Taking MST3K Movie Titles a Bit Too Literally

Soultaker is about a kid desperately trying to prove that they are indeed worthy of joining the chitterlings and collard greens dine and dash gang.

Future War is about a scientist who built a machine that stops time.

Track of the Moon Beast is about a racing circuit that culminates in a venue with a strange owner.

Hamlet is about the effort to add a new rule to the game of tennis.

The Bat People is about the kids at major league baseball games who risk their lives every day to retrieve sporting equipment from the field of play. It starts out action packed, but devolves into mumble core. You think you’re getting Bull Durham, but you end up with Slackers. Two thumbs down.

Squirm is about the itching powder epidemic that started the Shaker religion.

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Devil Doll is about a small red demon plushie causing trouble poking people.
Ring of Terror is a single ring that makes you see things that others don’t, like monsters.

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Kitten with a Whip is about a lone feline whip-carrying ranger.
… that’s it.

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The Shape of Things to Come would probably be genitalia shaped.

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… excuse me for a moment.

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Last of the Wild Horses would’ve been about a last group of wild horses (zebra, kiang, onager, and a donkey) left on Earth trying to survive since the poachers took over, and drove the rest of the horse species from extinction.

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Starcrash would be very interesting for astronomers.

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Santa Claus Vs. The Martians.

The year is 202X. The Aliens arrived without notice and without remorse. In days all of humanities greatest metropoles and military bases were devastated and in ruins.

Biological Viruses and Weapons: Our atmosphere sadly was not toxic to them.
Technologic Viruses and Weapons: Incompatible and ineffective.
Slim Whitman records: Did not have the explosive effect we hoped for.

Our last hope sits in a specialized and experimental NATO munitions’ facility hidden in the Arctic Circle. It’s codename: The Workshop.
The man in charge, Canadian Forces Brigadier Christopher Cringlan. his Codename:
SANTA CLAUS.

This Christmas, we need HO HO HOPE.

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Like this?

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Pod People - The movie adaptation of long-running reality show, Storage Wars.

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Honestly, though, an overly-literal Ring of Terror would involve someone calling in a bomb threat.

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You know for a movie called Robot Wars there were Mechsuits, but a distinct lack of robots. Was Sparks in the wrong episode of this season?

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Code Name: Diamond Head: That’s the codename given to Rubert: named after a Ruby gemstone, as he was born with an actual jewellery for a head.

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Hobgoblins is about monsters working as short order cooks.

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Or maybe a guy showing up to a job interview or formal occasion suddenly realizing he had ring-around-the-collar?

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That’s the Tide To Go cut.

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Bloodlust! sounds like a dirty vampire flick.

What?

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Space Travelers: 'AIGHT, GANG! Pack your bags! We’re going to the Milky Way!

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Dr. Z teaches women about going into swimming pools during their time of the month!

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Devil Doll is a stunning documentary covering the trauma and injuries sustained in the riots that broke out in November 1983 by parents trying to buy Cabbage Patch Dolls.

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