The Worst Christmas Song

Impressed that she resisted the urge to put on a holiday sweater. Speaking of which, this is probably the ultimate torture for 99% of humanity but I love it anyway:

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it’s an absolute classic and i don’t care who knows it
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The five objectively worst Christmas songs, from 5 to 1:

• Santa Baby - Any version. All versions.

• Christmas wrapping - the waitresses

• Jingle Bells - Barbara Streisand (the one where she just rushes through the song without breathing or adjusting the rhythm)

• The Christmas Shoes - whatever Christian country schmaltz band created it.

• Dominick the Donkey - Lou Monte, the laziest of all novelty Christmas songs.

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Santa Baby is absolutely like a trip to the dentist without Novocaine. But I hate mentioning that because the rest of the time, I really do love Eartha Kitt.

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Glad someone brought up the donkey. I once wrote a letter to the local radio station begging them not to play it anymore. To their credit, they listened.

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i never knew how awful ‘wonderful christmastime’ was until i listened to dan harmon’s ranting. he also does a great one on santa clause 2.

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This is one of my favorite awful Christmas songs:

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Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. With it’s message that it’s ok to discriminate against someone who is different, and then use them when the difference is useful to the majority.

And of course the seriously creepy Baby it’s Cold Outside.

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In all fairness, that’s opposite of the intended message of Rudolph. The point is supposed to be it is wrong to bully those who are different and that their very uniqueness allows them to contribute in ways that others can’t. The reindeer in the song stand in the place of children, who can be very cruel, with Santa as the parent who shows them they are wrong.

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theofficethankyou

I mean, let’s not get this twisted: “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” is a ripe slice of holiday hell, but “Dominick the Donkey” is impossibly terrible.

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Gramma at least is situated squarely in the holidays. Dominick is like “here’s a freaking donkey. We’re not entirely sure why he is christmassy or even specifically Italian, but we’re gonna shoehorn him in!”

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Precisely that. The Dominick stuff all feels so forced, you know?

(riffing voice: “Aren’t these novelty songs phony?”)

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