The final fight scene from ‘Undefeatable’. One of the funniest scenes of greased meat colliding you’ll ever see.
3 Likes
And, of course the most legendary martial art of all - Ecky Thump!
1 Like
Need a healthy amount of poor kung fu + some bad humor + lots of bad language?
Black Belt Jones
3 Likes
THE MOTHER OF TOURNAMENT FILMS
3 Likes
We need to include Raw Force in here. It has everything you want in an exploitation flick - martial arts, zombie martial arts, cannibal monks, Cameron Mitchell, pirates, sexual depravity, Vic Reeves Hitler, the lot.
2 Likes
Anyone here heard of the McNamara twins? Humourless martial artists from Canada, of diminutive stature, who look like Graeme Souness (British MSTies will understand). They made two movies, both of which are available on YouTube, thanks to the Raging Dragon account (home of terrible MA flicks). The bad guy is fantastic, eating scenery like nobody’s business. The brothers are dull as ditchwater.
1 Like
RE: Twin Dragon Encounter - I’m just gonna leave this here. If anyone wants a Cliff’s Notes review of it (along with two other stinkers).
1 Like
I need to check out more of Godfrey Ho’s films.
The Dragon Lives Again aka Deadly Hands of Kung Fu is a deranged fever dream of a movie and quite possibly the most bizarre of the Brucesploitation flicks and that’s really saying something. In it Bruce battles logic and copyright law in Hell because even death can’t hold Bruce back. It sees Bruce in the underworld facing James Bond, The Man With No Name, Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman, The Godfather, The Exorcist, Count Dracula and uh, Emmanuelle. There’s also some Egyptian mummies and strangely familiar looking skeleton goons… He doesn’t have to do it alone though as along the way he gets help from the One-Armed Swordsman, Popeye the Sailor Man and Indiana Jones. At one point Bruce has to see a doctor because he is unwell and it turns out this is because he was dishing out too much loving before he died. In a show of jaw-dropping tastelessness he then reflects on his infidelity and faces the screen to say “I’m sorry Linda”, apologizing to his real life wife.
Terrible, terrible film that’s fascinating because of the sheer absurdity of it. Once the novelty wears off though you just have a pretty bad kung fu movie although a few of the gags are actually pretty funny.
Master of the Flying Guillotine aka One-Armed Boxer II in the UK is an amazing film. Plot’s paper thin but the evil blind monk is possibly the most bad-ass villain in kung fu cinema and the end fight is incredible. Contender for the best Hong Kong martial arts film of the 70s/80s that wasn’t made by Shaw Brothers or Golden Harvest. Was heavily cut in the UK originally because it had too many eye gouges and groin kicks for the BBFC’s liking.
3 Likes
Shaolin Youth Posse aka Little Hero of Shaolin Temple aka Tonal Whiplash: The Motion Picture revolves around the youthful members of the Shaolin Temple. The last surviving member of the Ming dynasty is under threat from the new regime so he is hidden amongst the Shaolin kids to try and keep them safe. The new emperor then demands an audience with the monks so all of the adults bar one supervisor leave for mount Wutai. With the adults gone the kids get up to some light-hearted hijinks. They goof off instead of practising, get into the wine, tease each other; it’s all pretty easy going until the body of one of the kids is found face down in the pond. Then another body is found and a couple more kids are murdered. we get some exposition explaining that the real prince has a mole on their foot. As all the kids have had a fake mole placed on their feet, the assassin doesn’t know which one is real so he kills indiscriminately.
There’s then an all out assault while all the senior monks are absent. The kids battling the evil adults does leave you kind of conflicted as the athletic abilities of the children are really quite impressive and watching them go toe to toe with the adults is neat but the film doesn’t hold back at all and some of the scenes of the kids getting killed are actually kind of shocking even if they’re not especially graphic. The camp “vampire” baddie that bites their necks is just plain creepy. The ending ramps it up even further with the children grabbing sticks of dynamite and running into the bad guys and blowing themselves up! This really is a weird film that can be goofy one minute and grim the next.
1 Like
The thing that I say, for no apparent reason, is:
Taco Bell! Taco Bell!
Product placement with Taco Bell!
Enchirito, Nacho, Burrito
2 Likes
Ever wish there was a film with kung fu fighting gorillas? Well you’re in luck (?) because The Shaolin Invincibles exists.
Two sisters leave the Shaolin Temple to get revenge for their family who was killed by the evil king blah, blah, blah. They get assistance from Carter Wong which is fortunate as the king is a formidable fighter and guarded by pair of demonic priests plus the aforementioned gorillas. Just like real gorillas they are invulnerable to swords with their weak points being on the very top of their heads. There’s also a mysterious old man with bizarre make-up imprisoned in a cell. Can he be trusted?
I legitimately enjoy this film and it has long been a guilty pleasure of mine. The fighting is decent and plentiful with some pretty entertaining deaths to go with it. The gorillas are hilarious as the film plays them totally straight despite how patently ridiculous they are with their terribly cheap costumes. My favourite scene is a totally pointless one where the king makes the gorillas fight over apples. This scene cracks me up every time. Then you also have a couple of bad-ass heroines leading the film for a bit of girl power too.
2 Likes
The dub of Five Deadly Venoms deserves mention. The plot involves five kung fu masters, each with magical style and skills based on different animals: the toad, the lizard, the centipede, the scorpion, and the snake. It’s good fun, but what puts it into the bizarre realm is the scorpion delivers a lot of exposition. He’s got a mask on, and the dubbers decided this was the time for realism, and muffled all his lines.
So this guy will swing in through a window, mumble important plot info, and then leave.
5 Likes
I enjoyed this one quite a bit, but haven’t seen the dub. Will have to give it a watch.
1 Like
Kung Fu Wonder Child or Kong-Fu Wonder Child is a bewildering mix of martial arts, special-effects and broad comedy that if nothing else certainly isn’t boring. What it is is a near-constant barrage of bizarre imagery and crass humour. There’s an evil priest that can turn into a cartoon dragon, a family of hopping vampires, buttock biting baddies, a fight with an Aliens face-hugger in a tiny house, pot people and a funky soundtrack. Special mention has to go to the evil priest’s lair and the goofy skull backdrop that could not look any less intimidating. This is one of those films that will make you say “what on Earth?” out loud while watching. The hyper-kinetic action sequences are really enjoyable though, especially the finale.
1 Like
How about this one?
2 Likes
Okay, that’s a new one to me. I’ll have to check that out at some point.
1 Like
Here’s an oddity - The Amazing Mr No Legs (1978). Directed by the guy who wore the rubber suit in the original Creature from the Black Lagoon. And yes, the guy in the wheelchair joins in with the martial arts action.
2 Likes
Shaolin Drunkard has been mentioned a few times but its follow up Taoism Drunkard is also bonkers. Shaolin is probably the better film but Taosim is maybe weirder. A big reason for this is the banana monster:
At least on my copy it’s called that (because it likes to bite off mens’ “bananas”). I’ve also seen it referred to as “watermelon monster” so it depends on which version you see I guess. It guards the “Leader’s Writ”, the McGuffins of the film that the evil Astronomic B*****d wants to acquire.
2 Likes
Kickboxing Academy is a cheesy 1997 martial arts flick I saw on cable. With females beating up males, it feels more like some feminist revenge fantasy. I always felt that the 1980s Karate Kid movies and Sidekicks with Jonathan Brandis were much better films about youth and martial arts.
1 Like
I can’t speak for the movie, but this trailer does a bravura job of selling this movie. Listen to that narrator!
“Shadow of the Dragon comes on strong . . .LIKE KING KONG!”
3 Likes