Lembach says he's leaving. What can we do to make him stay?

Please don’t leave, Lembach!

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We could use persuasive rhetoric.

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We could cut back on the torcha.

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We could show him where the fish lives.

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I’d avoid showing him where your tongue lives though.

Although he might be into it.

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Offer him a role as Aric Von Zippar.

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Flag all his posts for having either too many naughty words, or an insufficient amount of them.

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Offer him some ham. Everyone loves ham. I love ham, even more than my ugly little dummy.

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Sorry, but I only go for dudes with eyebrows that look like twin diving platforms.

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It’s one of a number of bargaining chips we could use.

There’s meat…

… and we’ve got string…

… and tortillas stuffed with ham…

… and if he’ll stay, we’ll fold his sheets, if he’ll just stay where he am.

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Um, Lembach? Oh, say… Lembach?

We have something really cool to show you, Lembach!

Yeah, it’s an Adrienne Barbeau calendar, Lembach! …Well, how about Rhea Perlman?

Oh, uh, Lembach - do you like technology?

Oh yeah yeah yeah, we have a conrad-johnson amp up here, Lembach. You can see the tubes!

Yeah! Hungry, Lembach? Arnie’s Whole-Beef Halves just delivered!

Uh, Boston Commons is on!

The latest issue of Femme Fatale!

Rick James back from the slammer in a rare acoustic performance!

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Well, one thing’s for sure. We won’t be able to tempt Lembach to stay with a Hamdinger. Nobody likes those.

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Perhaps with some kind of death ray. They are only for peaceful purposes, and making someone stay’s peaceful, right?

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How about a Hamburger Sammich with French Fried Potatoes Garnish?

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If all else fails, we could conk him on the noggin and shoot him into space. Although, technically, he’d still be leaving that way.

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I got some deadly bees out back. Will they help at all?

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I think all we need to do is pool together all of our ram chips and offer them. Lebech is sure to stay after that.

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With a glazed look in our unfocused eyes and one arm slowly extended in order to caress his lustrous hair, we could haltingly confirm to Lembach that, to the best of our knowledge, the Master would approve of his staying.

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Offer him the ability to decides who lives and who dies?

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We should consult Kenny on this matter. Surely he’ll have a solution to save the day!

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