If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

Cheesy Movies
#1

Has anyone ever seen this before? I would consider it to be the Manos of religious movies. It’s hilarious and amazing and I cannot recommend watching it enough. It’s mostly about what will happen to all the good and righteous Christians when the Communists invade the U.S. Sort of like Invasion U.S.A. with more preaching. And more gore. Because the guy who directed this, Ron Ormond, started out doing exploitation films, including Mesa of the Lost Women, which has been featured on Rifftrax.

You can watch the whole thing on Youtube-

But if you don’t have time, at least treat yourself to my favorite scene-

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#2

I haven’t seen it, but the title sounds familiar. Perhaps there was a book, back in the '70s (the last time I was reading religious lit other than the occasional CS Lewis or Thomas Merton)?

If I did read it, I have no real memory of it.

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#3

Ormund was also the janitor in Teenage Strangler.

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#4

I didn’t realize that! Great MST3K connection!

#5

Excellent excellent excellent stuff – I actually snagged a (gray-market) DVD of this from our very same dearly departed prior source for the “missing” MST3K disks back when that was still in operation (no point in naming names at this late date, but, seriously, we miss you! and I can only presume you are somewhere here on the new forum) . . . . but anyway, this is truly the ne plus ultra exemplar of Christian propaganda filmmaking. Mwah! <chef’s kiss>

(As a bonus that un-nameable DVD also came with a full copy of The Grim Reaper, also by Ormond, which I have not yet steeled myself to watch. Great stuff though! And I’m not making fun of Ormond – he had some kind of near-death accident which turned him on to Jesus and off gore films and roller derby promotion . . . . he was clearly 100% sincere. A little too sincere?)

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#6

Cinema Snob did the entire trilogy including Burning Hell and Believer’s Heaven.

Religious film or 70s exploitation film? I’ll do both!

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#7

I looked it up, and apparently I never read it, but may have seen it in a Xtian bookstore at the time.

Why do I feel like I dodged a bullet? I read ‘The Late Great Planet Earth’ and it can’t possibly be worse than that, right?

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#8

It’s great. Or terrible.

Has a hilariously demented view of Communism and sits among the very best Christian films that are totally nuts, like Ultimate Redemption and Jerusalem Countdown.

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#9

This would be a good one for The Mads or Rifftrax, they don’t mind going after this kind of material.

I still hope one of them will pick up my favorite religious film, Stalked.

It’s like an episode of The Prisoner directed by the Lutheran Churches of America. Bonus points for containing a Brutalist sculpture of the crucifixion.

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#10

I can only hear the title in this voice and rhythm.

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