My family is breaking apart

My mother has abandoned her family, run off to another state without a second thought. She says she’s not happy with her current life, and that me and my father have done nothing wrong, but she can’t stand to be with us anymore. My father and I are devastated. Anybody have any advice or kind words?

:frowning: That sucks. Sorry to hear it.

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I have no advice, but I offer a virtual hug if it will help.

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I’m devastated to hear this.

As a father of three, this is so difficult to read.
Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have often felt so undeserving of my children, so unprepared, so exhausted. COVID and the pandemic has ramped that up times 1000. I have 3 under 5 right now.

I’m praying for your mother. That she would find hope. She would find support and help to aid her to think clearly about what she’s doing. And that you, your father, and your mother would be reunited quickly, and heal and be stronger from this.

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I’m so sorry to hear this. Please know that her words ring true, and you and your father have not done anything wrong. It sounds like your mother is in need of some help. If you have someone you can talk to in person, that would be a good start to work out what’s going on in your heart and mind right now. Hugs to you Joshua_Skaug.

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Thank you for your kind words. I’m 30 years old but my parents are still the most important people in my life. Me and my father are feeling so very hurt, betrayed and lied to. She left nearly a month ago with little notice saying she was going to take care of a sick friend. Just told us one evening she was leaving the following day. All the while she said she was going to come back once her friend could be set up with better care. Then she tells us her name got pulled on an apartment list and she’s taking it, and that she’s not happy living with us anymore, the day before yesterday. She seemed to have come to her senses yesterday and said she would be home next week, then back tracked again today about coming back whenever, only for Dad to overhear her talking to an old boyfriend. When we confronted her she refused to talk about it. She basically thinks we should just give up and move on, and doesn’t seem to realize how we both feel lied to, abandoned and unbelievably hurt.

Thank you for your kind words.

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My parents divorced when I was 16, and my dad became an empty shell and wasn’t there for me.

I didn’t handle it well, in fact I went to substance abuse and anger for years. These kinds of things are devastating, life altering, and often times we tend to not handle them well. I urge you to seek some help, to process this correctly and to find peace and healing. There no shame in seeking professional help, I wish I did, would of saved me years of pain.

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My father has always been there for me and we are clinging to each other in our time of need right now.

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So glad that you have him for support. And thank you for reaching out and being transparent here. This is still super fresh for you, and I’m sure it’s hard to even get a grasp on what’s going on.

To be frank, it sounds like your mom is feeling some regret with her decision, but feels like it’s too late. And instead of facing the music, she’s pushing you and your father away. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers and that she would swallow her pride, seek some help, and work through the shame and difficulty keeping her from doing what she knows is right, being there for you and her husband.

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I’m terribly sorry, man.

I have long kicked myself in the ass for things that weren’t my fault, and I regret that, even as I continue to kick myself in the ass for things that weren’t my fault. I say that to say this: please do not be hard on yourself, do not take any guilt upon yourself here because you have no guilt to carry. It’s like @Urnotribs emphasized: you didn’t do anything wrong.

I am so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. Whatever support you can offer for your father, offer it. And at the same time, get whatever support you can for yourself - take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, do right by yourself. You deserve that.

If there’s someone you can rely on as a good friend and confidant, talk to them if you feel okay doing so. It’ll do a lot for yourself to keep what you’re going through from being bottled up. If not that, then write it all out on paper just to get that out there. I’ve done that in the past, and there’s a lot of catharsis bound up in that.

And know that you have a world of support here. We’ve got your back, brother, and we’re all hoping that everything will go well for you folks. If there’s anything you ever need, if there’s anything you need/want to discuss about any of this and if you feel comfortable doing so, please don’t hesitate to come to us.

You take care, then, and all the best to you folks.

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Thank you for your kind words

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If you need some tools to assist you at the moment, this has helped me in my life with seasons of grief. Just passing along if you’re interested. Grief and your brain & body :heart:

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I know the feeling. My mom told me to not get a booster for COVID and that was it. Tell me to play Russian Roulette with my life and you’re gone.

I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope she’ll come around one day and give you a better explanation than the one she did. She may be struggling with depression, or having a major mid-life crisis. It’s possible that there is something going on inside her head that has nothing to do with you, and she’s trying to push you away rather than deal with it.

My parents divorced when I was a senior in high school and for the next few years my relationship with my mom (I lived with my dad the last year, my mom lived in another state) was not bad per se, but she would sometime lash out a bit. Several years later she apologized. It did actually mean something to me for her to realize and acknowledge she’d been hurtful, and I hope your mom offers you the same small comfort at some point.

I strongly second the folks who suggest getting counseling if you can. It’s wonderful that you and your dad are supporting each other, but you both probably need more support than any one person can give.

And of course you can always come here to your fellow Misties for virtual hugs and online support.

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Thank you for your kind words. She’s always suffered from depression and undiagnosed bipolar disorder. This isn’t the first time she’s done something like this, but this time it just might be permanent.

All I can do is offer my condolences, it’s basically how my dad acted for about 10 years of my life. My advice is just try to keep your chin up and don’t blame yourself, but remember it’s okay to feel sad and to miss her and be hurt, but no matter how bad it is you’re still alive and not all is lost even if it feels that way at times.

You still have your father, and MST3K and you’re living in a world full of entertainment… I know it may not seem like much but times like those I find it’s important to try and be thankful for what I still might have and tv/movies/games/books always seems to have ways of pulling your head out of the situation if you need and taking you away from your problems at least for a while. Time may not fully heal all wounds, but it does get better with time. Trust her when she’s says it’s not you or your father, life is hard and the human mind is more complex and delicate then we sometimes give credit.

Hope my words help on some level, if not now then at least eventually even just a little.

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Thank you for your kind words

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Woof. I am so sorry to hear. My grandmother had severe bipolar I disorder, undiagnosed until she was 71, never treated because she refused. She dropped in and out of our lives unpredictably, and my aunt spent the better part of two decades trying to keep tabs on her.

The best advice I can give is 1) keep reminding yourself that it’s not you or your dad’s fault. 2) if you decide to try keeping her in your life and/or getting her help, there are resources available; a quick search of “(your area) mental health resources” can yield a starting point. 3) and, if you decide to indeed “let her go” as she has implied…that’s okay. She doesn’t seem to be a danger to herself or others, and you can’t force someone to “get better” or do something they refuse to do. That is also NOT your fault.

I hate this is happening to you and your dad. But I am glad you have each other; my dad was my first best friend and there’s nothing like it. My very best to you both!

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Thank you for your kind words. I worry she is a danger to herself because she is also an alcoholic yet denies she is. When she’s home with us she doesn’t drink and seems to act kind and think clearly, when she’s alone or away from us and her attitude becomes unpredictable and hateful that’s when we know she’s drinking. My dad has always been my best friend and always will be.

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