Let's play Calvinball!

We need to get the rules straight, of course. I don’t remember all of them, but I’m sure you all can help me.

Here’s the ones I remember-

  • There are seven bases but you have to go backwards from base 4 to base 3.

  • No one may touch the quarterback unless he’s standing on the touchdown mound.

  • Croquet mallets can only be used during the fifth inning, but only in self-defense.

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The score is still Q to 12.

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If you’re interested, the Board of Directors of The Super-Secret, Pseudo-Private, Regular Lounge™ is considering installing a Calvinball court.

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You forgot the first and only permanent rule of Calvinball:

You can’t play it the same way twice!

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I think you’ll find it’s oogy to boogy

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What’s in retrograde right now? I’m pretty sure that makes a big difference.

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And it’s a full moon this weekend.

Pretty sure you need a tennis racket to play this game.

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Doesn’t defining rules for Calvinball defeat the purpose of Calvinball?

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As soon as you define rules, they’ve changed.

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roddy1

roddy2

Rowdy Roddy Piper on the ethos of Calvinball.

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Well, you evaded the Zlorf queen, flew past the tyrannosaurus as a pterodactyl, navigated your way through a world without perspective, and made it to first base, but you forgot to recite a poem praising tigers’ hunting prowess, so I’ll have to dock you three points.

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But that lands me on a green square, so I sink your battleship!

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Guys! You aren’t playing right! I’m gonna take my lacrosse sticks and go home!

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I’ll see your lacrosse sticks, and raise you one-seventh of a gross of water balloons!

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Hey! No making extra teammates out of snow goons!

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Are we still required to have a month-old (minimum) pickled herring stuffed in our left sock or is that only in months with 5 Thursdays?

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Months with five Thursdays and a state holiday in Luxembourg. Otherwise, you can make due with kippers.

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Wait, are we playing Calvinball or Fizzbin?

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I always understood that if William Shatner and money were involved, it’s Fizbin, otherwise it’s Calvinball. Which makes distinguishing between the two at a professional level difficult.

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