Movies that Need to be Riffed by the MST3K Gang

Since it’s pretty unlikely they could acquire the rights to do that, would you settle for a Day The Earth Stood Still ripoff made with about one quarter of the budget and one tenth of the good as the original?

I couldn’t sleep last night and watched this for the first time. It’s not quite a B movie; more like a C+ movie at best. It does have a couple of stars in Patricia Neal (from the original TDTESS) and Helmut Dantine. Lots of scene padding and some bare bones direction from Burt Balaban. I know they don’t want to do B&W or non widescreen movies on MST anymore, but maybe the Mads or Rifftrax could tackle this one.

I’ll even provide the first riff for the first five seconds of the movie:

Summary

Greeeeeeeeeen Acres is the place to be!

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They did do The Mask, so B&W films are once again a possibility.

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I just found that the rights to the (pre-Full House) John Stamos action movie NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE is owned by Shout! Factory.

Would this make for prime riffing material? Absolutely. Will MST3K actually riff it? I doubt it — this movie has its fair share of adult content, plus there’s also Gene Simmons’ character who may be in bad taste. Something to consider, at least, knowing it could be fairly easy to license.

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I just watched this wonderful slice of 70s cinema the other night. I think it would be a perfect movie to get riffed.

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Oh yeah, this is definitely up either MST3K or RiffTrax’s alley.

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Sweet Mother of Bog, uh, God! That looks so terrible I’m in awe of it. Would love to see this on MST!

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If we’re looking for a '00s era target, how about the 2007 Filipino sci-fi film, Transmutators?

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I’m going to go dark horse and say Deathstalker IV.

The lost Deathstalker movie, and with good reason. It’s probably half stock footage from earlier Roger Corman fantasy movies, which is par for the course for his 90s works. (Remember the Wizard of the Lost Kingdom movies?) What makes Deathstalker IV notably bad is that it is mostly made up of stock footage from the first three Deathstalker movies and it recycled their plots.

  • Like the original Deathstalker, the plot centers around an evil magic-using ruler holding a tournament as part of their evil scheme.
  • Like the second Deathstalker, there’s a disposed princess working with the hero in secret to reclaim her land.
  • Like the third Deathstalker, the evil wizard is trying to make an invincible army.

Unlike the original Deathstalker, all the naked bits can be cut without losing any of the plot, such as it is.

Also, and I can’t believe this, it has a profile page on TCM.

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I’m also going to suggest the 1983 movie She, starring Sandahl Bergman, who really, REALLY needed someone to help her pick better scripts after getting a Golden Globe win a year earlier.

To explain this movie, I am going to go to one of my favorite writers, who I just discovered reviewed this movie during his brief stint as the film critic for Imagine Magazine in 1985. Take it away, Neil Gaiman!

For those with more perverse tastesthere is SHE (Avatar, 18)— ostens-ibly based on H Rider Haggard’swonderful book, although the onlysimilarity I could spot is that both ofthe SHE’s in question are female.Fighting fantasy after the Bomb:Tom and Dick are hunting for Tom’ssister, Hari (imaginative names,huh folks?); aided by SHE (SandahlBergman, who played Valeria in the firstConan thing) they cross the yellow forestof death, fight mutants, escape from thepriests of Godin, and battle the Monty-pythonesque Xenon before going upagainst the City of the Norks. Just badenough to be very funny for those willingto ignore the fact that the plot, the actingand the direction are of Plan Nine FromOuter Space standard. A must for anyonewho likes throwing popcorn at the screen.

Sounds like prime MST3K fodder, doesn’t it? :slight_smile:

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The only thing I really remember about this film is among the post-Apocalyptic relics is a random product placement of Kellogg’s cereals.

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Stephen King’s SLEEPWALKERS, though the explicit incest angle may make it difficult.

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Well there was that one moment in Ator.

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It may be too high profile a turkey, but the Barbara Streisand adaptation of HELLO DOLLY. It takes a very simple stage musical and transforms it into an overpowering hurricane of overproduction.

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Too significant of a production to afford. Now that Fox is part of Disney? Practically impossible.

I love the idea. Lost Horizon (1973) is my wish.

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Significant in that it helped kill off the spate of overblown mega budget movie musicals the success of The Sound of Music inspired.

Oh well. Fingers crossed. I never thought RT would get the rights to Super Mario. :smiley:

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Another Fox? Perfect for MST? Doctor Dolittle (1967). For the same reasons you chose Hello, Dolly! (1969).

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An elderly Fox exec once speculated there are still warehouses full of unsold Dolittle merch.

Rex Harrison stated it was one of the most miserable shoots of his career. At one point he was in a field of sheep, urinating on him, biting him, infesting him with fleas…and he had to smile. Considering his rep for being difficult, I almost feel pity.

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I read into Harrison’s history one night when I had insomnia. Big mistake.

He shoulda’ been forced to shoot a sequel, too. :stuck_out_tongue:

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I just discovered that Golan Globus made an entire series of ultra cheap fairy tale movies in the mid 80’s. All of which were commercial failures, and after the first two bombed in the theater, the rest were sent straight to video (though they were later picked up by Disney and rebranded as “Storybook Cinema”)

The nine films in the series are: The Frog Prince (1986), Sleeping Beauty (1987), The Emperor’s New Clothes (1987), Rumpelstiltskin (1987), Snow White (1987), Beauty and the Beast (1987), Hansel and Gretel (1988), Puss in Boots (1988), and Red Riding Hood (1988), but they all have that Golan Globus Alien from L.A./Quest of the Delta Knights stench of one or two moderately well-known actors slumming paired with a bunch of nobodies. The Hansel & Gretel one has David Warner in it (of course) and looks to be an appropriate mixture of schlock and whimsical nightmare fuel.

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