Movies that Need to be Riffed by the MST3K Gang

And on ice- and roller-skating rinks for YEARS.

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I remember having to sing “You Light Up My Life” in a choral concert in 1990 or so. I was born a few years after it came out, and I hadn’t heard of it before. I don’t know if I would have, had I not had to sing that song.

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Even better would be its follow-up, If Ever I See You Again, which I had blocked from my memory and only dimly recall now. My sister dragged me to it when I was a kid, probably in exchange for her taking me to see Close Encounters or something.

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THRILL as a man films his own ego trip!”

I have so many questions about If Ever I See You Again but my main question is:

What happened to his rental car?

When he flew to Los Angeles “just for the day“ he rented a blue Cadillac at the airport, then drove to Shelley Hack’s house in Malibu. After one of the most dull conversations ever filmed, she gives him a ride in her car back to the airport. So what happened to his Cadillac?

IEISYA can claim to it’s credit one of the best montages ever. Sailboats, ice cream cones, horses on the beach, track & field, a background choir SHOUTING the drippy love song lyrics… topped off by a mind-bending montage redux flashback later in the movie of the original montage.

Bad movie heaven.




Sylvester Stallone tried to top this one montage six times in Staying Alive, but failed.

P.S. You’re still wonderful and good night.

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The most recent Fantastic 4 movie. In my opinion, this movie is broken. The plot was rather slow to develop. The main characters origin stories took a very long time to develop. There was a point in the movie where it felt like a 2nd act type battle was under way, then suddenly the movie was over. I checked the run time. Went back about 20 minutes then skimmed ahead. Sure enough that was the movie. I felt like the writers got bored with their own story by the 2nd act and must have decided, “yeah, well that’s all we got. Let’s write a quick climax scene and call it a movie. Who’s up for some Torgo’s Pizza?” Overall, just a boring slow movie. I don’t blame the main actors, I think they did their best with a lame script.

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It’s definitely a movie where behind the scenes shenanigans were going on, especially between the director and the studio.

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So Eraser somehow now has a sequel…

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The Shadow (1994)

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Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995)

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The 1986 movie Amazons. It has a decent story, thanks to a script by legendary fantasy author Charles Saunders of Imaro fame, but the execution of that story was awful.

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Man of Tai Chi
C’mon, man, it’s Keanu! Nuff Said!

Of course, I refer to it as Man of Tai Cheese…so I altered it’s subtitles accordingly.

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This won’t happen but the original Buffy movie would be a nice idea.
I suggest this because I made fan fiction about it: bit.ly/MSTBuffy

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Howling: New Moon Rising

It’s the seventh “film” in the Howling franchise. And, much like a flashback episode from a sitcom, it shows clips from previous Howling movies. But it’s mostly just line dancing and some cringe humor.

I’ve watched a lot of bad movies over the years, so I don’t say this lightly. But I still believe Howling: New Moon Rising is the worst movie I’ve ever seen. At the very least, it’s the worst werewolf movie I’ve ever seen. Throughout the movie, I found myself asking, “Where wolf?”

It’s been years since I watched it, but the pain is still with me. It’s palpable. And I want others to experience this suffering with me.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_howling_new_moon_rising

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Puppet Master: The Legacy, the 8th film in the series, does this exact same thing. Like, there’s a separate story in it, but it mostly consists of flashback footage from the prior 6 films.

I feel bad for the people who rented/bought it thinking it was a new installment. They must have been so bummed.

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Could have sworn I suggested the Josh Kirby: Time Warrior! series in one of the suggestion threads, but I can’t find that post. Anyway, it’s a film series produced by Charles Band’s Moonbeam label that seems to be an answer to Doctor Who’s 90s hiatus.

Edit: And here’s the trailer.

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I remember in 1971 my parents couldn’t’ get a babysitter and took all three of us kids to the drive in to see Play Misty for Me and back then everything was a double feature so the #2 billing was Candy from 1968. They put us in the back of the station wagon and gave us books and games to play. All I remember is the scene in Candy where the Guru is in the back of the truck with her.

I have since re-watched it and it’s so bad that it could be riffed but it is R rated so it would be a very tough title to bring to the Gizmoplex.

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What a cast! What a director! What writers!

How could it possibly be bad?!

duck

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Atomic explosions! Geological theories that became hopelessly antiquated the same year the movie was released! A B-plot with Dana Andrews that runs around in circles! A catchy orchestral theme that begs for lyrics! A completely over the top tag line! Bang! Zoom! Here’s a moon!

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:confounded: Surprised the poster’s catchphrase isn’t “The best of all possible movies.” :worried:

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