509. The Girl in Lovers Lane (1960)

Hmm. I can see that.

But what about…

Bix convinces Danny that you can’t just keep running from your fears. Danny tells Bix that applies to him, too. Bix is scared he’s not good enough for Carrie, but Danny convinces him to give it a chance. After all, Bix was good enough to be there for Danny.

Bix goes back to Carrie, but Carrie’s dad sees him hurry by and, feeling suspicious, decides to follow. Bix arrives just in time to pull Jesse off her, and Carrie’s dad sees. He also sees how Bix hugs and comforts Carrie, who is still shaken.

Jesse goes to jail for the assault. Carrie’s dad apologizes to Bix for doubting him, which helps Bix fight off his own self-doubt.

Danny goes home, but promises to stay in touch. Bix finds himself enjoying settling down.

Years later, still happily working at the diner, Bix sees a desperate teen come in with a familiar expression, and offers him a hamburger sandwich with all the fixins and a french fried potato garnish, you can pay me later, just give me the gun…


Bix? Who’s Bi- Oh! You two mean Big Stupid! Why aren’t you using his real name?


As dreary and pointless the plotting is here, I do love the riffs regarding Danny. They just nailed his character right from the get-go. I chuckle every time someone speaks as Danny.

“Am I supposed to look like a Picasso painting?”
“Big, should I have not put my head in the driver’s lap? Was that wrong?”

I also love how he immediately glomps onto Big Stupid like a lover.
squeaky voiced “I can’t be alone, Big”


I said as such earlier, but “ARE WE GOING TO HUSTLE THESE MEN, BIG?!” is a god-tier riff and one of my absolute faves of the series.

And yeah, the riffs on Danny being a rock-stupid clown are HIGHLARRYOUS.

Another winner in that vein: “Why did she keep calling me John?”


It’s “Danny should come with his own tote” for me.


These are alternate realities in which he’s likable and has a working brain.


Ah, yes, as somebody who watches the movies with admittedly only half their heart, I have to say the promotions exchange has to be a real standout to me. I particularly love Colorless, Odorless Toxic Gas Night, probably the platonic ideal of a Mad invention. Slide Whistle and Brass Knuckle Night as well as Used Syringe Night are also highlights.



Also, the Mads genuinely and emphatically arguing over the logistics of Poopie Night.


“Poopie night? What, are you gonna give kids poop?”


Only clarification is that whenever Danny says the name, then it has to have two Gs. Bigg Stupid. Other people pronounce it Big Stupid … but Danny hits a stronger double-g to emphasize his own patheticness.


The Mad’s invention here was absolute GOLD for me. My first job in high school was working at the minor league ballpark just a mile from the house. The El Paso Diablos played in the Texas League and were the AA affiliate for the Milwaukee Brewers. Some of their promotions got pretty zany!


I saw a movie that was kind of a mix of Girl in Lovers Lane and Untamed Youth. It’s Russ Meyer’s Mudhoney. It has the ending most of you wanted.
The more of Russ Meyer I watch, the more I think these are the movies Coleman Francis thought he was making.

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I do like the glamorous hotel rooms


Man, if you don’t specifically enunciate both t’s in “peppermint schnapps and tire iron double hit-ter,” then what are you even doing with your life?


Distracting myself from the depressing denouement of this turkey by picturing a poll in which the townsfolk here and the ones from Last Of The Wild Horses square off to see who uses less of their god-given brain matter. lol