Neo takes the blue pill.
11 Likes
Nick pays for ballet lessons for Alex.
1 Like
Galdalf: Here, Frodo, I found you a ride.
Giant eagle lands outside Bag End.
7 Likes
Teen 1: The serial killer is coming for us!
Teen 2: Oh no, I dropped my cell phone in the lake!
Teen 1: Oh no, my phone has no service in this forest!
Teen 3: Well I’m on Verizon, America’s Fastest 5G Network TM and I’ve already called for help. I hear the police sirens now!
Police: We’ve caught the killer thanks to you and your industry-leading Verizon service! Thanks kids!
ROLLS CREDITS * BROUGHT TO YOU BY VERIZON
8 Likes
“Why yes, I did the electric slide with Beelzebub under a cloudless sky one night in Sandusky, Ohio,” replied Thomas Wayne, confusing the unnamed assailant just long enough for Martha to step in and level him with a kick to the groin.
5 Likes
Yes, Senator, we’re Val’s parents and we’re a gay couple. Val wanted us to put on a charade, but we’re proud of who we are and we aren’t going to pretend to be something we’re not.
9 Likes
KHAN: THIS IS CETI ALPHA FIVE! Ceti Alpha Six exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid waste. ‘Admiral’ Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically-engineered intellect that allowed us to survive. On Earth, 200 years ago, I was a prince with power over millions.
CHEKHOV: Right. We had no way of knowing Ceti Alpha Six would blow up. You didn’t know, even with your “genetically-engineered intellect.” The captain left you here because otherwise the Federation would have locked you up. We really didn’t have a chance to check. You’re a smart guy. Figure it out.
TYRELL: Look, let us bring you somewhere else. We’ve found plenty of other planets you could settle on without all the wind storms and earworms.
KHAN: You’d do that?
CHEKOV: Sure. We’ll even bring you some new clothes, unless you’re really into the whole post-apocalyptic thing.
7 Likes
“Oh, hey, if anyone was wondering, it was Judge Doom who framed Roger Rabbit.”
“We should probably arrest him.”
“Yeah.”
3 Likes
“Did you count heads?”
“Yeah, Kevin’s missing.”
“Phew that was close, we almost left him home alone!”
19 Likes
“Hey, I just thought, Kevin is a picky eater and honestly it’s horrible that the only thing he could eat was the first thing that everyone went for, it was plain cheese, no-one wants plain cheese, frankly we’ve all been treating him pretty badly I mean, Butch announced that he ate the pizza specifically to upset Kevin, and we chose to ignore that, and Uncle Frank… you’re just horrible… maybe we should consider apologizing to him and spend this vacation reflecting on why we treat him that way?”
7 Likes
“Kobayashi? How are you spelling that? Like the mug company?”
8 Likes
Unfortunately, Emmett found out the hard way that flux capacitors melt down at 87 mph.
7 Likes
“Hey James Stewart, who’s your big rabbit friend?”
“Oh, this is Harvey. It’s a good thing he isn’t invisible or people might think I’m crazy and try to get me committed.”
9 Likes
“Why are you wearing that stupid rabbit suit?”
“I’ll be honest with you dude, that’s never really gonna make sense…”
9 Likes
“Mary Poppins, your fee is outrageous. I shall not pay it. Your services as governess are not required. Good day!”
10 Likes
On second thought, instead of landing let’s just nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
6 Likes
You could end Mary Poppins earlier than that…
(9 years earlier)
Mrs Banks: “Let’s not have children darling, let’s just bask in living in the 1920’s when everything has cocaine in it!”
Mr Banks: “Okeydoke”
9 Likes
“On second thought, H.I., I don’t really want a baby.”
“Well OK then.”
2 Likes
“There’s no way we’re going to find that thing that just burst out of his chest. We’ve got to evacuate the ship and call in the marines”
4 Likes
[To a Servingman] “What lady is that, which doth enrich the hand
Of yonder knight?”
“That, sire, is the fair Juliet, daughter of my master and your host for the evening, Lord Capulet.”
“O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear . . .”
“She’s thirteen, sire.”
(long spit take) “Oh, look at the time. If you’ll just get my hat and coat, I’ll be going now, thank you.”
10 Likes