dancing sequences that misuse Borodin’s Polovetsian Dances.

It would be more correct to say that the Joel episodes rarely gave us a story arc in the skits. Mike’s CC episodes features quite a few.

4 Likes

Although I am sure I saw this episode during the initial TV run, I have no recollection of it at all. Another viewing might jog my memory, but as MST3K has never had the rights to offer it for purchase, I am afraid that is not an option. Sounds like I am missing out on a great episode, but I think that rights issue may keep me out of the loop on this one.

2 Likes

I think Crow sums up the movie the best:
“Cy Roth had to pad the film just so he could get to the parts that had more padding!”

5 Likes

This was also a popular pulp plot in the early 20th century. Tarzan visited such places, e.g.

Honestly, I don’t think they were “well” when they first hit the silver screen. I can’t think of any particularly well-received ones, anyway.

I have a tremendous fondness for the ambitiousness of Cat Women of the Moon, though. It’s trying to tie all these tropes together and…just…not.

4 Likes

Does Lost Horizon count?

3 Likes

That would be the only one and it’s in the 30s.

2 Likes

Well yeah, but Tarzan was brought up and that’s even earlier, so I thought it was worth a mention.

2 Likes

Yes sir. Johnny Weissmuller predates them all.

1 Like

He doesn’t predate Elmo Lincoln.

2 Likes

True. Yet his call is ageless.

3 Likes

I went to the Wayback Machine to dig up my comment on this movie from the old Club MST3K comments section. It’s my version of the pitch meeting for this movie:

“Have I got a movie for you!”
“Yeah? Tell me about it.”
“A bunch of astronauts land on a planet filled with women in short skirts.”
"Okay, I like it. So what happens? "
“What do you mean?”
“They land on the planet, and…?”
“There are women there. And they’re wearing short skirts.”
“And…?”
“And they’re real lonely because the only man there is their father.”
“Wait, is this Pirates of Penzance ?”
“Penzance? What’s that?”
“Never mind. So what happens?”
"Happens? The women are lonely. So… Uh… They capture two of the men. "
“Wait, is this pornography?”
“No, no. Of course not.”
“It’s sounding a lot like one of those letters in Penthouse Magazine.”
“I, uhm, have, er, no idea what that is. Is it a magazine about nice apartments?”
“Right, sure. Why are there only women on this planet?”
“The plot doesn’t work otherwise.”
“Silly me. So, fine. They capture two of the men. What about the others?”
“They have to wait outside.”
"Outside what? "
“Uhm, Atlantis.”
“Atlantis?! I thought you said this was in outer space.”
“It is! This is the remains of a colony. The people of Atlantis knew the place was sinking, so they moved to one of the moons of Jupiter.”
“They what? Fine, whatever. They’re on one of the moons of… Wait, I thought it was a planet.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Never mind. So why do the other men have to wait outside?”
“You said you didn’t want it to be a porno. We’ve got to show something else.”
“…”
“Anyway, it builds tension, see? Because they don’t know what’s going on inside!”
“Ah, yes. Of course! So they attempt a daring rescue?”
“Huh? No, they just sit around, fretting.”
“Uh-huh. Anything else?”
“Uhm, and… uh… There’s this monster! A big, scary one! Bulletproof and everything!”
"A monster? Now you’re talking! What does it do? "
“It, uh, lurks in the bushes and kind of follows people around.”
“And then?”
“Well, it lurks some more. Builds tension, see?”
“Uh-huh. So how does it end?”
“Oh, uh… Let me see… The monster breaks in!”
“Action! At last! Does it terrorize them? Is there a fight?”
“No, no! What, you want to give the audience heart attacks?”
"Heart attacks? What…? "
“My uncle Lou is going to be in the audience. He wouldn’t miss it! And he’s got a very weak ticker. A fight scene would kill him! You want to kill my uncle Lou, is that it?”
“No. Uh, of course not. Perish the thought. What was I thinking? Okay, then, what happens with the monster?”
“Oh, they trip it and throw it in a fire. You can’t see it, of course. Uncle Lou would never survive.”
“What happens to the old man?”
“What old man?”
“The father.”
“He dies.”
“Does the monster get him?”
“What? No! What’s wrong with you? He dies peacefully, in his sleep, after drinking too much wine, surrounded by beautiful women. Just like uncle Lou would want.”
“So what you’re telling me is that two guys get captured by a bunch of women, and nothing happens.”
“Pretty much. Isn’t that what I said in the first place?”
“Why would I want to make that into a movie?”
“Did I mention the women are wearing short skirts?”
“How short are we talking?”
“Very! You can see their knees !”
“Sold!”

6 Likes

Well, that’s certainly in the lost civilization vein, but if we include those we have to at least go back to H. Rider Haggard’s She.

My memory on Horizon is fuzzy but I thought the deal there was that everyone, male and female alike, was eternally young. I don’t remember it having an Amazon-twist.

3 Likes

I guess it didn’t have the Amazon twist, but there was still the ‘hero leaves with a young lady’ bit (which ends tragically).

1 Like

Yeah, you’d think white guys in the '30s would learn to not try to form lasting bonds with Asian women, but they never did. Actually, more the other way around. :thinking:

“Hero leaves with a native girl” trope is certainly of the same vintage, but at least has a basis in reality, unlike, uh, “planet of short-skirted nubile females has no likely candidate for parents or mates until earth dudes arrive”.

I’ve completely lost the plot on what we’re talking about. Does “Lost Horizon” count? Eh, I’ll allow it, just to keep the set from being empty.

2 Likes

I’m so glad to see people discussing this episode. It’s one of best episodes, but sadly, is not available (legally). It’s a shame. It’s a terrible movie with great riffing and, of course, Timmy.

5 Likes