Pitch A Host Segment

Movie: Plan 9 From Outer Space

Host segment:

Lead actor Gregory Walcott (who played Jeff Trent) donated pages of his original Plan 9 scropt to a newly opening Alehouse to use as walpaper in the bathroom. Walcott, needless to say, had a very low opinion of the movie he almost turned down.

Host and bots discuss cheesy movie items they would use to decorate a public bathroom.

Your ideas? …


My host segment would include all the humans trying to lace themselves up as tight as Vampyra and nearly dying in the process.

If the subjects win, the Mads have to bring them down. But we already know this is not winnable.

(On second thought, Jonah might make it. He’s now a seasoned pro at having his oxygen cut off.)


Battle Beyond the Stars:
Jonah starts to give a lecture about the various Seven Samurai adaptations so the bots dig a pit for him to fall into as he paces from podium to whiteboard.


If they do plan 9, they should definitely swap the host with another actor and not address it.


Someone taller and covers their face with a cape.


Taller than Jonah? Unpossible!


This would obviously be too easy for Crow, but now I kinda want to hear Kelsey’s take on a Vampyra impression.


Obviously, for Plan 9 From Outer Space, there has to be a segment where they dress up as the aliens and discuss what Plans 1-8 were (and how disastrously they all failed).


Another host segment could focusing on the illustrious police career of Inspector Clay (aka Tor Johnson) with artistic renderings of all the incredibly things he received commendations for over the years that other movie cops later took credit for.

This could including hanging under a bus to defuse a bomb like in Speed, giving a Tor Johnson version of the famous Dirty Harry speech, and climbing through air ducts like John McClane in Die Hard. (The bots scoff at the logistics of this, but the host reminds them that everything was bigger back in the 50’s, including air ducts.)


Somebody needs to dress up as Richard Thomas and show up on Moon 13 randomly reading poetry to the humans or Boneheads or whoever’s available by then.

One of the Mads has a not-so-secret crush, much like TV’s Frank did on Lisa Loeb.

(This isn’t even a jab at Thomas’ oeuvre. I’ve never read his poetry. Maybe it’s great. I just want to see how he’d fare against all that Evil.)

The Host and the Bots set up a Fantasy Deathsport League.

Carradine has an interesting life and death. Might be too adult for a typical mst3k host segment. Not to mention his yellow face credit. But I could definitely see some humor in there. Like the bots really liking his character and going online to learn about their hero only to be disappointed.

Return of The Devil Dogs!

The SOL & Moon 13 and The Gizmoplex are infested with the Devil Dogs we first meet in season 1. Jonah devises a sneaky plan to convince Kinga to let him use the Backjack to lure them away. Jonah “promises” Kinga he won’t take this opportunity to escape. He sneaks all the bots on the Backjack with him and gets under way. ALMOST free, Torgo The White, (played by Mike Nelson) appears to Jonah and the bots to convince them that they have some divine duty to stay and be subject to “The Master Kinga”, as Torgo keeps addressing her. Jonah almost talks his way out of it when Kinga sees whats happening and unleashes Coily the Spring Sprite (voiced by Kevin Murphy) to disable the craft causing it to crash back to the moon. All escapees grabbed by large black tubes and returned to their SOL.

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I can’t get the title “Pitch: A Host Segment” out of my head, but I’m not a writer so technically this pitch is going to be terrible.

Pitch tempts Crow to make Earth vs. Soup, host makes references to the Devil vs Daniel Webster, day is saved by Santo wrestling Pitch, Tom says “Hooray for Santo Claus.”


I think Emotional Scientist should return. Though I’m not very picky about who assumes the role. So long as they have ridiculous hair and a strange accent. (I guess in the spirit of this being the 21st Century, someone could work a few Hugh Laurie flourishes in there, too.)

Doctor St. Phibes or the clones she no doubt kept in reserve somewhere… a good prospect.

Host and the bots of P9FOS episode spend the host segments trying to think of a Plan 10 from SOL.

Host and the bots spend a maddening time trying to find the source of a steady beeping in the SOL. After much fruitless searching, at the end of the episode they finally discover it’s just a TV remote locator from the now defunct Sharper Image under the console.

For Abraxas, I don’t know where the host segment would start from or ultimately go, but I could imagine Emily and her crew donning bald caps and doing their best SUPER-GUTTURAL Jesse “The Body” Ventura voices.

Like, what we saw with the EddieCon stuff in Beyond Atlantis, but somehow EVEN MORE GUTTURAL

The bots find the necromomicon and read from it. Evil gets into Tom’s hand and he lops it off at the wrist.

Then they could all announce they’re running for office.

(Terrifying the Mads all through the episode, 'cause there’s Evil and then there’s, well, politics.) :dizzy_face: