I can report that Hypno Helio Static Stasis is real – I’ve never seen the middle of this movie.
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“Last Clear Chance” has one of MST3K’s most risqué jokes, in my opinion.
After the older brother’s car is hit by the train, two men are loading his badly injured fiancée into an ambulance. Tom Servo riffs “Gee, lady, sorry about your boyfriend. So, ya wanna have a drink? Maybe at the bar car over there! … I suppose a train joke is inappropriate. Sorry about that.”
There’s plausible deniability, but if it means what I think it means, then whew.
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You know, if you make Radar Secret Service 3x longer, chop up the editing, and replace Sid Melton with Matt Damon, you’ve basically got Oppenheimer.
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I love the story Frank told in the episode guide about how they were going to do this earlier, but the rights holders wanted a ridiculous amount of money, and then came back later with a much more reasonable offer.
“Hello, networks. We understand you have something called Sweeps coming up. Allow us to present a little thing we call Radar Secret Service. The bidding will begin at $5 million dollars.”
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“I’m duller!”
“No, I’m duller!”
“Well, name my character!”
“…Nng! All right, well am I a good guy or a bad guy?”
Will never not leave me on the floor. 
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“Hey, I thought that girl was that girl!”
Brilliant casting choices all round.
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It may be the most “who are you people?!” movie they’ve ever done.
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Impaler. Looks like they were the Twin Cities’ answer to the Fastbacks (Who in turn might well have been named for the racers in Teenage Strangler But that’s a whole other thread.). 
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So did you ever find it? Perhaps we could also determine which of those are unconstitutional.
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Sadly, no. It was in the comments on Club MST3K and the Internet Archive didn’t manage to save it.
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By the way, this looks like Beryl Sachs’ only other writing credit:
Gotta’ wonder if it’s riff-worthy, too.
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Why do I even bother with the brainless gibbons who live in this stinking hole of a town?
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IMDB lists Sachs as having five writing credits. The movie is categorized as a comedy, so it probably wouldn’t work for riffing. There is some MST3K talent in it, though. Johnny Downs was Tom Gregory in The Mad Monster. Wanda McKay (nee Dorothy Quackenbush) was the titular Jungle Goddess. Robert Kent was Bob West in The Phantom Creeps and Benson in Radar Secret Service. Finally, William Beaudine is credited as the director of the short Design for Dreaming.
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