Answer Synthia's questions

Here’s the set she’s asked for September. How would you answer?

  1. What is the deal with Joe Don Baker?

  2. What do you like to stay away from?

  3. Would you put Synthia in danger or a death ray?

  4. How is hot ice even possible?

  5. Have you ever been hypnotized?

  6. What is it like to have a more famous older brother?

  1. Too much stuffing.
  2. Questionnaires.
  3. I think Synthia is already in danger, caught between Pearl and Mega Synthia, plus she would make a great Death Ray! I’m going with Death Ray.
  4. Ice sculpture of Kelly Lebrock.
  5. I’m not sure, maybe I was hypnotized and told not to remember that I was hypnotized.
  6. It’s better than having a less famous younger brother who is always hitting you up for money, and trashing your good name by making crappy spy movies.
  1. Beer. The 70s. Keeping an unholstered loaded gun in your pants. Take your pick.

  2. The sun and in person human contact. Both burn.

  3. Death ray, so if danger does come along she’s ready for anything. She can ray it to death!

  4. Math. It all comes down to math.

  5. No. I bet my attention span is too short for that. I’ll start thinking about the etymology of the word “hypnosis” and forget to be hypnotized.

  6. Thanksgivings suck. He’s all “I’m so thankful for my millions of dollars, the adoration of my fans, my Ferrari…” and I’m like “I’m thankful Dunkin got my order right this time…”

  1. Buzz off, kid!
  2. Joe Don Baker
  3. No, she’s a sweetheart.
  4. See number 1.
  5. It was better than Cats. I want to see it again and again.
  6. Annoying.
  1. What is the deal with Joe Don Baker?

The floor won’t be open to discuss this until he figures it out himself.

  1. What do you like to stay away from?

Razor wire and soda.

  1. Would you put Synthia in danger or a death ray?

Put her IN a death ray? As in her arm gets fused to a death ray and she now has a death ray for an arm? Yes, please.

  1. How is hot ice even possible?

Well, when hydrogen and oxygen love each other very much…

  1. Have you ever been hypnotized?

They tried. It didn’t work.

  1. What is it like to have a more famous older brother?

Freeing. No one gives a hoot what I’M up to, plus I still have some financial stability (he’s MORE famous, but I still have my fans). It allows me to focus on my passions, like money laundering and poignant art films about bluegrass.

  1. Sex appeal in the 70s was weird. I blame the 60s.
  2. Anything that could cause deep hurting. Except MST3K, which hurts so good.
  3. I’m not sure she would fit in a death ray, so danger?

5. I was once at a show with a hypnotist, but it didn’t work on me.
6. I don’t have a brother, let alone an older sibling, but I’d probably seethe with passive-agressive jealousy during family gatherings.

  1. As others said, the 70’s.
  2. The 70’s.
  3. I love Synthia like a pet, but… You know, you beat Mad Science one day a time.
  4. Science!
  5. No. I. have. not. been. hypnotised. Ha. Ha.
  6. He’s not famous, but if he was, moochie-moochie!
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  1. He’s an obnoxious jerk who deifies dirty cops. Same old, same old.
  2. Obnoxious jerks who deify dirty cops.
  3. There are no death rays, no space lasers, nada. Lasers are there just to entertain cats.
  4. I don’t know, but my friend who worked in a jewelry store kept showing me this ring she claimed was a ‘hot ice piece.’ I’d ask her, but we don’t talk anymore.
  5. Yes, by George Clooney. You do mean that kind of hypnotized, right?
  6. My older brother has a Star Trek novel dedicated to him. That’s about as famous as any of us got. It’s OK, I guess.
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  1. Aside from Mitchellwho?
  2. the year of this decade that shall not be mentioned. EVER.

4. Never heard of it.
5. I don’t fall for those things. Never worked for me, and they’ll never will.
6. I… don’t have a brother.

  • Well, he’s the kind of guy who just, goes ahead on, whether you want him to or not, there’s Joe Don, going ahead on

  • Scary vengeful Japanese children with either a grudge or a ring

  • Neither, but I would like a Synthia action figure so I could put her in a toy boat, toy boat, toy boat

  • If it’s Vanilla, it’s not

  • Yes, and the power of Gus compels me…

  • I am the older brother, and while they’ve never said so, I imagine basking the glow of my awesomeness has been their greatest joy in life.

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