The One Ring

Sometime in the past week I scrolled past a Facebook post about how Bugs Bunny is either a great or not-so-great choice for carrying Tolkien’s One Ring to Mount Doom, and it got me thinking: Which character from a MSTed movie is the ideal Ring Bearer? Who could fill Frodo’s shoes (if he ever wore shoes)?

After much thought, my pick goes to Paul from Cry Wilderness. He has experience with mystical objects and magical beings, can spot the difference between gruff but sympathetic authority figures and actual villains, and seems to have no problems whatsoever traversing mile after mile of harsh terrain on foot. That kid would skip obliviously right into Mordor and laugh about it later.

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I nominate Johnny because he can manipulate objects at will and noone dares to stop him.

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Step 1: Tony from The Pumaman opens a portal to Mount Doom.

Step 2: Tony accidentally flies into the lava with the ring.

Step 3: DANCE PARTY IN THE SHIRE, BAYBAY

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Able to keep secrets? Check.
Experience transporting dangerous goods? Check.
Can resist the temptation to turn himself invisible unless absolutely necessary? Check.

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Also, the ring has no power over Johnny, because Johnny doesn’t care.

Just don’t give it to Simon from Wizards of the Lost Kingdom, because he’ll lose it within five seconds.

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“… I somehow swallowed the ring.” - Troy McGreggor from The Final Sacrifice

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I was wondering how long it would take for Simon to enter the thread as the most obvious wrong choice.

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I like this direction for the thread as well.

In which case, Depresso-Dad from High School Big Shot would end up pawning the ring for $3.75 to impress a date.

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They’ve only got seven days, so whomever is the fastest character, I suppose.

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Well, that disqualifies Mrs. March from The Atomic Brain.

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Truly no idea what any of the characters are called but if there’s anybody whose word I would take on this sort of thing, it’s @optiMSTie.

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zoolanderwontletyoudown

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I admire this reckless promise.

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There’s only one answer to this.

image

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I choose the kids from The Christmas Dragon because they’d only have to travel 30 feet.

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I’d get angry War of the Colossal Beast Glenn Manning to injest it, walk the fifty paces to Mt. Doom and then throw himself in.

Too dark? Fine.

I’d give it to Tee from Quest of the Delta Knights. He’s good with maps, after all, and isn’t swayed by riches or power like that fool da Vinci.

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Gus would be the best choice. You are Gus.

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I’m Cherokee Jack!

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I’d trust Munchie for this one task.

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I hate to agree, but I do.

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