Describe your work like you're Ed Wood pitching a terrible movie to potential investors

The newspaper heroine’s day starts with her finishing a double degree in Egyptology and Linguistics so as to better make out her Boomer bosses’ attempts at penmanship. Her main boss is crusty but also extremely unlikable.

Later, she wears a Hostess Sno-Ball™ on her head while being courted by an extremely dim and meddlesome cop, who nonetheless looks really scrumptious in a torn shirt.

A giant land-squid attacks the overpriced dive bar across the street from the office. (OK we can’t afford any new land-squid footage but there’s some I had, uh… left over from another project. We’ll just use that.) Officer Hunky shoots at it and everything’s fine. Well, the food is still terrible over there but you know… captive audience and all that.

Finally, the heroine remembers that the regular mailroom person (Bela Lugosi) is pretending to be out sick while he world-conquers so, “Time for go to basement.” She discovers that once again, a crucial supply like tape or ink ran out and no one told her earlier. She lights the mailroom on fire, announcing “They tampered one time too many in LeJoy’s domain,” as she is rescued by her cop paramour and the camera pulls back and the credits roll.

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I’m sold. Are they hiring?