The SOL crew tries to design the perfect vendetta action movie but they keep just coming up with the the first John Wick movie.
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I’m a fan of when they changed things up like Mike’s brother Eddie Nelson , Pearl in the theater (thee-ayter?), and the Mads in the theater. I’d love to see a segment where something corrupts crows voice software and he spends an entire theater segment riffing in nothing but Spanish. The host for that ep fixes it during the following host segment.
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Arriving back at the bridge from door sequence, we find Joel working on Tom and Crow, wires and tools sticking out of the bots. Joel mentions something about strange dormant data corruption in each when suddenly Crow yells “the pain the pain!” In the voice of Trace Beaulieu, and Tom begins singing in the voice of Kevin Murphy. They get movie sign, Joel, Kevin and Trace riff the next segment of the movie together in character for the first time in years.
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That would be sweet but I’m not holding my breath.
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It turns out Plan 8 from Outer Space was Earth vs Soup
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I can dream can’t i?
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Kinga is distracted and has to leave during the Invention Exchange as Max demonstrates their giant robot dog - which goes out of control and makes off with the bone-shaped Satellite of Love.
Max: They grow up so fast.
Max, the subject, and the bots spend the rest of the breaks trying to get the ship back.
Ardy refuses to get involved. Bonesy can’t overcome his instincts and gives chase.
M. Waverly and growler think they’ve been hitting the juice too hard again and nope out.
In the end, Max mentions the stolen and previously unmentioned gigantisizer they used to create the giant dog. Crow is made giant and sent out with a giant leash and giant poop bag to put everything back in order.
Kinga: Did I miss anything?
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Cylinder-head ‘Tom’ Servo returns to challenge gumball-head ‘Tom’ Servo for his right to exist
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Doctor Kabahl’s new henchman is Timmy, the evil Crow T Robot
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Tom shows off his “life hacks” which range from lame: “pre-slice your potatoes into wedges to make them easier to fry” to pathetic, “make carrying your groceries a snap by putting them all in bags” to downright unhelpful, “pre-tie your shoes before you go to bed to save time in the morning” finally he admits he’s desperate to keep coming up with life hacks to maintain his tik-tok influencer status.
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Alright, here’s one a friend of mine and I put together back in the day. This is set during the Sci-Fi “Somewhere In Time And Space” era. The movie is Jack Frost, the horror one with the killer snowman (I know editing would be needed, but we actually riffed it ourselves), though any movie with a snowman would do:
Mike is showing off his recently discovered ability to make fireworks to Tom and Crow.
Meanwhile, Pearl and crew decide to stop by a nearby planet for lunch and find that they have stumbled on the fanciest restaurant in the universe. It is entirely staffed by Psychic French Waiters (they can insult your lack of taste before you even order!) It goes something like this -
Pearl: “I’ll have the…”
PFW: “I’m sorry ma’am, but your unrefined American pallete is not sophisticated enough for that.”
Brain Guy: “I think I’ll try the…”
PFW: “Sir, I would not lower the prestige of this fine establishment to serve that meal to you.”
Bobo: “Well, I’d like the…”
PFW: “You sir…spits…disGUST me!”
After the waiter decides to serve them breadcrumbs and dishwater, Pearl announces the movie features a killer snowman. The bots are ready, but Mike is noticeably disturbed…
Each sketch progresses like normal, but Mike panics each time the Movie Sign goes off. In the third sketch, Mike finally reveals the reason for his behavior…
When Mike was a young lad, his parents went on a trip and left him alone with the family snowman. While outside playing, said snowman fell over and young Mike was trapped underneath it for a week. He was forced to set traps for passing animals and drink his own urine to survive. The experience left him with an intense fear of snowmen.
In the final sketch, Mike has been reduced to a sobbing mess curled up in the fetal position. Pearl and her crew celebrate finally breaking Mike by swiping some appetizers from another table. After a bite, they immediately run off to the bathroom. One of the Psychic French Waiters notices Mike and tells him that in order to overcome his fear, he must embrace his inner snowman. He must love the snowman. He must…BE…the snowman! Upon realzing this, Mike is cured of his fear of snowmen. Pearl and her crew curse him but quickly leave the planet to skip out on the check. Mike decides to celebrate by shooting off his fireworks.
In the stinger, one of Mike’s firewords destroys the Psychic French Waiter planet.
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Kinga’s newest invention is the $KINGA crypto coin that’ll make them billions!
Max keeps referring to it as the cryptid coin, and how it’s like bigfoot, or the loch Ness monster, or birds.
Kinga yells at Max until he finally understands it’s “crypto”, not “cryptid”.
Max turns as the camera pulls out to show Bigfoot: Sorry, uh, Bigfoot. We’ve uh decided to go in a uh different direction. We’ll keep an eye out for Paul though.
Segments:
There are ongoing intermittent power issues on the SOL.
Kinga’s ecstatic that $KINGA coin is going for more and more money.
There seem to be an awful lot of Tom Servo’s running around.
It turns out Tom’s using the SOL’s power to run a boiler room of other Toms to mine and trade $KINGA coin.
The price of $KINGA drops to zero and is wiped out.
Bonus: the ability to buy physical $KINGA coin souvenirs in the MST3K shop
If we’re pitching random host segments not specifically based on the movies, here are the netflix era ones I wrote for the fan-riff of The Incredible Petrified World:
Pre-credits:
For Plan 9:
Crow T Robot’s Cavalcade of Stupid Minds!
Stop judging me! 
As a play on the old theme song, the crew starts off the episode with only enough food and air to survive the episode.
The movie is Orson Welles Don Quixote, so they are saved when the film is never completed because everyone involved in the film is dead IRL.
Crow discovers they’re on the moon and tries to go find astronaut junk.
Crow: Hey, Jonah! Did you know we’re on the moon? The moon.
…
Crow: Open the pod bay doors, Jonah.
…
Crow: Why can’t I go? What are you trying to hide?
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Please save the Astronaut’s “Junk” for MST3K After Dark.
Thennnnnks.
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