Describe your work like you're Ed Wood pitching a terrible movie to potential investors

I will do mine in a minute, but I’m curious about what you guys can come up with

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I am happy in my work. I do never, ever shirk. I’m a chèque-chapeau and I know I’m making my tips.

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A man who works for a wildlife conservation NGO discovers that animals are being poached by the smut picture racket. He discovers this crime, and more about himself, when he finds a crate of illegal angora pelts. Stimulated by this find, he goes forth clad in angora skins, wreaking vengeance on the poachers while falling in love with an all-American gal.

His work day is intercut with random scenes of Bela Lugosi as the shadowy foreign investor and Tor Johnson as the head of HR.

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If Ed pitched terrible movies and still got funding, he must have been a silver tongue.

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Johnny Depp’s depiction in the movie Ed Wood is how I like to imagine it going

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The industry is all abuzz over this new Web3 thing but I would point out that Web has been sophisticated for years. Why just last year I made an app with a team of experienced professionals that have over 100 years of experience in the technology industry. Sophisticated art design, responsive user interface, and results that anyone can enjoy, from kids to grandma.


(I’m going by memory on Wood comparing his Necromania to Deep Throat.)

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Spreadsheets! The world runs on spreadsheets! Bringing order out of chaos, but mostly spreadsheets!

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block chain is basically spreadsheets

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You are here because you are interested in cryptocurrency. We are all interested in cryptocurrency because cryptocurrency is where you and I will be spending the rest of our cash. And remember my friends, future cryptocurrency such as these will affect you and I in the cryptocurrency.

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“So what if we do develop NFTs? We’ll be even richer than we are now!”
“NFTs? NFTS?! You see! You see! Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!”

Sorry, I think I’ve lost the thread here.

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Yes, Sandler and Madea comedies suck but they make money for Netflix!

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White washing fences is fun.

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“Take care. Bevare. PULL DEH SHEETS!!!”

image

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Have you ever seen Office Space, what am I saying, everybody has, here’s the script and the treatment, but you don’t need that, I know you’re the bold types who always go with your guts. (Turns on display behind me) Here’s our hero, actually it’s me, a poor schmuck getting reamed by a client because all the new hardware installed just isn’t fast enough, “I thought you told me that all this was going to be better than the old stuff ” Now of course our hero is at his wits end with this fraking Mensa member, so in his infinite wisdom, he’s totally honest, “I told you that the list of equipment that I recommended was what you needed. You bought completely different hardware after doing (air-quotes) … ‘research’” Cut to our hero headdesking his steering wheel inside his car. Annnd scene.

It’s all like this, but more. Our hero’s only companion is a talking cat, yes the cat talks. Mostly heavy accented meowing that vaguely sounds like German swear words. And then, there’s the love interest… the MacGuffin really. Late night tech support call. Go to her hotel room fixes her laptop, and the cliche are you trying to seduce me?” Of, course, she disappears without paying or even giving her real name. Will he ever see her again?

The rest of the movie is our hero discovering he’s much happier podcasting reaction videos of him watching clown porn,but needs one last big check from one last big job to reboot his life, find happiness and true love …

So which one of you has the pen, and which one has the checkbook?

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NOT A PITCH, UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME:
I am going to be the voice of unpopular opinion, for a moment.
Ed Wood was an absolute genius.
He just didn’t have a big budget.
Or, actually, any budget.
Had " Bride of the Monster’, “Plan 9 From Outer Space”, or even “Night of the Ghouls” been produced by Universal, they would have been hailed as brilliant, because of real sets and props. Not to mention real actors.
.
This is a hill, upon which, I will, gladly, perish.

YOU MAY NOW RETURN TO PITCHING TERRIBLE MOVIES.
.
Looking back at my unpopular opinion, this might, actually be, a good, terrible movie pitch.
Carry on.

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:joy_cat: :clap: :clapper:

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I’m not gonna disagree.

His dialogue isn’t any more idiosyncratic than the Coen Bros.

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The basic plotlines of his movies are gems.
With even a “B” movie budget, they would have been awesome.
Well, more awesome than they are, as they stand.

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It’s like other popular comic strips, but everyone wears cashmere, Dick Tracy, Ming the Merciless, the Incredible Hulk, Beetle Bailey, they all wear cashmere.

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Everyone wears cashmere! The teamsters, the donut people, the custodians, the electricians, the photographers, the roadies, the prop masters, the trained dogs, studio security, moguls, they all wear cashmere!

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