So i have never played a pen and paper rpg but somehow my youngest daughter got interested in D&D. We bought her a little starter kit but she is having a hard time figuring the game out and I am not a whole lot of help.
Anyone with helpful tips or online resources to walk a complete noob through getting a grip on this game?
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I honestly wouldn’t have used D&D for a starter for RPGs. It’s pretty complex, especially for a kid. You might look into Dungeon World, which is a lot simpler. It’s also only $10 for a digital copy.
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That depends on what age we’re talking about. Under 10 and I’ll give you a list of games specifically tailored for that crowd. Pre-teen and I’d give a list of rules to just forget about and try a simple pre published adventure, teenaged I would say just jump in, make mistakes, follow the advice in the books and don’t sweat the small stuff.
I think I would need to know what issues she’s getting stuck on before I can get my know-it-all hat on.
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This.
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Honestly, it’s super easy if you don’t sweat the rules. Not kidding. Have her map out some simple ideas and play through a few sessions so she can see what it is she needs to know. If she’s playing with her parents and/or (supportive) siblings, and everyone is being patient and helpful, the rules become a LOT less abstract.
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Seconding moviegique’s suggestion - it’d probably be more fun if you put aside the nuts & bolts rules to start. While there are a lot of defined rules, as a DM, you can choose which ones to use. Maybe in your first game with your daughter, you can just use the basic skill check rule (e.g. roll a d20 and compare result vs. ability score), and even then, only call for it when you feel it’s necessary (e.g. climb onto a table? no skill check needed; scale a 10’ high wall while being chased? ask for a dexterity check).
Ultimately, D&D is about the players being actors/characters in their own story, shepherded/guided by the dungeon master (DM), so as long as you can make the story fun and give your daughter’s character lots of opportunities to do stuff, the rules can be introduced at leisure.
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She is 11 so she can get the rules when she finds them but jumping around the guide all the time really drags out the game.
I like the idea of just letting here build a story and run a real stripped down session. I think that we were being a little too dogmatic about following all the rules with no real guidance from a veteran and lost sight of the point of the game.
As for those she plays with it is one of her friends, her 9 year old brother, and sometimes me when I’m home.
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D&D is very challenging to learn but simple the play.
What I mean is, the rules are really hard to learn. But it’s really easy to play without knowing all of the rules, because all it takes is:
I played my third session a couple of weeks ago and it’s with a group of software engineers, and we still were perplexed with the rules, played it wrong, but still had lots of fun. It’s not about playing it perfectly but about story telling with your friends and having fun. The rules are there just to balance out the difficulty levels and help gauge challenge.
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The good news is that paper and pencil tabletop games only need one person to know the rules – the DM or GM.
The unsavory news is that they sorta need to know enough of the rules inside and out.
Was the “starter kit” the red box, by any chance?
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I’ve been playing the Lost Mines of Phandelver with my nieces and nephews. It’s got a much shorter simplified rulebook, premade characters, and relatively straightforward instructions. That might be a good place to start. Is that what you have? If so, the regular hardcover players handbook is a useful supplement to flesh things out, but not strictly necessary.
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11 is kinda the sweet spot for this kinda thing. I started at 9ish with Marvel Super Heroes in the late '80s and haven’t looked back.
And yes, all the advice given so far is the way to go: Just play. Her rule is law (if she is DMing). The basic skill check is EVERYTHING the rest of the rules are built on. If you’re in a situation that she knows there is a specific rule for but she can’t remember, just make it a general basic skill check, make a DC for it, roll and move on. Look it up afterwards because it’ll be easier to remember when you have an example to play through in your head.
Also, the more games you have played through, the more likely it is (and this is my socio-economic privilege talking here) for a player to pick up their own copy of the book to read and go down the rabbit hole themselves. Then you have two people at the table to bounce rules around. Also you can have someone looking up a rule while you’re running a scene with someone else (I forgot how to run this trap, thief, you look that up and we’ll move the spotlight to the fighter who is swinging from that bannister over the kobolds, etc).
And always remember, perfection is the enemy of good. Perfection is the enemy of fun. Perfection is your enemy. Play is your ally. And everyone at the table should be your allies as well. It’s a shared experience, and you’re all there to make each other have a great time making your character look and act awesome, and by happenstance, it makes you, the player, look and act awesome. Go be awesome dad of eleven-year-old.
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Not home right now but I think that is it. I am taking a three day weekend so I figure I’ll take the sound advise of the folks here and we will just freewheel it and have fun.
She wants to get a grasp of DMing so she can write her own adventures so I feel the baby steps into the rules approach will work fine.
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Writing your own adventures is a separate beast altogether. Basic advice I remember starting out is: Character sheets are love letters to your DM. Whatever your players have high stats in is what they want out of their adventure. Got a guy with a ridiculous high strength? Let 'im hold open a slowly closing stone door while the rest of the group slides underneath. Got a bard with high Charisma? Better have a tavern owner incorrectly convinced they stole something from him.
Another thing is it’s no problem throwing questions to the players for details you might not have made up yourself. “I don’t know, what does it look like?”
Finally, never fall in love with a plot line. Nothing survives contact with player characters, so they will always go left when your amazing plot line is to the right. However, the players will always go where they want to, and they will always act more amazing when they are doing what they want to. Listen to them and make them do the things they are talking about. “Oh man, I bet he’s going to double cross us the second this door opens.” Well, I was going to have him be an ally this whole time, but you know what, they want more bad guys, let’s give 'im another bad guy, but not the second the door opens…but right after they let their guard down and BAM, bad guy!
Roleplaying is an art, and art takes practice. But it’s FUN practice. You’ll have good sessions and bad sessions, but all sessions become amazing “You had to be there” stories that you will cherish among the circle that is the people around that table.
(Ceeeripes I ramble)
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CthulhuKid is absolutely spot-on with this advice. As a DM, one of the best things you can do for your players is to adapt to what your players are doing. Allow the story to be molded by the players, gently guiding them towards things only when necessary (e.g. if they’re unsure of what to do, or if they’re getting frustrated or massively side-tracked). As Bruce Lee said,“Be water, my friend.” 
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I used to run a monthly D&D game for the teens at the library I worked at when I was a Teen Librarian. I was lucky enough to have a good local game shop that helped support us. I would suggest looking for something local. Unfortunately, I’m well aware we were the exception rather than the rule and not all libraries have such programs and not everywhere has a good family friendly game shop.
I know there’s a few on-line places that help coordinate virtual games for kids due to the pandemic. I can’t vouch for this one personally, but it looks reputable.
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If you’re a Teenage Librarian, does that mean you’re putting teenagers on the shelf or are yourself a teenager? 
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I also don’t know if she’s a comic reader, but you might look into picking up some trades of Knights of the Dinner Table. It’s fairly kid safe and does demonstrate how a typical RPG works fairly well admid the jokes.
https://www.kenzerco.com/index.php?cPath=22_23
They used to have some web strip samples on the site, but it seems that is down at the moment.
I did find this one though…
https://www.kenzerco.com/images/periodicals/kodt/webstrips/muskegee/index.php
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Yes.
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dndbeyond.com is an amazing resource- It has all the manuals, rules, breakdowns, and an amazing character generator that does most of the work for you. Definitely worth checking out!
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Red Box Basic D&D (Basically the starter kit-See also D&D Rules Cyclopedia which is the full rules book)
Much earthier than modern “DND”
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/116578
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/116619
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/17171
You’re welcome 
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