Create your MST 3k "Dream Season"

Here’s the continuation of my post from earlier.

Going along with my theme of “movies that could realistically be added to a hypothetical Season 14”, I also included a KTMA re-riff as well. I might need another post to conclude this, but as this is fresh in my memory…

7. Superdome (1978)
This is my choice for a KTMA re-riff. The plot is incredulous and could very well be a good tie-in for a September episode at the beginning of football season. (Credit to @CLANG_Potroast 's response to a post about a “KTMA Month” for the inspiration!)

8. City on Fire (1979)
Sure, why not? I’m all for bringing back previously released material and the movie itself isn’t too bad either.

9. Unmasking The Idol (1986)
It didn’t dawn on me that I could add this movie to the list until I saw its lone review on IMDB. This recent Vinegar Syndrome and “Best of the Worst” addition has nearly everything modern MST3K exudes. A “family friendly” plot, a completely incredulous simian sidekick and a paint-by-numbers ripoff of every 80’s adventure film ever made? Count me in.


Going to make one more post with the final four movies because I’m going to try to research a few more deep cuts that haven’t yet been riffed or featured on a similar online show (that I’m aware of).

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Well, damn. Now I’ll have to clean the whole house just to find that paper scrap which I scribbled all my fictional season choices on! :open_mouth:

Does anyone have a bulldozer they’re not using at the moment?

[dons hard hat]

:notes: “Shake hands with dangerrrr…” :notes:

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Well, let’s see:
I’d take at least one movie done by Cinematic Titanic to the MST3K style. Possibly “The Wasp Woman”…only have seen that one and their take on “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. That’s 1.

2 I’d get another KTMA episode brought up to the modern times. Just to be different, whichever one was the Thunderbirds puppetmation one.

3, Nukie. Because that pain needs to be done.

4, complete the non-clip show Gamera movies with vs. Viras. Super Monster can have another season

5, one of the later-era Hammer Dracula movies (Maybe Dracula A.D. 1972). Cause I hear that series goes down as time goes on.

6, Frogs, because 70s and animals run amuck.

7 and 8, Taur, the Mighty and The Galaxy Invader, just to tie up those lose ends from Cave Dwellers and Pod People.

9, Heartbeeps, because I can see good reactions to the designs

10, The Astro Zombies. One of the first low-rated movies I found on IMDB that MST3K hasn’t done yet. Plus, can’t go wrong with a John Carradine appearance

11, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Either version could work.

12, Santa With Muscles. Wrestling and Christmas, it’s perfect for MST3K!

And my number 13 choice…and this would a long shot one (for a more realistic with the rest of this list…just make it both versions of my #11 choices):
image

Wildcard short: I don’t remember the title, only that former internet personality Spoony did this once, but it had some 50s spaceman type guy bring I believe Leonardo Da Vinci forward in time to look at the influence his work had on people. It was in black and white, and I would appreciate someone reminding me of what it was called.

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I couldn’t find it in about 90 seconds of googling, so clearly it was just something you hallucinated. :rofl:

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Actually, no it isn’t. Friend of mine elsewhere found it!

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Your friend must have paid for Google Premium. :laughing:

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Really great lists!! My dream season would feature the returns of all (many) of our favorite stars…

  1. The Navy vs. The Night Monsters (starring Mamie Van Doren)
  2. The Brain from Planet Arous (starring John Agar)
  3. Scared to Death (Bela Lugosi - in COLOR!)
  4. Bride of the Gorilla (okay, stars Raymond Burr, but featuring Lon Chaney Jr)
  5. Zoltan: The Hound of Dracula (Michael Pataki, and featuring Reggie Nalder as Dracula)
  6. The Flying Serpent (George Zucco - it’s basically Devil Bat with an ancient flying serpent instead)
  7. Silent Night, Bloody Night (our Christmas movie, starring Mary Woronov, but featuring John Carradine)
  8. Dracula vs. Frankenstein (Al Adamson’s loving tribute to monster movies featuring Lon Chaney Jr. and J. Carrol Naish)
    The rest of the season would be frosting…
  9. They Saved Hitler’s Brain
  10. Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory
  11. Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter
  12. Thankskillling 3
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Invaders from the Deep was a Stingray compilation, while Revenge of the Mysterons from Mars was a Captain Scarlett compilation.

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It just occurred to me that there are a lot of “Don’t” movies, so as a movie collector I decided to find them all to add to my library. They’re all terrible in various degrees, without exception - how fun would it be to have a “Don’t” season? There’s “Don’t Go Into the Woods,” “Don’t Go In The House,” “Don’t Open The Door,” “Don’t Answer the Phone,” “Don’t Look In the Attic,” Don’t Look In the Basement,” “Don’t Go to Sleep,” “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” which is actually pretty good, and even a Christmas horror movie - “Don’t Open Till Christmas.”

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Now that I’ve thought over it, one of the exceptions to the 80sish season I’d make, would be another go at The Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds (1977), which was riffed during the KTMA era, albeit with a nicer print now.

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Here’s my final four in my “realistic Season 14”! Going to bring some more obscure stuff into the fold:

  1. Rat Pfink a Boo Boo (1966): The strangest “superhero” movie ever made. I’m genuinely shocked this was never covered in the earlier seasons. It just seems perfect for the show. It’s equally incredulous and painful.
  1. Nukie (1987): It’s been a while since I’ve seen this, but I’m cool with echoing everyone else in this thread who suggested Nukie. If Pod People and Mac & Me are any evidence, ET ripoffs are riffing gold.
  1. Yes, Giorgio (1982): Where to begin? Pavarotti acts in a romantic comedy that can only be described as “cringe”. Hey, at least he gets a few arias to make up for it. I’m sure John Candy and SCTV made fun of it, too.
  1. Road House (1989): Why not? Crow’d love it, and it could also double as a Christmas special! Some editing would have to be done, but, hey, we already had some real footage used in Nate’s “…Swayze One More Time” music video, so there may be a chance!

BONUS HOLIDAY EPISODE (if necessary, or if the rights to Road House are too expensive):

13.5. Magic Christmas Tree (1964): Oof, this is absolutely painful. It’s only an hour long, but it feels like 3. Perhaps some extra host segments would help, but…yeeesh. This absolutely reeks of a movie that was meant for general purposes but re-edited/re-written to cash in on the Christmas season. Co-starring a cat who just happens to be named Lucifer. (Haven’t we learned anything from Christmas movies involving Satan?)

(EDIT: Just learned it was Rifftraxed. Oh well, there are plenty of odd, obscure and awful xmas films out there)


There we go. 13-ish movies in 3-ish posts for a hypothetically realistic-ish MST3K season. Of course, with more thorough research I’m sure I would have found some more gems but I kinda wanted to put this into the world and find more obscure stuff later.

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