…AND he shot J.R., AND he ate all the Frusen-Gladje!! 
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Imagine Sam Casey NOT being mellow in Riding with Death. He’s high strung and impatient with Turkeys like Bob Denby and he tells Buffalo his singing sucks!
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That may be the darkest timeline for Sam Casey, but honestly? I love it!
That’s a man whose mood ring would always be one color: FURIOUS
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He HATES New England journalists! 
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He would insist on calling Cupcake by her given name!
(Her given name ISN’T Cupcake, right?)
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He would call her Banana foldover just to piss her off!
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Is it cheating to go with Mitchell?
He is so heroic that Joel has to remind us at one point that he is actually the hero of the film, with “Our hero, ladies and gentlemen”. He frequents prostitutes both before and after arresting them for drug possession, proving in multiple ways that he is quite corrupt. And, of course, he murders Martin Balsam in cold blood on his boat at sea in international waters, which is out of his jurisdiction and that technically makes him a pirate.
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Krankor did promise us “peace and prosperity” if we accepted him as our ruler. Perhaps he really meant it and wanted to make the Earth a better place?
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I feel like “Eddie Nelson” was kind of the “Evil Mike” of the show, and I loved him. It probably speaks to my character that I’d want him back to terrify the bots for a few more episodes
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…there’s something legendary about standing up in the middle of a film, walking to a corner, and lighting up a cigarette for a break from the film… even IF they owned the empty theater. I laugh every time.
Edit: Having re-read the post a tad closer, honestly WHAT IF Gamera wasnt the friend to all children everywhere?
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Stand back, everyone. -cracks knuckles-
“MORE SPRINGS! Ah-hee-hee-heeee!”
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Well, I’m not sure if this works because… is he really a hero? But here you go:
The hypnotist in Invasion Usa. He’s not hypnotizing them to be great patriots in the midst of the Cold War. He’s actually a commie in disguise and he’s hypnotized them into subverting the American preparations for war! …and he doesn’t even know who won the World Series! (I mean, I don’t either, but I don’t follow baseball past or present.)
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Batwoman is actually gathering all those ladies to be her secret underground military to have the world under her control. Rat Fink wants the atomic hearing aid so he can try to circumvent her operations.
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Sticking with Bogart, how about Treasure of the Sierra Madre?
IIRC it’s Tina.
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While The Treasure of the Sierra Madre is as far away from a bad movie as possible, I love the idea of Evil Fingal going with a movie featuring a more malevolent Bogart character. Solid choice!
Ahhh, okay. Thanks for the clarification!
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The creatures from Horror of Party Beach kind of already are heroes. I mean, they were just trying to stop those darn kids from Zombie Stomping all over the place!
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And if you think about it, elaborately choreographed gang beach fights went way down since the creatures took action!
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But the sodium cartel exploded.
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Both Beatnik Moon and that tobacco-addled doofus from Teenage Crime Wave are always leaping around like West Side Story chorus rejects. I guess we could recast them as heroes. Maybe they fight crime because they needed a hobby after a pulled hamstring or botched ingrown toenail surgery ended their dance careers or something.
Dancin’ Moon would be fighting the evil agent and his evil secretary to save the singer from being drawn under by a massive payola scandal, doubtless fueled by a ready supply of freshly-laundered cocaine.
Jumpy Nick O. Teen would hold the farmhouse hostage as part of an animal rights stunt to prevent the whole county from selling out to an evil out-of-state corporation of factory farms. (Hey, smokes are vegan. It’s all good.)
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We’ll just have to agree to disagree on that point. For a more objectively terrible movie starring Bogart, how about Swing Your Lady?
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