So, I just watched the 1986 version of Little Shop Of Horrors. For those not in the know, in 1960, our old friend Roger Corman released a film about a carnivorous plant from outer space. Years later, Howard Ashman and Alan Menken (yes, the guys who did The Little Mermaid and Beauty & The Beast), decided to make a Broadway musical out of it, and then a few years later, said musical was made into a movie by Frank Oz.
Now, that got my brain thinking- what movies featured on MST3K could be saved by jazz hands and kicky, upbeat musical numbers? (And of course we’re going to ignore the films that already have several musical numbers; is I Accuse My Parents a musical?!?).
I nominate… CAVE DWELLERS. Instead of a montage quickly and hilariously summing up the events of Ator: The Fighting Eagle, we could have a fun ballad sung by the old scientist (?) guy. And yes, there would absolutely be a song for the hang glider scene.
The Incredible Melting Man!
You could have songs about:
-Steve’s transformation from astronaut to man of melting
-Dr. Ted Nelson being Dr. Ted Nelson
-the lamentations over no crackers
-the elderly lemon thieves
-Mrs. Dr. Ted Nelson freaking out over the cat
-the general taking the turkey legs
-the hick couple with the crappy house
-the climactic shenanigans at the power plant
-the closing trials and tribulations of the janitor
And so on and so forth.
I remember there was a ridiculous musical on YouTube several years ago about a doomed love triangle between Batman, Alfred, and The Joker. I thought it was a hoot, and I don’t even like any version of post-Adam-West “Serious” Batman.
It could be called There’s A Bat In My Soup .
Of course, our buxom masked heroine would lead her kicky chorus of dancing ladies out to fight crime, in between running their lucrative MLM business of selling magical shakes which would give us average women super powers and great dance moves, too. She’d be in love with the Ajax dude, unknowing somehow of his double life as super-villain despite her formidable intellect. He’d make his move on her prized employees, luring them away with hypnotic soup and threatening her dominance of the ready-made superfood market. Hunky shirtless mole guys would dance them away in a fierce battle. But ultimately, she’d revive her warrior spirit, find new allies, free her girls, and rediscover the joys of single life. There’d be a victory party by the pool to much applause (or at least shouts of, “ENNNND!”).
I promise that once I get enough cocaine in me, this will all make perfect sense.
Beast of Yucca Flats (on Broadway)
Omega Man! Charleton Heston laments his lonely life with the cloak clad chorus of the Mathias dancers in the background-right before he zaps them!
Pod People. It’s practically a musical already!
It starts off with a montage of Public Domain Karaoke,
Then we’d move into full extended cut of “Idiot Control Now!” with choreography and lights.
A 20 minute instrumental version of “Parked by the Data Stream”.
Then a Wall of Keyboards comes out and we get to sample some complementary sedatives used by tonight’s artists “Music by Some Guys in Space”.
Next, a Giant “Simon” comes down and we get a digital rendition of “In Cars”, while Trumpie does stupid things.
And finally the heartwrenching Grand Finale, “Will There Still Clown in the Sky for…Me?” won’t leave a dry eye in the house.
Eegah - you have some songs at the ready, already and riffs you can incorporate (The Doggone Girl is Mine)
And we can adapt others, the “Watch Out, Thomas” theme song can be used. I mean, Arch Hall Jrs name in the movie is Tom, so there you go…
Watch out, Thomas, there’s trouble 'round the bend
Watch out, Thomas, there may be snakes ahead
Watch out Thomas, or they’ll bite you on your end
'cause your Thomas
And then there’s the heartwarming ballad that opens with Roxy saying, “Daddy, there’s a boy outside…” and then Mr. Miller breaks into song, “The Caveman in my Little Girls Life”
I Accuse My Parents. They already had the three time Oscar winning songster duo of Jay Livingston and Ray Evans on board. And West Side Story has shown us that singing and dancing gangsters is a winning formula.
I like it!
And Steve could do the number in rollerskates to keep things in the feel and flavor in which the chase scene was shot!
It’ll be like Xanadu! Except, you know, with a melting man who’s allegedly incredible.
This is a true story for at least one MST3K film. On recently watching the season eight episode featuring The Giant Spider Invasion (1975), I looked up some info on the film… only to discover that it had been made into a musical in 2012!
Original director Bill Rebane was behind the project, which celebrates the cheesiness of the film. Songs include “Every Monster Movie Needs a Low Life,” “Script? What Script?,” “Size Matters,” and “What’ll We Do with All These Diamonds?" You can find the entire album on YouTube.
Any of the three Coleman Francis epics for me, though my favourite would probably be The Beast of Yucca Flats for the Flag on the Moon Song, the Tor Johnson Hunting sequence and the iconic Woman Waits for Husband interlude.
For a non-MST movie, I’ve longed for a live action Planet of the Apes musical ever since first seeing The Simpsons episode A Fish Called Selma.
Hmmm… if only there were some way to incorporate ALL THREE Coleman Francis films into one musical, with the characters and storylines intersecting at various points!
Is there any performer today who can match John Carradine’s rousing rendition of “Night Train To Mundo Fine”?
I can see The Warriors being made into a grittier West Side Story kind of musical.
Will there be a special curtain down through the whole thing, so everything looks black and white to the live audience?
Girl In Lovers Lane, Tormented, and High School Big Shot are all so grim that what they’d really need on the stage is Verdi.
Monster A Go-Go, with a big, splashy number at the end called “There Was No Monster.”
Racket Girls, no doubt! It is raw, unfiltered potential.
Featuring such standards as:
“Peaches and Dreams”
“Scalli is my Folly”
“It’s the Joe Show”
“Rita can’t be Beat-a”
And many more!
“The Complete Works of Coleman Francis (Abridged)” If this Shakespeare guy is good enough to get a show mashing up all of his stuff, surely Coleman Francis is, too!
Plus Merlin’s haunting soliloquy: “I am too a good butler” John Saxon’s Hot and Juicy exposition: “Fresh Panties All Around” the hilarious duet “Mitchel and the Kid” and the thrilling finale: “3M and the Future!”