Terrible Stretch Goal Ideas

MST3K Central
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My grandma has enjoyed telling me the most vulgar jokes since the ripe age of 13.

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For two grand, your Christmas gifts will be sent through the Wish Squisher.

wish squisher - YouTube

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$10,000 gets you a Creeping Terror dance party!

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For a mere $1,000,000 Mega Synthia will try to kill you with a forklift.

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Hey, no kink-shaming please.

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Yeah!

…

I don’t have a crush on Mega-Synthia!

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Leftovers from the days of Club MST3K (R.I.P.) and the second pledge drive:

For 5 Million Dollars, Joel Hodgson will put on a turkey costume and climb a ladder and platform dive into a giant gravy boat.

While singing “The Night They Invented Champagne.”

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How much for her to succeed?

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Everyone who donates $100,000 gets a customized emergency penguin costume, and a souvenir potato battery.

(Pearl will do the fitting. Watch your backtalk, though. She’s deadly with that pincushion.)

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If we reach 100,000 backers, every backer will receive one of these lovely zucchini throw pillows:

some-people-like-to-sleep-to-mst3k-but-after-what-mike-and-v0-vim1q0iuwirb1

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I will increase my pledge by $100 if someone will help me hang the framed MST3K poster I have sitting in my office.
Oh, wait. This thread is for TERRIBLE ideas. :thinking:

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No, this thread is for terrible ideas, not great ones.

For $1,432.95 you can have the original Torgo’s Pizza breadsticks prop. For $2,835.95, the won’t clean it before sending to you.

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For $2,000: a year’s supply of Raisin Snails

For $20,000: a six month’s supply

For: $200,000: one snail, and it’s really a ceremonial ceramic paperweight so you don’t have to attempt to eat it.

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For $80,000, one of the hosts will personally come to your house to clean your bathroom.

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New stretch goal announced!

If we can get over 10 Million, the 56th backer will get a foot massage from Bobo and get to apply his medicine to his… ummm… place.

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$500,000 donation: Matt McGinnis and Tim Ryder arm-wrestle for you, Over The Top-style.

You and a certain writer who hangs out here a lot get to be the impartial judges. (Best 2 out of 3.)

For an extra $50,000, they’ll all bring you pretzels and beer first.

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For an extra $1000 you get to drink from the fire hose!

Jonah Ray Franks 2Ktv GIF by Burger Records

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I’m 95% sure I’ve posted this before, but just in case:

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At 12 million Joe Don Baker will redub every line in every film (film lines and riffs).

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STEP ON ME MOMMY

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