RT was in its element there. It’d take real nerve to try again, but sure. Why not?
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Planet of the Vampires
- The planet looks like boogers and ear wax.
- Super cheap set. The flooring looks like carpet samples. Parts are everyday objects dressed up.
- Clunky dialog, mansplaining, it’s like listening to audio descriptions of a movie.
- How slowly can you walk before you start moving backwards?
- I haven’t shut up because it BEGS for sassing.
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And let’s not forget that classic line: “It’s no use Mark, you can’t harm me with violence”
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5th worst comedy according to Mike Nelson in a Cracked article.
What happens when the stuffy, button down world of the corporate boardroom meets the nutty, high-energy mayhem of prop comedian Carrot Top? Well, I would tell you, but the results are so dark, so punishingly and relentlessly execrable that I fear it would break your mind. But here’s a little glimpse:
A wealthy corporate type, played by Jack Warden, has car trouble and is rescued by an eccentric inventor named Edison, played with depth and intelligence by British actor Clive Owen (kidding – it’s Carrot, of course). Instead of doing the sensible thing, which is to scream and start swinging madly with a tire iron, Warden goes home and changes his will, leaving everything to Mr. C. Top. (I’m assuming the rest of his estate was divided evenly between Emo Phillips, Howie Mandell, and Gallagher.) Like most people who encounter Carrot Top for any length of time, Warden dies soon after, putting Carrot in charge.
It goes without saying that he runs afoul of all manner of authority figures, including Larry Miller and Raquel Welch, who is now comprised of 68 percent post consumer recycled parts. One of the things that is so frustrating about the film is that at no time does a character ask the question that is surely on everyone’s mind: that is, “In the name of all that is good and holy, Carrot Top, what happened to your face? No offense, my friend, but are you a secret government experiment that went horribly wrong? Are you, sir, a freakish monster created by fusing together discarded clown parts? I know – you fell out of a 750 foot-tall ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, only to be dragged up to the top and dropped several more times, right? Please tell me, I’ll go mad unless I know! What are you?!”
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I synced it up with a riff on the iriff section of fan created riffs on Starz but Rifftrax needs to roast this movie. It has one of the most memorable Siskel and Ebert reviews especially when it’s compared to a better movie they reviewed.
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I’d like to see something really ridiculous. I know RT has done Casablanca and some other classic “light entertainment” things.
Just go harder with it.
Citizen Kane, The Godfather, (maybe not Schindler’s List), Black Narcissus, maybe one of the Lubitsch musicals. One of Jean Renoir’s movies, or Rififi or Army of Shadows. Opening Night.
Apocalyse Now and The Deerhunter have already appeared in various references in riffs a number of times, but do those start to finish!
Or, as a fan-service for those who haven’t yet braved such fare, Heaven’s Gate.
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I have 10 movies that need to be riffed. Possibly the worst movies I’ve seen.
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Not one of gerbil boy’s better movies.
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Yeah, definitely Gere has had some stinkers along the way. Not sure if this one is really one for the MST3K crew to do, but could be a possibility for sure.
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Along the theme of “classic” movies, I’d like to see some Igmar Bergman films riffed. Seventh Seal is the obvious one, but what about Wild Strawberries or Through a Glass Darkly?
Also, I’d like to challenge the crew to riff a silent film… Cabinet of Dr. Caligari? Or what about this serial starring Harry Hudini as a detective who battles the first robot ever shown on film?
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Master of Disguise is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen! Excellent choice. It is so embarrassingly bad, and clearly an attempt by Dana Carvey to “one up” Mike Myers for Austin Powers, that falls so flat. I feel like that is one of the rare comedies that is riffable because the jokes just are not funny and it is very derivative.
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I know, right?
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Rem Lazar?
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Wow. I don’t think it’s a MST3k thing necessarily but The Rats are Coming, The Werewolves are Here! With dialogue in the vein of Garth Merengi’s Darkplace.
Note that “I can change myself at will” is the end of the movie. That’s the big surprise. Even the title gives away werewolves, which is a third act twist. Also, it’s not a “scary” movie, it’s a melodrama with some werewolves in it. Not in and of itself a bad thing despite the bait and switch but it feels like whenever Bart Simpson is writing a play.
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3rd worst comedy according to Mike Nelson in a Cracked article. It’s even mentioned in the beginning of Nostalgia Critic’s review.
One day, a studio head shouted to his staff, “Give me a film that features Brent Spiner playing a character with irritable bowel syndrome. And build it around one of those lesser guys from Saturday Night Live – Patrick Weathers or Charles Rocket. No, make it Dana Carvey!”
“But, sir, that won’t be funny in the least. In fact, audiences will sprint away from the very—”
“Damn it, man. Don’t give me excuses. Give me a weak script and a flatulent Brent Spiner, now!”
For the full 80 minutes of The Master of Disguise, gags leap dutifully from the screen, clear about two inches and fall to their death on the theater floor below. Dana Carvey, playing Pistachio Disguisy – yes, Pistachio Disguisy. Again, he plays a man named Pistachio Disguisy – mugs, cavorts and tomfoolerizes like a madman, and the result is not unlike the worst night of karaoke you’ve ever seen. Only with no liquor.
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These guys were such hacks. “Two hours!” exclaims Ebert repeatedly. (It’s only ninety minutes, dude.) Say Anything is a “great” movie. (Good lord. Who knew the pinnacle of romantic expression was holding a boom box over your head?)
I say we riff Siskel & Ebert!
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Start with their worst of 93 where Ebert picked a movie Siskel liked and vice versa.
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Talk about two guys who had gut reactions to movies and then spent their lives making up reasons why.
Carnosaur is…breezy schlock. Not the worst way to spend 2 hours (eighty minutes).
I don’t recognize the flying Twinkie. Cop and a Half? Mr. Nanny? Remains of the Day?
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Saw it in 6th grade spring break and Sandlot. Take a wild guess which one I still watch.
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“Tell me when you realized Burt Reynold’s career was never coming back.”
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