MST3K: The Terrible Reboot

There are a few threads discussing reboots and their perceived quality (often deemed as a mistake). As a fun and cathartic way to engage with this topic, I propose this thread where we fabricate the worst possible MST3K reboot ideas. Be as ridiculous as you wish, in fact the point is to be silly so that actual bad reboots don’t sting so much.

In your ideal (very wrong) scenario, what does a new take on MST3K look like?

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Jim Henson’s MSTie Babies

Infant versions of all the characters, with the Maddies subjecting Joey and his Toys to poor enactments of children’s books.

Each episode sees Frankie and Clay-clay (the big kids, but only a year or two older) acting out what they remember of books that were read to them in the past. Joey and his Toys respond by asking a lot of questions, and occasionally growing bored and finding something else to do.

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Sorry Chris. That still sounds too good lol

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History Defiance Theater

Our host and Bots are forced to watch old and wildly inaccurate documentaries, and spend their time correcting all the inaccuracies presented therein. Intended to be used in schools as an educational tool.

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Not only does this sound good, I volunteer to host it. Damn, Chris, you’re bad at bad!

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Inspired the how Netflix cheapens everything they touch…

First they drop the live human host since that costs more money. They use only cheaply made puppets that only mime since speaking roles pay more.
All the videos that are riffed are in the public domain (no matter the language) so they are free to use them. Riffing by mimes is something that’s hard to describe. You just have to see it to understand.
Viewer mail is made up by crew members on their lunch break (which they are required to work thru).

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Misery Silence Theater

Same show, but exclusively watches silent films. Turns out to be a real slog in the writing and final execution. Canceled after two episodes.

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Mystery Science Theater 3001

Actually the same show, but someone insisted on the title change so that audiences will know that this is a new show, not the old one.

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Mystery Science Satellite

What we do is take a bunch of psychopaths, shoot them into space, and have them stab each other in the back for the prize of being in the next awful Asyum-but-with-a-massive-budget film by [REDACTED]. They’ve each got a couple of advisor bots who encourage the worst sort of human behaviour. If anyone shows any sign of personal growth or being a decent human being, we’ll kill them off in the most horrible way.

A well-known streaming service has already bought three seasons.

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The host and the bots are replaced with two animated pre-teens and instead of movies they watch music videos. It’s a totally original idea that has never been done before.

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War of the Mystery Science Theaters
Produced by Peter Jackson
Directed by Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf as Joel Robinson
Benedict Cumberbatch as Mike Nelson
Emelia Clarke as Pearl Forrester

Joel returns to the SoL to enact vengeance upon Mike for corrupting his bot companions. Crow and Servo are now CGI, and can transform into giant killer robots. Not content to be left on the sidelines, Pearl transfers her conciousness into GPC, and wrecks havoc with everyone else’s plans by randomly shutting off life support. Joel and Mike are forced to band together to defeat Pearl, but the aciton scenes are so chaotic no one knows what is happening during most of them. Also, the show is all action, no movies are riffed, not even a short. The voices of the bots are so electronically altered to make them sound like cool transforming robots that no one can tell that they were acted by Dave Chapelle and Ezra Miller, which turns out to be the one bright spot in the series.

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MST3K: Beyond Thunderdome

In a post-apocalyptic future, next decade AD, a rugged film warrior deep in the wastelands has cobbled together a generator in order to power a DVD player to watch the movies they remember from before civilization collapsed. Not so much making jokes, but more openly weeping for the world that has been lost.

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Can’t we just get beyond MST3K: Beyond Thunderdome?

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Alex Jones Presents the Theater of Scientific Mysteries.

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Or just riffing on InfoWars shows. :face_vomiting:

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Sesame Workshop presents Mystery Fun Theater 3000 featuring Elmo and Abby Cadabby watching Caillou episodes!

You know, I’m actually surprised there hasn’t been a Sesame Street parody of MST3K.

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Magical Mystery Theater 1967

Takes place in a 1960s as imagined by young TV execs. All the bright colors and goofiness of Laugh-In and none of the awareness of what was actually happening in the world. The Vietnam War doesn’t exist but LSD is a staple of every American kitchen. Despite a stated goal of being escapist fun, most of the jokes are anachronistic put-downs of how people lived in the 60s.

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Sounds like That 60’s Show if they ever made it. (And they will.)

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Heh, wait until Mike Judge hears about this.

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Maybe because a lot of the people behind Sesame Street (aside from a few) have never heard of it before.

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