Pitch your H. G. Wells Totally Accurate adaptation here!

Now that we’ve had two super accurate versions of H. G. Wells stories on MST3K (The Shape of Things to Come and Village of the Giants), it’s time to pitch our own ideas.

I’ve got an idea for an 80’s movie based on The Time Machine, where a gang of sexy teens find a pocket watch owned by an Old West outlaw and go on a quest to find his lost treasure while persued by gangsters. It’s totally not a Goonies knockoff.

Depending on how successful other H. G. Wells movies are, I might re-release Werewolf with the new title The First Men in the Moon, adding a text crawl to the opening credits saying the werewolves came from there.

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Tono-Bungay but stylized to be more like Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. Hell, get Paul Reubens involved for a full treatment.

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When The Sleeper Wakes as a Porkies-style sex “comedy”. College freshman Derf Nutlow falls into a coma when a stray football strikes him, only to awaken and discover that he can see through womens’ clothing! Has lackluster straight-to-VHS release but enjoys heavy rotation on USA Network’s Up All Night.

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As a sidebar, can I say that it’s pretty sad when Riding With Death is a more faithful H. G. Wells adaptation than The Shape Of Things To Come?

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H. G. Wells’s The Island of Doctor Moreau

An enigmatic yet pleasant host provides picturesque island resort vacations that fulfill guests’ various fantasies and wishes.

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Also, if we’re doing repackaging, then I’m taking the original Japanese series of Iron Chef, adding Robot Chicken-style voices (Alan Tudyk is Chairman Kaga), and calling it H. G. Wells’ The Food Of The Gods. Already greenlit for three seasons on Adult Swim.

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Watch the Martian Tripods take the lead in the 6th inning in The War of the Worlds Series.

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If the guests arrive via Da Plane, I will fund this project

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(32) 7 p.m. “H.G. Wells’ The First Men in the Moon” (1979) — An eccentric scientist (Tony Randall) and a rugged adventurer (Lee Majors) discover a lost civilization of beautiful women living deep in the caverns of the moon who need their help against savage insect monsters. (CC) (Stereo)

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Sigh.

H.G. Wells did some great stuff but 99.999999% of the ‘adaptations’ of his work are absolute dumpster fire pieces of garbage. What I want are faithful, period piece adaptations of his work in the proper setting, using his words, and devoid of the crappy interpretations and other nonsense that gets vomited out with his name on it. Why can’t anyone just do what Wells WROTE rather than making up inferior material and pretending that it is HG Wells?

Give me the 100% faithful version of The Stolen Bacillus, Valley of the Blind, or Invisible Man please.

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That’s crazy talk! Why, you’re not an insane film producer at all, are you?

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Calling me an insane film producer is only half right…

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I think we need more anthology TV series that adapt a particular writer’s short stories into hour-long TV episodes, with changing casts… Twilight Zone style. H.G. Wells could be one author. Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, H.P. Lovecraft… each one could get a series.

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If we’re doing short stories, I would love to see an accurate rendition of The Remarkable Case of Davidson’s Eyes.

Although I would most love to see an adaptation of The War in the Air… a war with America and Britain on one side and Germany and Japan on the other, but with dirigibles and ornithopters! Samurais sitting on the top of ornithopters with their swords in their laps! Why has this not been made into a movie?!

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Incidentally, there was a film made of The Door in the Wall, but it was made for a special sort of screen which changed shape mechanically, so it would not be viewable on other screens. I’d love to be able to see it.

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There is one!

It’s conceit is that all these stories actually happened to Wells or he witnessed them, but it’s set in the period and probably as faithful as TV could get.

ETA: Well, the link description is trash, but it’s to ‘The Infinite Worlds of H. G. Wells’

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In the Days of the Comet (1985)
Sylvester Stallone stars as a hotshot space pilot, who meets a plucky young reporter (Phoebe Cates) during a trip aboard a luxury space liner on its way to Jupiter. The vessel is struck by a comet just as Stallone and Cates are about to share a passionate kiss, and they are separated in the resulting chaos. Stallone has to fight his way back to Cates as the ship explodes around them. In the epic climax, Stallone lassos the comet and grabs Cates just as the last vestige of the ship crashes into Jupiter. The two lovebirds ride the comet back to Earth, making out the entire way.

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@TheHippy already covered Ray Bradbury Theater, but if Roald Dahl is more your thing, there’s this.

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I enjoyed this 10-episode series based on Philip K Dick short stories perhaps more than any other author anthology series. Produced by Channel 4 and available on Amazon Prime US.

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