I know the obvious answer here is “Nothing, they’re just there for decoration” but that’s boring, so please give me your wild and wacky theories…
(who knows, this might someday actually be addressed)
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He fell in love with a blender, which also had prominent buttons.
This leads me to believe that their primary purpose is [redacted for the sake of keeping the boards mostly ready for prime time.]
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They look more like ports than buttons to me. Unused since Tom kicked his PS/2 addiction.
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You have to buy him dinner first to get the real answer.
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The same thing Darth Vader’s do.
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My theory?
Flight controls, of course!
“Nipple nipple tweak tweak fly fly fly”
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They regulate his sarcasm but unfortunately his arms can’t reach to change the level, not that I think he would want to.
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They automatically dial the best and closest pizza delivery place wherever you are whether it’s for for movie sign on the Satellite of Love, the dark side of the moon, or even movie night in your own home.
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Hover skirt intake.
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They’re actually pipes. It’s so you can play him like the beer bottles.
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He’s the switchboard operator on the SoL. The cords to connect calls are wrapped around inside his hoverskirt.
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@NatalieShark OMG! So that was what Mike was trying to do during the “What Is Roughhousing?” sketch!! 
@wyswysia
Decorate-- WITH PHONES!! 
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One of the buttons turns his globe into a plasma ball…. There’s also a switch that dispenses gumballs
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One of them dispenses rich creamery cheese.
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That makes sense, Joel was tinkering with it, I think it was in Spaceship to venus?
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They allow for additional control while Joel attempts to POP HIM, POP HIM, POP POP POP
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This clip explains a bit about electonic life forms’ nipple function.
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/presses button/
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They’re like the portholes on a Buick, signifying the number of cylinders powering the mighty Htom Servo
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They generate the illusion of Hypnotoad. Tom Servo, in fact, controls the world through hypnosis. He got the idea from Double 007.
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