In The Final Sacrifice, Satoris tries to take over the world by sacrificing a wienie teenage runaway. How would YOU take over the world? Let’s get creative Msties!
A fleet of airships that carry giant robots.
Cause me any guff and wham! You get a giant robot to the face
I’d use RADAR!
I’d genetically engineer some kind of giant, uncontrollable monster and let it loose into the wilderness. Meanwhile, I’d create a zombie serum and infect my entire staff for some reason, while at the same time leading a ritual to unleash forgotten horrors from beyond the ken of man. And I’m sure nothing will go wrong with the unstoppable killer alien I’ve got locked up in the basement. Oh, and I’d turn into a furry fish monster.
I’m sure that once all of those projects have spiralled out of control, the world will be mine!
I’d buy several newspapers in Australia and use them to push my own brand of politics while also re-enforcing and controlling relationships with right-wing politicians.
I’d parlay that into repeating the same trick in several other countries, particularly former world powers who still think they matter where I can cozy-up to disaster capitalists and trade them legitimacy for money and power.
Once my hold over those people extends to the political realm (i can speed this up by getting the disaster capitalists to become politicians) I can push for deregulation of the press so that i can act in more and more extreme ways, employing and engaging the far-FAR-right to act as footsoldiers.
Eventually I will start my own “news” network, which will legally be an “entertainment” network to bypass even more oversight, in the US and then use everything I’ve learned to reduce political discourse to repeated snarl-words to enrage the credulous and gain even more power and control.
If there is any push back, I can easily weaponize incompetence and blame the people that work for me or just say someone I don’t like did it, and I’ll just keep repeating the same tricks, often aiming them at different targets, until the opinions of the world are controlled by Centimillionaires who will stare at a camera like a confused sack of potatoes until it’s their turn to start shouting irrelevant nonsense again.
This of course is all theoretical.
Whoa, now, that might be just a little too evil.
Yeah, it’s a bit much innit?
I felt dirty coming up with the theoretical thing that totally already happened couldn’t happen in our insane totally normal world.
I would turn all the world’s oceans to ice. And somehow that would make me rule the world.
I would make a bookstore that sold cheap toilet paper online and delivered for free and dominate the competition until I had enough money to make very phallic rockets to launch my nuclear death satellite and hold the world hostage until they stopped making fun of my weirdly egg-shaped head.
Huh? Sorry, I fell asleep and missed whatever you were doing. Something about a dam?
I’d start with forcing a guy to watch movies while I monitor his mind.
I find that taking over the world is really just a matter of perspective. In fact, I have taken over many worlds, one just needs to properly define the world. To an ant, their colony is the world. Order an ant colony through the mail, and viola, you have now taken over the world for dozens or more ants.
Just be creative, kids!
Fruit flies in a jar with some decaying fruit, that’s the world to those fruit flies. Mom and Dad will be mightily impressed by your ability to control their destiny when you finally release the captive swarm of flies. Then you can guide them to conquer new worlds, like the kitchen!
(Sorry. I don’t DO creative this early in the morning. Now get me some coffee, and bring in your steno pad.)
I already control the world. Everyone else just doesn’t realize it.
Oh crap, I said that out loud didn’t I?
Hmm… Maybe I will start smaller, like just the Tri-State Area.
Soon, the Quad Cities will be mine! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
And after that… the Metro area!
The Battle of Bettendorf rages on.