Joel: Still only $1.00? Is Hermenaut changing their price?
Servo: Paul Tillich in a secular magazine? Weird.
Crow: I wanna see what my America looks like!
Servo: Those Leisurely Slackers. Smothered in gravy, Texas style!
Crow: Cynicalman, he flies like a moron!
Servo: So teens don’t like heady philosophy, apparently.
Crow: Nobody doesn’t like Bruce Lee!
Jonah: How to Stuff a Masterpiece?
Crow: Paths of Glory vs. Beach Blanket Bingo?
Servo: By Chris Fujiwara?
All: NOOOOOOOO!!!
Servo: (singing) Turn the C in CULTURE around, and you’ve got… VULTURE!
Servo & Crow: (singing) Pop, pop, culture? No, pop, pop, vulture! Pop, pop, culture? No, pop, pop, vulture!
All: (singing) Pop culture? Pop vulture! Pop culture? Pop vulture! Pop culture? Pop vulture!
Crow: (singing) Pop vulture, baby!
Gypsy: (drops down with M. Waverly in a vulture costume) A cartoon by Dame Darcy.
M. Waverly: (wearing a vulture costume) I’m Pop Vulture, baby!
Jonah: Oh, since when did Marlo Thomas change the name?
Crow: (as Smitty) Welcome to Travels with Smitty! Hit it, Growler!
Gypsy: (drops down with Growler and his piano) And now, the Travels with Smitty theme, performed by Growler, the robot who plays the piano.
Servo: Can we do this for a host segment, please, Growler?
Growler: Yes, Tom Servo.
Servo: Their America’s back, and they’re going to ask the immortal question…
Crow: Whose America is it, anyway?
Servo: CROW!
Mike: I don’t think Nostradamus predicted Walt Disney.
Servo: I don’t think Kierkegaard listened to Liberace.
Crow: And I don’t think Socrates watched MST3K.
Mike: You’re not supposed to know that!
Crow: Oh. (whistles innocently)
Jonah: Including the tepid sequel, Anorexia/Technology II: Electric Techaloo.
Crow: Don’t forget the direct-to-video threequel, Anorexia/Technology III: This Time It’s Hungry!
Servo: And the prequel, “Anorexia/Technology Begins”!
Gypsy: (drops down) Life has been worse without Simone Weil!
Servo: Yeah, what about the zillion scholarly works about her?
Gypsy: I don’t care!
Crow: Uncle Microsoft is what I’m calling Bill Gates from now on!
Jonah: CROW!
Servo: Linda McCartney is so 1998 it hurts!
Crow: Oh yeah, J.G. Ballard wrote a series of novels called Do Crimes until he died!
Servo: Oh yeah, I remember Do Crimes IV: The Quickening, which put the series back on track after the unfortunate Do Crimes III: Tokyo Drift!
Crow: Sorry, Dick Gregory died in 2017!
Servo, Jonah: CROW!
Jonah: Two issues ago, they bashed us before they bashed Teletubbies!
Servo: The half Karen? I think we already know by now…
Crow: TOM!
Crow: My Life as a Wookiee, Peter Mayhew’s unpublished biography!