MST3K Movie Characters Justice League/Avengers

Heroes in MST3K movies are…a mixed bag.

But screw it. Let’s say you were making a 7 character team to protect Earth, but could only choose characters from movies done on MST3K. Who would you pick?

Off the top of my head:

  • Prince of Space. Guns wouldn’t work against him, so that would be a boon.
  • Ator. Our weapons expert and more reliable than any Hercules (they’d end up sleeping or flirting with the villain ladies)
  • Gamera, for the bigger sized threats
  • Samson/El Santo for up close fighting on human scale
  • Batwoman (Wild World of version) Has enough of a scientific mind to make tech and counter it…plus has a network of agents to help if needed.
  • Sybil. Sure she dicked over George for a bit, but she was the one who killed the villain of the movie. Magic user of the group
  • Jet Jaguar. Because you need a robot on the team. Can act as back-up for Gamera too if needed.
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  • Sam Casey- invisibility and mellowness
  • Pumaman- gotta have one member who flies, even if it is like a moron
  • Fingal- hacker/tech guy
  • Runaway from Future War- vaguely Van Dammeish action skills, loyalty
  • Dablone- demolitions, resourceful, wild card
  • Simon- magic user, token kid
  • Jan in the Pan- telepathy, sass, token lady
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Gotta’ have Moon Grey in there. She IS the undead, after all. We know how the kids today love that kinda’ thing. Plus, every comics universe needs at least one Reporter Girl™.

Also, Paper Chase Guy. He doesn’t look like much, but he did defeat Megaweapon. Maybe we could put him on rocket-powered roller skates, instead of that annoying bike.

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Megaweapon let him win. He felt sorry for the guy.

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Gristle McThornbody for outer space tactical know-how, brute force, and motivation, even if that motivation is limited to yelling “MOVE MOVE MOVE!”

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I feel like Munchie is a no brainer for the Mr Mxyzptlk role.

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Does that make Coily into Bat-Mite?

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The Incredible Melting Man for… um… hmmm…

[thinks on that for a while]

… uh, for melting incredibly, I guess.

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Worked for Action League Now:
image

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mst3k805hands

The big guy from The Thing That Couldn’t Die.

His hands are strong.

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And the Captain Marvel of the MST3KCU?

Ken from Fugitive Alien.

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Speaking of which, I think Tammy, and Nathalie from Soultaker would be good to have as backup. They can both handle guns.

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The League of Heroic Failures

  • Lemmankinan (he even has his own ‘failure’ theme song)

  • John Manston (Rocket Attack USA, the hero who saved New Yor… oops, never mind)

  • INPIT Agent Walker Stevens (Dr. Z - in the battle between two masters of science and nature, Stevens drove slowly, stumbled about the swamp, and crawled feebly. He couldn’t help his girlfriend, couldn’t save the world, couldn’t prevent the villain from hatching his evil plan. Good one dickweed)

  • Richard (Clonus Horror - but seriously, what did you expect, he died, he caused others to die, that he got as far as he did is sort of an accomplishment)

  • Dr. Ted Nelson (Melting Man - “Shazam!” Subsisting on a diet of strength inducing crackers, Dr. Ted merely has to shout his name to become invulnerable, bullets bounce right off h… oh crap!)

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Jodie from The Touch of Satan would like to join, but he’s busy capitulating somewhere else.

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As much as I love Estelle (which admittedly isn’t as much as Crow) can we get Vadinho from Pumaman as our magic user? Not sure who got more of a raw deal characterwise, him or Apache Chief in Superfriends.

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Great. Currently being pelted with suggested MST3KLeague members ranging from Touch Connors to Gumby and Pokey to Lovejoy. Argh.

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Eulabelle in the Amanda Waller role. She’s got more brains and way less self-pity than pretty much every bad movie hero.

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I don’t know if the rest of the team would like his back-up plan of “Suicide Bomb the Enemy”. …well except Gamera, who would see it as an easy way to get some flames to munch on.

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Let’s face it, we’re all doomed in this scenario.

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But it would be a fun to watch doom.

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