I would be Arlo Golem, and my chassis would resemble a lava lamp. Very laid back, but occasionally excitable, much like Tommy Chong but with a dash of Arlo Guthrie (obviously). Prone to extended and sometimes embarrassing stream of consciousness ramblings that I then try to pass off as a joke.
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Bot name : Chef
Personality: In theater, detail oriented, nit picks every out of place detail, points out every food that looks to be poorly made… etc. On bridge/in kitchen - Depends entirely on the food requested
Voice: same as the above
Chef would have an oddly familiar voice when in the theater, but after Joel, Jonah, or Emily requests a dish, a guest voice would take control of preparing and serving the food.
Imagine Mary Ann Esposito for Italian, Pati Jinch for Mexican, Kevin Belton for New Orleans/Creole food, Vivian Howard for some southern food… etc…
Annnnd now I’m hungry.
(Yes, I pretty much just listed the chefs w/ cooking shows I have recorded on my TabloTV Quad)
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I hope Uncle Roger is channeled when they all fail at the fried rice. (I’ve been meaning to add him to the Daily Laugh thread, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.)
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I’d be “Pin O Keyhole”. My head would be an upsidedown 2liter soda bottle, my eyes cassette tape boxes, and a vertical straw moving up and down would be the indicator of how I talk (I may have built this very thing a long while back…) As for my body that would be always changing as I’d be a bot to constant tinker on myself trying to improve it. I think my riffing style would have lots of animation and music jokes.
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High Anxiety In Space
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I’d be Timmy Chipset, similar to 50s tin robots, only six feet tall.
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I would be James Bondo, a secret agent bot with visibly poor quality body and paint repair. He would appear occasionally railing against his arch nemesis Earl Scheib and then go in search of a Steve Martini, stirred not shaken.
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“Do you want me to talk?” “No Mr. Bondo, I want you to hold up my bumper!”
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I’m thinking I’d go with my puppet character that I cobbled together-- Automo-Don. Ed Wynn voice, just ditzy as all get-out, but quite jovial. He’d want to join everyone in the theater, but sometimes ends up in the broom closet or something because he forgot where the theatre is.
Alternately, I think it’s time for a full-body costume 'bot. I especially love the olde timey 60s era robots, so I’d want that kind of aesthetic. Think Lost in Space Robot B-9 or Robbie the Robot. On the ship, it’d spout inaccurate imdb trivia and sorta sputter about. Perhaps it was intended to be a security 'bot or even a 'bot sent up by the Mads…
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R-T.
But if you say R.T.R.R. at me I’ll go haywire because that’s a lame joke.
Probably more like Gypsy cameos, or possibly one of those drones that drags props across the screen. Beep boop…
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I was just thinking that you, more than anyone else in the thread, would be destined to make your debut during the Turkey Day Marathon.
You can get dinner served up right
At Alice’s Satellite…
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YASSSSS!
What?..
Pod 6 was jerks.
You could have the strength of five go-rillas!
But…
WHY SO SHORT?!
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So, Dirty Hotdog @SandyFrank, after much deliberation, I must make sure to thank you again for this topic… I love things that promote creativity and the “think for yourself” mentality. So, Woot… I don’t think people still say it, but I’m bringing it back for this. Woot to you. Woot.
(As a preface: This got WAAAAY longer than the usual attention span can handle, so in order to avoid the TLDR responses, I will use another reply to tell about the bot I would like to create for MST3K, given the opportunity… instead, enjoy the rambling, fever-dream, way too much time spent upon, thoughts about a previous bot and it’s story devised in my mind about 10 years ago and it’s origin story, as well.)
In the past, my husband and I have laughed with abandon at the show, “That Mitchell and Webb Look.” It’s British sketch comedy, and it’s probably my favorite of all time sketch show. If you haven’t watched it, I HIGHLY recommend it… and if you HAVE watched it and think one is better please let me know (Also, welcome to my stream of consciousness, meandering, lady-speak style of life… ) Ahem… I digress.
That show has a simultaneously hilarious and heartwrenching sketch in which a robot, named “Cheeseoid” can ONLY (and poorly ) tell if something is either petrol or cheese “Cheesoid hate self…” Watch a condensed version of the sketch below if you feel that your valuable time is worth it.
The sketch is NOT even close to one of their funniest, BUT it did inspire me back in the day to think about the least useful robot that science could ever devise…
So here is an imagined infomercial for what came of that very useful train of thought:
“Are you tired of all those messes in your kitchen? Bathroom? Garage? Anywhere in your house really. I know I am. If you are, have we got the solution for you! ‘SPILLBOT.’ Spillbot is an advanced robot specifically designed to help you with all those messes you and your family make around the house. Spillbot can take care of ALL those messes for you in just a fraction of the time! Guaranteed!”
“Has this ever happened to you? You’re running late for work, the kids still need to be dropped off, and you haven’t even had your breakfast yet?” (*Cut to the kids eating cereal, while brother reaches for his OJ, he knocks sister’s milk all over the table. He looks at mom while she sighs, looks exasperated, and shakes her head.)
“Who has time for that? Not you, right?! Right!”
“Well, ho ho, NO MORE. No more spilling milk on the table at breakfast when you are running behind schedule. Our revolutionary Spillbot and patent-pending technology will take care of it for you. Spillbot can even make sure spills are made BEFORE you get ANY of that pesky milk into the glass or cereal bowl.” (*Pan from mom cleaning something in the kitchen to Spillbot dumping out the carton of milk over the dining room table. As it drips onto the floor, we see the carton bounce off the ground, quickly followed by the cereal bowl full of dry cereal, then a spoon.)
“Spillbot’s revolutionary technology is so advanced that he can also take care of brother’s orange juice before you’ve even had a chance to notice his unmatched milk-spilling capabilities…” (*While the cat is lapping up the milk that is dripping off the table and onto the floor, Spillbot takes brother’s OJ out of his hands, mid-swig. Brother’s hand stays fixed where it was while he was drinking, and his eyes slowly blink as his eyes remain focused where his cup was only seconds earlier. Brother’s sweatshirt and hair is flecked with pieces of frosted flakes. Spillbot’s claw-like hand grips the juice glass firmly as he slowly rotates his claw hand and metal arm and the juice slowly pours out onto the floor in a steady stream… the last drops of juice pour out of the glass as Spillbot’s strong, capable, gripping hand opens up to let the glass drop too as we hear the cat yowl and some glass shatter. Mom comes into the room and smiles while the kids are picking cereal out of their hair and laughing.) “Thanks Spillbot, you’re such a time saver!” Mom says.
“Tired of dripping eggs across your counter? Spillbot can make a much bigger mess in only a quarter of the time!” (*Cut to Spillbot picking up the entire carton of eggs. His arm extends up a few feet above the counter and rotates to let all the eggs fall onto the counter and while most of the eggs shatter, a few roll along the counter and explode all over the floor.)
“Pasta sauce messes can be such a pain. Don’t worry about that. Spillbot has you covered!” (*Pan to Spillbot covering every inch of the stove top fully as he is emptys the entire pot of sauce.)
“Kids LOVE it!” (*Cut to those cute, little punks giggling like crazy and pointing at Spillbot as he emtpies the pasta pot, water and all, onto the floor, as sauce drips off the stovetop and the dog runs out of the room yelping.)
“Parents’ say it saves countless of hours of mess making! WHAT A TIME SAVER!”
Mom’s Testimonial: “Before Spillbot, my kids would spend HOURS making messes. Now, they never spill a thing and they are just SO HAPPY. It’s saved us so much time. Nothing has changed our lives quite like Spillbot”
“Thanks Spillbot! You’re the best!” (*Zoom out to show mom standing in her dirty dining room, with laundry, magazines, and books all over the floor, the kitchen mess in the background, the dog with it’s paws on the table lapping up the milk and cereal and the cat skirting past Spillbot and running up the stairs screeching as the announcer says: )
“BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! Spillbot can even take care of the Kitty Litter… Ho ho, Oh Spillbot, what CAN’T you spill?!”
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I would probably be something like The Toaster from Red Dwarf… Except I can only speak in movie quotes.
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Well, maybe I could come to appreciate technology that doesn’t even pretend it’s making our lives better.
So long as it’s at someone else’s house, at least.
(I don’t have Ring or Siri or any of that other stuff at home, either.)
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I’d Be Sue Flay.
I’m made out of frying pans and cooking utensils.
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All right. I just watched this restoration of a 19th Century candy-maker and now I have a new choice of source materials for my alter-ego. All previous ideas are being returned to the archives.
(You could certainly copy the larger parts in fiberglass or aluminum or something to make them less tough on the puppeteer’s fragile non-metal body. It’s the visual aesthetic I’m after here, not the centuries-spanning durability.)
[ETA- There’s a PoMo gender-defying subplot in which she shoots these candies into Servo’s head and then they have to get married.]
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