Throwing this out for discussion…
Host segment 2…
Was thinking a skit on either spelunking or how phosphorus doesn’t emit any sort of light. What do ya think, sirs and ma’ams?
ETA: found this great playlist of educational shorts on the tube of yous. This is a fairly short movie, so not sure if we want to tackle a short with it as well. And here is another playlist from a different company.
Could we possibly tackle this short at some point? It may be one of the creepiest things I’ve ever watched.
I’m riffing already
“They had always dreamed of taking the school bus”
Me: Dream big Pooh, dream big
“Speak softly, don’t shout so the driver can stay alert”
Me: but breaking into song at random points is perfectly safe
Yes, its terrifying. Pooh’s neck is too long for a start.
Ahem… Here’s my submission for the first part of the invention exchange. And I’ve even created storyboards of a sort:
What do you think sirs?
For Jonah and the bots, I’m thinking of Surly Celebrity Sourdoughs Starters. – Turn their bitter bile-soaked rants into a delicious home-baked treat!
The idea being that sourdough starters are basically just blobs of dough infused with carbon dioxide (which human beings exhale) that react with the yeast to turn it acidic.
So following MST3K logic, having somebody like Christian Bale or Ellen DeGeneres shout abuse at your sourdough ball will age it to vinegary perfection overnight as opposed to taking a hundred years like some super fancy (and dare I say, pretentious) starters that people who are snobbish about bread are really into. [Note: It seemed like everybody got weirdly into exotic baking during the pandemic, which is why I’ve had this idea rattling around in my head for the last 6 months]
Jonah and the Bots accomplish this by basically putting Sony walkman style headphones around the sourdough balls (we only hear a muffled version of the rants when they briefly take them off) After explaining the premise, they sample a variety of freshly baked breads made from different primadonna celebrities, with the final gag being that the last one they try is made using somebody like Ann Coulter and it’s simply unpalatable…
It’s a pretty tried and true framework for a sketch, but I’m still working on the middle bit and trying to think of other celebrities famous for going on obnoxious self-entitled tirades, without skewing too political. (and I also want to try to make it distinct from the Yeast-a-Pet invention from season 11)
Requested access to make edits. Going to spend the evening watching this with my crew and churning some ideas.
Just a protip if you want to pull any of the Public domain media from Archive.org or other tube sites I have found Offliberty works great and was able to get The Incredible Petrified World downloaded no problem
I was slightly annoyed because I do own a DVD copy of TIPW, but it’s the 1:03 version that is missing the clips from One Million B.C. (basically, any special effect more costly than an operating winch). So, Youtube for me.
So, is your version missing about 4 minutes?
My DVD is on the shelf. I’m using the Youtube video I linked to. 1:07
Oops. Sorry, I set the Google link to anyone with the URL can view.
I’ve switched it over to anyone with the URL can edit.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1g-3wUogIONYX9LuJhtFfJVM1es7AwtmMByeBwB0FMvw/edit?usp=sharing
I’ve also gone ahead and changed the timecode to 1 second increments, added in the Commercial Sign and Host Segment breaks and updated the column names so that each riffer has now their own column to write in (I’ve locked the upper and left-most column, so the timecode will always scroll with you, no matter what column you’re in.)
To claim a column for yourself just find the next available column that doesn’t have anybody using it, and enter your Forum Username followed by your real name, if you want to.
Next, highlight your column, right click, and select Protect Range.
Then type in your forum username and choose Set Permissions
Set the Range editing permissions to only you. That means that nobody else but you can make any alterations to your column.
I’ve made 12 columns to start with, but it’s easy enough to add more as needed.
I’ve also added a small section at the bottom for “plug in” riffs. i.e.: riffs that aren’t tied to a particular timecode and can be used anywhere there’s an appropriate gap. These can be extremely useful since once we get the majority of the script written, the hardest part will be filling in those little bits where nothing useful is happening on screen to react to.
bravo!
While I think we should keep things short and simple and focus on this one movie (I’ve just completed 75 riffs for the first theater segment in two days… and there are 7 segments more to go!), here’s a curated list of public domain shorts available over on Archive.org that I put together a while back for The Mads. None of these have been riffed on MST3K, Rifftrax, The Mads, or any of the other offshoots before. Here they are in order of how riffable I think they are:
Tippy, Our Town Dog (1952) Tippy, Our Town Dog : Encyclopaedia Britannica Films, Inc. : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
(You don’t get more perfect riff fodder than a short following a filthy dog around town while an unseen narrator describes his every thought and action. Any time you get to riff on what a dog is thinking, it’s pure comedy gold.)
Man to Man (1947) Man to Man : Handy (Jam) Organization : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
This one’s a bit long but makes up for it by being another one of those crazy fever dreams where some poor salesman eats a big lobster dinner and has his dreams invaded by otherworldly spirits who want to teach him about salesmanship. Because it’s half an hour. If we were to use this one alongside The Incredible Petrified World it would bring our riff up to the full 90 minute length of a regular episode.
Tomorrow’s Drivers (1954) Tomorrow's Drivers : Handy (Jam) Organization : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
(A surreal drivers ed short narrated by Jimmy Stewart, featuring kids driving around in tiny model cars and getting into traffic accidents. There’s so much to work with in this one!)
The Fun of Being Thoughtful (1950) Fun of Being Thoughtful, The : Coronet Instructional Films : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
One of those Coronet social guidance shorts that tries to convince selfish teenagers to consider the motives and feelings of others. This one goes to great lengths to convince us what an insufferable dink Eddie is, and why his life is a living hell of his own making.
Control Your Emotions (1950) Control Your Emotions : Coronet Instructional Films : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
A psychology short featuring a supposedly accredited psychologist only slightly more believable than the “Gesture Professor” from the beginning of The Mole People, who strongly advocates avoiding any stimulus that might conceivably make you experience an emotion. He also seems to have a thing for fondling his glasses.
Better Use of Leisure Time (1950) Better Use of Leisure Time : Coronet Instructional Films : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
Pretty sure this is the exact same kid from the Cheating short. An instructional video who’s main point seems to be that if you have time off it should be spent working. Also contains various old-timey phantoms appearing in a child’s bedroom to offer advice on how to have a better work ethic, which is always good fun.
What Makes A Good Party? (1950) What Makes A Good Party? : Coronet Instructional Films : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
This is one of those shorts that could kick off an entire experiment’s worth of host segments, as preparing a party involves weeks of forethought, careful planning, and compulsive list writing, leading up to the driest least entertaining party ever.
Friendship Begins at Home (1949) Friendship Begins At Home : Coronet Instructional Films : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
This one has a lot in common with the Fun of Being Thoughtful short, where a teen (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Quentin Coldwater from The Magicians) is taught to appreciate spending time with his family after angrily refusing to go along on the annual family camping trip and finding himself left alone in an empty house to eat canned beans for two weeks straight and reflect on his past sins.
Bacteria: Friend and Foe (1953) Bacteria: Friend and Foe : Encyclopedia Britannica Films, Inc. : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
(This one’s in color, and drifts off into some weird territory about alchemy, which is kind of amusing, but mostly it’s two brothers in a lab looking at bacteria under a microscope. This one might be a little harder to riff, because the actual scientific information about microbiology is pretty dry and boring.)
Leave it to Roll-Oh (1940) Leave It to Roll-Oh : Handy (Jam) Organization : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
(A clunking robot from the 1940’s World’s Fair shows off the marvelous time-saving “robots” of the future. Robots like thermostats, antilock breaks, and automatic coffee pots. This one tries to be funny in parts, so it may be harder to riff.)
Okay, this thread is getting a bit out of hand for me. We may want to split it up.
Are we still using the google sheet that @MyWy sent me?
A separate thread for other riff suggestions?
Who is in charge of wrangling the cats, because this kitty is confused.
I believe @Ansible is Head Writer, but he is also Head Software Developer, so he will be ready to wrangle the cats when he finishes building the corral. 
Although, we might have two Head Writers since the film was @MyWy’s pick, and he has already taken major organization steps.
That older timer Biller Slater is ready 
Fanficisode: Riffing on The Incredible Petrified world
Fanficisode: Best riff submission for Co-Directorship
Fanficisode: Shorts discussion
Fanficisode: Host segment discussion
Fanficisode: Invention exchange discussion
Any others you can think of?
I do believe the B plot of this film is Dale’s female masculinity and her quest to be one of the men with occasional relapses into hysterical 50s woman. I wish we wouldn’t coda on the weird hysterics though. There’s also the moment when she tosses Tom’s ring into the sea and says “I hope he knows what he’s doing, because I do!” I’d rather leave that as food for thought because we’ve seen screaming women too many times before. How profound is it that they don’t scream anymore and they even have opinions about stuff that they actually say?
The other moment that is stinger worthy is the castaway sexual predator getting buried in rocks by a deep sea volcano.
Yeah I think the monster is misogyny again as usual.
Or Old Gregg creepily peeping tom it up through the rocks at 49:15-49:30. Made me literally lol
Honorable mention: Dried Pufferfish on a String.
Take only pictures, people.
