I tried to get into the Gizmoplex Virtual Theater, but Crow kept saying “CAB MISTER” over and over again.
No idea what that’s all about.
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Tell him you’d prefer the Shiraz instead. 
(not even sorry)
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Ah, that was our backup Crow. We’re still working on the AI for him. Our bad!
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Can you point me in the direction of Haitian-Canadian tchotchkes?
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I am not sure who to direct this to. Ivan, I imagine.
But when I enter the Gizmoplex to watch a film, the audio is messed up. There are voices talking over parts of the film, I think it is some of the tech crew or something. Somebody should get on that. Also, there is some shmutz on the bottom of the screen, kind of baffling since it is a digital service.
But my frustration with this kinda peaked since I paid good money for this service. So I decided to source the viewings of the movies elsewhere. I had a decent amount of luck doing so and have finally been able to watch quite a few of these films as intended.
But to my shock and horror, I discovered that these films are not very good! So my question is can Ivan or some other techie in charge fix these films and make them better? I am just trying to get my money’s worth. It almost feels like whoever picked the movie selection picked bad films deliberately.
I don’t mean to be harsh and I am sure everybody is working hard here. Just, could someone make these films less bad?
Thank you.
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I like to watch The Bubble.
I like to watch The Bubble.
I like to watch The Bubble.
I like to watch The Bubble.
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This might be a Sev0 but it might be a Sev2. I’m not sure. I don’t have prior experience with this.
To my right, there is… something. It’s definitely something. It lacks a coherent shape and it isn’t like a cloud or anything. There’s kind of a “shimmer” to it and it’s always in motion.
While it lacks anything that could be described as a mouth or appendages, I can feel it reaching toward me and a… voice?.. but more like it originates in my head than something my ears detect. It sorta sounds like phonemes being made on a taiko drum that is beaten out of rhythm.
Anyway, who can help me pair this to my phone via Bluetooth?
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I think that’s Amazon’s latest at-home widget. Keeps an eye on the house and lets you order things just by thinking of them. Whatever you do, don’t let it connect to your phone or convince you to develop an app.
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Ah, the Help Desk is proud to tell you that you’ve become part of one of many of our experiments. We will get back to you with a survey to tell us about your experience. The survey is 600 pages long. Pay attention. Questions are duplicated.
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I would like to report that there is a FAKE Fake Help Desk that is actually answering user questions. The nerve of some people!
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There might be some in that jar of spaghetti sauce over there.
(I hope this post doesn’t get me fired from Alternaversal.)
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Yes, professional Fake Help Desk intern, what can I do for you?
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My Alternaversal job offer letter got lost in the mails. What are you going to do about it?!
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[pours pancake syrup into the fax machine]
Why don’t you try faxing it instead?
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Hey, can you send that again? The pancakes came through just fine but the syrup’s a little garbled.
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I want to send the pancakes again, but I’m also thinking of NOT sending the pancakes again…
… that’s right. I’m waffling.
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GROAN!!
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I HAD TO
i had no choice in the matter
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Uh, excuse me, we got French Toast from an “opti”, would you know anything about that? We want to make sure we’re sending our review to the right place.
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