Worst movie you saw in the theater

I love watching movies - even bad movies - so I’ve seen my fair share of stinkers, but Mission Impossible 2 stands out in my mind as particularly awful. It’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life, but it’s the worst movie I remember seeing in the theater.

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The Million Dollar Hotel. Thought it would be decent since U2 was involved. No.

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So many terrible films. And for so many different reasons.

I remember going to see Hilary and Jackie (1998) because Emily Watson had won an Oscar for it, and the clip from the show had a little segment which looked kind of cute and funny. In context, it’s horrifying, and the whole movie is kind of horrifying.

Comin’ At Ya from 1981, which heralded the '80s 3D “craze”. It is literally a giant excuse to throw things at the screen for an hour and infinity minutes.

One of those ideas you have in college where you go, “Let’s all go see this, it’ll be hilarious.” And “this” was a showing of “Hard Candy” (1976?), a 3D adult film with John Holmes, and then you wish you were anywhere else.

The Road, a Filipino horror movie from 2011. Incomprehensible.

South32, an erotic thriller from 2016. They just didn’t care.

OMG, Serena…the 2014 Bradley Cooper/Jennifer Lawrence vehicle That Dares Not Speak Its Name! This is one for fans of dumpster fires, trainwrecks and 40-car pile-ups.

I could go on…and on…and on…

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Ghost Dad (1990) or Jack (1996). I may have seen worse, but those two are the first that come to mind, and that’s not a good sign.

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There are a few contenders for me

BORAT
The Last Jedi
Executive Decision
Mortal Kombat II

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Bewitched. I walked out (of a pub/theater, so I actually could have just kept drinking) a few minutes after Steve Carell showed up as Uncle Arthur and started doing very un-Uncle Arthur-like things and not being funny at all. I never did figure out what Nora Ephron was trying to accomplish with this movie. I rented the DVD once so that I could listen to her apology on the commentary track, but strangely, she never apologized for the movie.

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The Heist (2001). Gene Hackman, Delroy Lindo, Danny Devito, Sam Rockwell. What could go wrong? The only thing more convoluted than the dialogue was the plot, one of those “I knew you were going to double cross me so I double crossed you because I knew that you knew that I would double cross you so by you double crossing me JUST MAKE IT STOP. I’ve never walked out of a movie, but I almost did for this one.

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No contest — Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983). In headache inducing, perpendicularly polarized 3D, no less.

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Although I didn’t see it, my mom and my younger sister went to see the movie Cats, and by the time they came back from the theater, they said it was HORRIBLE. Well
I’m glad I didn’t see it, otherwise I would be horrified by those CGI human cats!

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Batman and Robin. [Shudder]

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Movie 43. The whole thing is an anthology of half-assed, unfunny humor from otherwise talented people. Its short running time is not only an insult for the price of a ticket, but far too long for the torture you endure from watching it.

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Casanova with Heath Ledger. Only movie I’ve walked out of in the theater. I don’t even remember why it bothered me so much because i try not to think of it… ever.

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Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. The only part I enjoyed was the scene where he’s getting attacked by the bird while the pianist continues to play his mood music and refuses to help in any way at all.

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On an unusually hot summer day in 2000, a friend and I used free passes to get into the air conditioning at the only not-sold out show of the afternoon:

Battlefield Earth.

As far as bad experiences? Mission Impossible 2 and The Black Knight both had packed houses and you could FEEL the crowd’s dislike (but no one was gonna be wasteful of that money they spent on a ticket, no sir.)

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From the director of “Comin’ At Ya!” (1981), no less. See, I’d learned my lesson by that point and skipped this one.

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Quite a few, but Return of the Jedi has to count because I have literally never watched another movie in the series since. A lot of people say “Star Wars is for kids and Star Trek is for adults”, and this film cemented the truth of that for me.

Starship Invasions was lousy too. Poor Christopher Lee looks like a bishop in a game of Seahorse Chess.

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Yes, this one was a stinker for sure.

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I saw the Boss Baby at a screening for Dreamworks employees. Worst decision I ever made.

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Okay I knew there was one I missed. I saw this as a kid in theaters and I would have walked out had I not been taken there by my parents and my younger sister was digging it so much.

Even as a kid I couldn’t overlook the atrocity that is nips on the batsuit.

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Midnight preview the day it came out. I had really enjoyed the campiness that was Batman Forever, so I was excited about this one. Little did I know…

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