Beyond Atlantis, I don't get you...

So yeah, just like Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

I’m kind of surprised the laughing scene didn’t end with a freeze frame and the Star Trek “funny” musical cue. They probably couldn’t afford a freeze frame.

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I was thinking more of an Angela Lansbury, Murder She Wrote freeze ending.

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Yeah that ending feels very handwavy, but thankfully not in the same way as Monster A Go Go

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Yeah, the Monster A Go-Go ending is better, since there they at least don’t laugh right in our faces.

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At least not overtly.

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They are laughing in our faces at the end of Monster A-Go-Go, but they’re a thousand miles away in a life raft when they do it, so it’s less obvious.

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And of normal size, too!

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Nah. That astronaut is too busy re-hydrating with a certain delicious orange breakfast drink to concern himself with anything else.

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Even if they have lost this box full of pearls, the island they just came from is full of pearls apparently. And the island’s inhabitants had recently given up their “all intruders will be killed” policy (as well as their will to live, it seems). All our adventurers had to do was go back and get more pearls. Heck, East Eddie didn’t even need the two interchangeable leads anymore and could/should have killed them on the spot. He had Manuel, who knew where the island is, and after Manuel saw East Eddie kill the other two guys, I’m betting Manuel would have been more than willing to help EE return to the island and get all the new pearls he wanted.

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I think an acceptable ending would have “East Manuel” sitting in the same chair that East Eddie was in when they met.

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So my take on the islanders (And this is probably my head scrambling to make it all fit more than anything that was in the movie):

The members of the royal family, in a neat little switch-a-roo, are the only denizens of the island that aren’t inbred. That’s why they get normal eyes and that lets them be in charge. In order to stay non-inbred (outbred?), they lure people to the island with pearls, pick an outlander to mate with, and then get rid of them either by letting them leave or killing them. Thus, they get to keep their normal eyes as a status symbol of power and rule the little island empire.

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Shouldn’t it be that the pearls are cursed or something, so anyone who steals them is punished by Neptune or something like that? Everyone on that boat is guilty. As a group, they stole the pearls, wiped out most of the tribe, and blew up the temple. And then Manuel mutinied and tried to take it all for himself at gunpoint.

(I’m not even sure Manuel wants to be a crimelord. He seemed happy as a fisherman who occasionally got paid in pearls to ferry the princess. Being a crimelord is a stressful and dangerous job.)

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I wanted to see the epic clash between East and West Eddies.

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Eddiedome! Two Eddies enter…

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colbertstewarttea

Meanwhile, the other outlier Eddies are all, “Harumph. So uncivilized.”

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Meanwhile, Central Eddie is all…

dr-evil-evil-laugh

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Ugh. Can’t we just get beyond Eddiedome?

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Just wait until the Directional Eddie faction meets up with the Statistical Eddies. Central Eddie may be a badass, but the winner of the Average Eddie/Mean Eddie/Median Eddie battle is going to be a tough draw for anyone.

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I heard they tried to get Barometric Pressure Eddie, but he’s the wind, baby.

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Eddies in the space-time continuum. “Oh, he is, is he?”

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