In honor of Girl in Gold Boots' broadcast anniversary (4/18), let's answer one burning question once and for all

What are you people doing?

Critter’s the worst at everything!

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Do you want to laugh or cry?

Neither, Critter old son, I want to RUN AWAY!!!

It’s hard to tell if Michele is a decent dancer or not, since none of the go-go dancers at the club were given decent choreography to work with. She could have the talent of the Black Swan but it wouldn’t show through the bump-and-jerk.

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Exactly. It’s not her fault, the club gave her nothing to work with.

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Doesn’t Michelle get extra talent points for being able to play the harmonica while dancing?

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She’s a multitalented creative force!

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Michelle can project giant images of her head, so that’s got to count for something.

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I can’t believe Critter is in the lead here. “Well licky me!”

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With her butt, even!

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Technically, Critter’s chosen art form is “dharma bum”, while Michele’s is “runaway”. She is definitely the better of the two, as she escapes a suffocating life to become a big success and happy bride. Meanwhile he loses his vagabond lifestyle and will probably die in combat.

Gosh, that got dark quick.

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