Naw, it’s not like there’s a universal “right” answer.
If you like what you’re doing and you’re happier more days than not then you’re probably fine and it ain’t nothin’ to worry about.
If not, it might be worth seeing what you have control over that you can change. Sometimes there’s not much; rent is rent, bills are bills…but odds are there’s something you can do to reclaim some of your emotional investment and start spending it on yourself and the people you care about. (Ain’t nothing wrong with looking forward to a weekend!)
Took me a long time to figure out how to talk about something other than work when I wasn’t at work. Got a lot happier when I did.
As for the daily grind…I mean, sort of? I think? It’s all just little stuff. The trick seems to be picking what little stuff you’re gonna focus on. For us it’s been about spending less time and energy trying to make the most of someone else’s business and spending more time making small, lasting changes to the things we actually control.
I love that thread about the totally mundane accomplishments. Building those up week after week has taken us from living in a house to living in a home.
Dude, I dunno. I’m still figuring all this out myself.
EDIT:
And I super feel that structure thing. Summer vacation with no external work schedule and no school schedule got weird at our place.
This. I’ve known far too many people who died before 60, who never got to do all the things they wanted to do. It’s why I travel so much, why I take the crochet classes, why I’m perfectly fine with having just a job and not a career. Not gonna wait a few more decades to finally do what I want.
Not that I think my generation (and those after me) are ever going to be able to fully retire, but that’s another rant!
I’m loathe to go too deep into the topic of life expectations vs the grim realities, disappointment and regrets, etc, because it would just be too damned depressing.
But I will say that I save and save, partly because I’ve been near financial ruin (#$@! uninsured drunk driver). Which was awful and a scary place to be in ones life.
But I also really, desperately need to retire. I know I can’t enjoy my hard earned $$ when I’m dead, but I can’t enjoy life the way it stands now.
And yes, some folks tell me, oh I could never retire, what would I do? How about nothing, because that would be preferable than going to my soul sucking job (or any job for that matter). So I scrimp and save, and I scheme and plan to try and figure a way to make it an early retirement. Anything to get me the hell away from hell.
And my needs are simple. I don’t want to travel, I don’t want a boat. What I want is peace and quiet. A book, a movie, an episode of MST, having lunch with my brother, maybe even getting together to play a few songs, nothing extravagant, that’s happiness enough for me. It might sound like I’m cheap (checking out books and movies from the library for free, for example), but it’s for a reason.
My vibes tend to lean on the dark side of things anyway. And MST, or any great comedy (Keaton too) is like oxygen… “ah, yes, that helps ease my cares, that helps me breathe”
I always feel like a ghoul waiting for retirement because while I don’t have much savings, my mother is wealthy and I’m going to inherit a decent chunk of money to retire on when she dies. I don’t want her to die, obviously, but when she does, it will mean I can afford to retire. I feel terrible thinking that way.
One of the few things I HAVE figured out is that other people’s opinions of me and the things I enjoy are, in the grand scheme of things, entirely unimportant. What is important is finding the things in life I enjoy doing, collecting, saving, or whatever, and reveling in those things to my heart’s content.
I am 43 (as of last week), and I well remember being that bookish, nerdy girl who wore glasses and was teased constantly in school, but that and other incidents in my life have convinced me that the one truly important thing to remember is to never apologize for the things I enjoy, and if people don’t understand my enjoyment of said things, to not let their opinions of my passions taint my enjoyment of them. It’s like John Barrowman once said; don’t apologize for being nerdy, because unnerdy people never apologize for being ***holes. So continue enjoying all the little things that make your nerdy heart happy, and if someone sneers at you for it or teases you, shrug it off, because their opinion ultimately doesn’t matter.
As to my professional life; I am lucky enough to be doing something I do truly enjoy, but I’m well aware that is a rarity in today’s workforce, so my advice would be, do not stay in the soul-sucking job just because it’s steady work; always be on the lookout for that opportunity to find a way to do what you LIKE to do. Seize the day, don’t talk yourself out of it because there’s a risk you might not succeed. There will ALWAYS be risk, but taking the risk is usually, in my opinion, far better than always wondering “what if?” The same could be applied to your personal life; get the opportunity to travel somewhere you’ve never been, or do something you’ve never done? TAKE IT. Regrets are never worth it. I mean yes, this is within the confines of your personal finances, but if you can afford it, you have the time off built up with your employer, and it’s an opportunity that would be slow to come around again, then by Cthulhu TAKE IT and don’t apologize for doing it!
A former boss once actually chided me for travelling while I’m still working. 'Wait ‘til you retire! My parents did and are having a great time!’ (Really, he just wanted me to knock off the long vacations so he wouldn’t have to cover for me)
I pointed out that my mom died at age 45 and even if he could guarantee I’d live long enough, I wasn’t going to put off what I wanted to do.
I’ve been at this job 16 years, and in that time I’ve spent 3 weeks each in Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and Paris. And I regret nothing.
I’ve heard of this phenomenon of people who are bored in their retirement and miss going to work. I say, great, whatever blows your hair back, but I am not one of these people.
There are lots of things that I would do each day if I had that time to myself. Hell, I could blow through an hour most days simply hanging out in the backyard watching squirrels do squirrel things.
I propose some kind of work exchange program. Bob is bored in retirement? Fine, we pair Bob with someone like me. Let Bob get up and battle traffic. Let Bob work all day. Let Bob make sure he gets his TPS reports in. Knock yourself out, Bob. You simply send the money to my bank account. I’ll be in the back watching squirrels.
Here’s the thing, at this stage in life, they are all soul sucking jobs. It was different at 40, even at 50, but at 60, man, I’m beyond beat.
I’ve worked different jobs, I’ve owned my own businesses, I did my music thing and played 'round the country, and worked in studios. So, I’ve done a lot, tried a lot. But now… I feel like I went 15 rounds with Ali, and it’s time for go to bed… or at least, time for sitting in the back porch with a drink, and watching the sun set.
As as kid, I used to think my grandparents were funny, sitting there with their bird feeder in the back yard, trying to identify the birds that stopped by… I don’t think they’re funny anymore. Birds or squirrels or watching lightning bugs fluttering about, I think that sounds like Heaven.
I hear ya. I’m just counting the days until I turn 65 and are eligible for Medicare. If it weren’t for the health insurance angle, I’d be retired already.
My aunt got us a bird feeder and a pack of suet blocks and a little glossy bird identification chart thing when we moved up here and it was nice but we weren’t super jazzed or anything.
Now I think that’s maybe the best gift we’ve ever gotten.
Cardinals, red wing blackbirds, some kinda hoppy leggy birds, some skunks, a possum family, a whole mess of irritable geese, and some squirrels our neighbor hand feeds cookies…it’s all been very exciting. The front porch is a happening place.
We have great horned owls around us. We can hear three or four of them on some nights, talking back and forth to each other. I also have red-tail hawks, Copper’s hawks, sharp-shinned hawks, and kestrels. Let’s just say the pigeons and rabbits are nervous around here. We can also hear coyotes yipping at night now that it’s cooler.
Oh and I live in the western 'burbs of Denver, not exactly out in the middle of nowhere.
… on that topic, I’ve started getting the occasional unsolicited senior discount at fast food restaurants. Is it wrong that my reaction is not indignation but instead, “Hey, that’s cool!”
