"It's Alive!" (1969) (Not the killer baby film from 1974. I wish it was.)

Do you have a moment to talk about “schlockmeister” Larry Buchanan? I just watched this monstrosity (not in a good way) last night. I would have put it in the movies that need to be riffed thread, but I’m not sure it should be riffed. Maybe it could have been done in the old days where, like Last of the Wild Horses, the movie was boring enough they just decided to ignore it and use the opportunity to do something fun in the wrap segments.

I keep a spreadsheet with every film I see produced or distributed by American International. Each entry includes my own 1-10 rating for the film I watched. I’ve watched a lot of bad movies from AIP so far, but I have never had occasion to rate an AIP film as a Bill Rebane level “1.” Until now.

Unlike Manos or Monster A-Go-Go (my God I never though I would ever have the opportunity to compare Monster A-Go-Go to something favorably,) “It’s Alive!” doesn’t have a premise that is theoretically entertaining but is failed by the creators. No, this is an uninspired film, boringly - I would even say indifferently - produced and directed, with nothing at all to redeem it.

It has even has an acting low-point. Tommy Kirk, child star and participant in many mildly interesting romps in the 1960s is seen here dismally trudging through this dreck with other actors ranging from bad to embarrassingly dreadful. I given the film extra negative points for this, as it is just sad. I understand he had substance abuse problems at the end of his career, and this film does nothing to contradict that. (Incidentally, I might have given it 1.5 for the borrowed monster suit, but it is seen only briefly and the unbearable sadness of Tommy Kirk takes away points.)

On the other hand, if you are like me and enjoy plumbing the depths of to which filmmakers can sink for a buck or two, “It’s Alive!” may be worth checking out. It’s on Plex and Tubi, so it won’t cost anything.

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