MSTing Hermenaut Covers!

Hermenaut insulted MST3K. Now, I’ll insult them back.


Joel: Still only $1.00? Is Hermenaut changing their price?
Servo: Paul Tillich in a secular magazine? Weird.
Crow: I wanna see what my America looks like!
Servo: Those Leisurely Slackers. Smothered in gravy, Texas style!
Crow: Cynicalman, he flies like a moron!

Servo: Do teenagers even like philosophy?

Joel: Heady philosophers are always the Hermenaut of the Month!

Joel: What’s a “Nyak Fiasco” again?
Servo: I don’t know, you had it last!

JTC: What is the fascination with Cops & Robbers!

Servo: Whose America?

Crow: Hey, I sent my memoirs to St. Martin’s Press a year ago. They tore it apart!
Joel, Servo: CROW!

Servo: Rodentt? Didn’t their debut album sell only 5 copies?

image

Servo: Still wondering if teens like heady philosophy or not.

Joel: Walt Whitman? Didn’t he write Leaves of Grass?

Crow: Woodstock never happened? Hey, Woodstock 2019 didn’t happen!
Joel, Servo: CROW!

Servo: Oh cripes, I remember that day…

Crow: Rosey Grier! He’s on the cover, hey, he’s on the cover, hey!

Joel: I wonder if The Master from Manos learned how to become a cult guru.

Gypsy: (drops down) How do I become a Kindness Freak? I haven’t got a membership card.

Oh, yeah? Where’s Ray Milland.

Servo: So teens don’t like heady philosophy, apparently.

Crow: Nobody doesn’t like Bruce Lee!

Jonah: How to Stuff a Masterpiece?
Crow: Paths of Glory vs. Beach Blanket Bingo?
Servo: By Chris Fujiwara?
All: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Servo: (singing) Turn the C in CULTURE around, and you’ve got… VULTURE!
Servo & Crow: (singing) Pop, pop, culture? No, pop, pop, vulture! Pop, pop, culture? No, pop, pop, vulture!
All: (singing) Pop culture? Pop vulture! Pop culture? Pop vulture! Pop culture? Pop vulture!
Crow: (singing) Pop vulture, baby!
Gypsy: (drops down with M. Waverly in a vulture costume) A cartoon by Dame Darcy.
M. Waverly: (wearing a vulture costume) I’m Pop Vulture, baby!

Jonah: Oh, since when did Marlo Thomas change the name?

Crow: (as Smitty) Welcome to Travels with Smitty! Hit it, Growler!
Gypsy: (drops down with Growler and his piano) And now, the Travels with Smitty theme, performed by Growler, the robot who plays the piano.
Servo: Can we do this for a host segment, please, Growler?
Growler: Yes, Tom Servo.

Servo: Their America’s back, and they’re going to ask the immortal question…
Crow: Whose America is it, anyway?
Servo: CROW!

Crow: Sorry, Ray not included!

Servo: Oscar Wilde is Hermenaut of the Month!

Crow: Hatebath? That’s Slotcar Hatebath to you.

Mike: I don’t think Nostradamus predicted Walt Disney.
Servo: I don’t think Kierkegaard listened to Liberace.
Crow: And I don’t think Socrates watched MST3K.
Mike: You’re not supposed to know that!
Crow: Oh. (whistles innocently)

Servo: Do we have to riff all of these people?

Crow: I better need to start writing Le Fleurs de Hermenaut.

Servo: Wait, they interviewed Evel Knievel?!
Crow: Let’s get to riffing Viva Knievel!
Mike: Hold on, Crow!

Mike: If Jorge Luis Borges did write The X-Files, it would be called A Universal History of Mulder and Scully.

Crow: Geez! No wonder why Pop Culture/Pop Vulture was weird!

Crow: Nancy & Lee and Sonny & Cher was the less successful sequel to Bob & Carol and Ted & Alice.

Joel: Yeah, lousy movie but cool soundtrack album.

1 Like

Joel: Watch out you guys, Dame Darcy gets dizzy.

Tom: Oh yeah? Gillespie or Dean?

1 Like

Jonah: Including the tepid sequel, Anorexia/Technology II: Electric Techaloo.
Crow: Don’t forget the direct-to-video threequel, Anorexia/Technology III: This Time It’s Hungry!
Servo: And the prequel, “Anorexia/Technology Begins”!

Gypsy: (drops down) Life has been worse without Simone Weil!
Servo: Yeah, what about the zillion scholarly works about her?
Gypsy: I don’t care!

Crow: Uncle Microsoft is what I’m calling Bill Gates from now on!
Jonah: CROW!

Servo: Linda McCartney is so 1998 it hurts!

Crow: Oh yeah, J.G. Ballard wrote a series of novels called Do Crimes until he died!
Servo: Oh yeah, I remember Do Crimes IV: The Quickening, which put the series back on track after the unfortunate Do Crimes III: Tokyo Drift!

Crow: Sorry, Dick Gregory died in 2017!
Servo, Jonah: CROW!

Jonah: Two issues ago, they bashed us before they bashed Teletubbies!

Servo: The half Karen? I think we already know by now…
Crow: TOM!

Crow: My Life as a Wookiee, Peter Mayhew’s unpublished biography!

Crow: Uh, do androids really dream of electric sheep?
Servo: No.

Joel: Please don’t tell me Doris Day’s an alien!

Servo: Well, I found a way to get up every morning.
Crow: Using your alarm clock!
Joel: CROW!

Joel: Coming soon: Citizen Real Wild Child.

Servo: Henri Bergson talks to horses!
Joel: Well, that would explain his career for the last 20 years.

I will give props for referencing PKD, Doris Day, Iggy Pop & Orson Welles in one issue. That’s a pretty nice range

image

Servo: Is Golgotha an actual Connecticut city?

Crow: Why yes, I am a identiopath. What’s that anyway?

Crow: Tom Servo and Gypsy, the ScornBots!
Servo: CROW!

Jonah: I think they spelled “cerebroma" wrong.

That was the previous issue!

Sorry, I’m doing the last issue last.

Are the articles online to read?

No. But they’re archived, I guess.

why am I doing this

Cause you’re a hermenaughty boy?

1 Like