And, in fact, if he signs on a new car, he can go ahead and keep the pen while he’s at it.
Distract him by reenacting his very favorite Mentos™ ad, complete with the jingle.
Free tickets to Dorkin Circus!
Offer him a shoestring and a picture of Eve Arden.
What can make Lembach stay? IT’S A NEW CAAAAAAAAAAR!
oh crap, he’s driving back home
It took me a moment to realize you meant “short films” and not, you know. Short shorts. Do safety shorts have a steel… uh… a steel… never mind.
a steel belted radial? Yes. The safety short pant is OSHA approved.
Manly beach dancing?
Not even a man with the legendary strength of Lembach can resist the eye appeal – the wow! appeal – of our attractively arranged display of assorted taste-tempting, wholesome specialty breads.
Summon the Parade of Kennys!
Fine, fine, sheesh! I’m back… so what’d you all want? You’ve got 2 minutes to pitch whatever it was, then I’m off again.
Hey, if we each ask Lembach to hang around for five minutes, that’s got to add up to some serious staying time, doncha think?
Hey good news guys, Lembach’s staying for a few minutes!
Uh…nothing. I mean, no offense, but Lembach doesn’t really seem to do much. We just want your general presence. For, um, ambience.
Well, perhaps you can imagine why that makes me feel so uncomfortable that I tend to leave soon. Or change my mind about coming over at all.
I think you’re on to something here, but what if we really shoot for the moon – combine this extraordinary collection of quality breads with the convenience and reliability of an Anheuser-Busch freezer?
These are very rare and difficult to come by these days, but if Lembach does agree to stay, when he does finally leave he will be the proud new owner of a genuine pair of Joe Namath netted slingshot briefs.
Offer him a slice of Crow’s Mile high lemon meringue pie, who doesn’t love lemon meringue pie?
Maybe Lembach is leaving because Discourse is about to ban his browser for not being the very most latest model of web browser available. We could keep him here by rolling back MSD3K to a version that isn’t browser bigoted.
Just like the old gypsy woman foretold!