Worst Song Ever

You can choose a legendary one, such as Macarthur Park, or you can go the unpredictable route and introduce us to some absolute travesty we never heard of.

Myself, I have a ranking of

  • California Gurls by Katy Perry (1st Worst Place) followed closely by

  • True by Spandau Ballet (for the “Thrill in my head/Pill on my tongue” line, not to mention the blasted band name)

  • Killing Me Softly by Roberta Flack. It’s the magical combination of creepiness and tedium that places it here for me. Nothing against Ms. Flack, though. She’s a fine musician most of the time.

I once threatened to walk off a temp job if a co-worker persisted in playing C.G. three or more times on her phone every damn day. I was ready to do it, too.

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I couldn’t even name the cacophony my daughter listens to on YouTube, but if you heard it, you’d agree with me that it’s all the worst music ever.

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Is autotune involved? :frowning:

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What is today, the 2nd?

On even-numbered days it’s Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes, on odd-numbered days it’s Key Largo by Bertie Higgins, and on Leap Day it’s a mashup of the two.

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Oh no, it’s far worse than that. When I say cacophony, I mean it. It sounds like just a bunch of random noise put together by a robot with the vaguest of rhythm. Also a lot of it is pitch shifted up way high. I’ve asked her what she’s listening to before and she won’t tell me, so that doesn’t help. But my goodness does she listen to it loudly. And her bedroom is right next to ours so we’ve been awakened by it more than once.

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Worst Song Ever is a pretty high bar to clear. On the one hand, it’s impossibly subjective, but on the other hand, Cher’s “Believe,” which was oozing out of every pore of society about 20 years ago.

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Oh, yeah. Musical taste is completely subjective. @MichaelRobertson 's twin demons have always sort of passed right through my head and left nothing either good or bad. OTOH, “Break My Stride” would make a great 4th Place entry. Every time I hear it, I want to punch a wall. Also, don’t get me started on Little River Band’s “Lonesome Loser.” (5th Place) Just the key and pace of that thing is like being lowered head first into a fetid, sticky swamp in August.

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Blondie is a national treasure, but Rapture is the dumbest song ever written. I can’t listen to it. I don’t mind gibberish, but the great thing about gibberish is that you have endless options for rhymes and rhythms. To write gibberish that is still repetitive and unsurprising is unforgivable.

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This checks out. Anytime I knock on my daughter’s bedroom door, she cracks it open about an inch and greets me with a warm, “What do you need?”

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My daughter has started saying, “please go away” when we knock on her door. Puberty is a strange beast.

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Could not agree with you more on this. :+1:

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I’d have to trawl the collection to find the worst, but here are some of the ones that give me the George C. Scott “Turn it off!” reaction.

  1. Take It Easy - Eagles
  2. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
  3. Wildfire - Michael Martin Murphey

Some songs that might make the list I actually like. For instance, Shannon by Henry Gross. Even though that’s one of the few songs that literally makes me cry.

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I feel that way about Jack and Diane by John Mellencamp. I wouldn’t call it the worst song ever, but something about it makes me go, “UGH!” and turn the radio off if I hear it.

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Oh god, same. May they choke on those chili dogs.

The only Mellencamp song I’ve ever liked is “Rain On The Scarecrow”.

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I’ve posted this one on this forum elsewhere before, but The Carpenters cover of The Rainbow Connection should qualify. By all accounts it’s a cover that should work, but just doesn’t.

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Working for a used CD store back in the day, these are a few that I came across that I deemed so bad they were humorous:

Wesley Willis got some language going on in case you’re at work!

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It’s wild how tastes are so divergent. I quite like Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly,” but I can see how there’s a creepy quality to it, kinda like Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen.” I couldn’t agree more about “Sweet Home Alabama,” and “Free Bird” is hot on its tail for this badge.

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I actually like some of the songs listed but you guys have missed the ACTUAL Crimes Against Humanity!!!:

“Christmas Shoes” and this monstrosity…

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lol. I wondered if bad Holiday music should get its own thread.

I’m actually a huge fan of D.F., but I find “Auld Lang Syne” pretty meh compared to his other hits. (Oh, and High Country Snows, which probably didn’t earn a dime, is so much fun!)

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I have had a number of songwriter friends who worshipped Fogelberg, so I’ve had to nod politely a lot.

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