(Aiming to keep them safe enough to describe in front of The Pope or one’s Grandma.)
If you donate 2 Million Dollars, a lead actor has to have your name emblazoned on the side or roof of their house for a whole year or until the next fundraiser, whichever comes first.
Graffiti-style. With metallic highlights.
NEXT!!
If you donate $4.8 million to fund the full six episodes a lead actor or actress will get a tattoo of your choosing as long as it’s MST3K related and not profane.
For $10M, the MST3K crew will help you make your own movie.
Which they will then riff mercilessly.
For $20 Torgo will bring you a pizza.
And for 10 dollars, they’ll bribe Kevin Murphy or Bill Corbett to call you on a Sunday morning and riff your breakfast.
(One of these guys claimed that their wife admonished them to not riff breakfast. But I dis-remember which one.)
For $2000 you get to control the button that toggles when Matt McGinnis is muted during a livestream event
For $500,000: You’ll receive your very own sentient Turkules.
For a $25,000 pledge, you’ll get to be an employee at Torgo’s Pizza for a day!
And what a day THAT will be.
For a mere $50,000 you can watch the next Manos/The Bubble over and over again, unriffed, just like the writers!
I did that with Ninja Terminator once upon a time and transcribed a show’s worth of riffs with some other MSTies. Yes, we were kings and queens of the riffing world for one or two magical weeks. 
If you pledge at the $150 Golden Producer level, you’ll receive this sturdy tote bag… emblazoned over its entire surface with the color brown.
What? Someone had to do it.
For $1,400,000 a Mad of your choosing will abduct you in the night, transfer you to an undisclosed location, lock you in a series of small to theater sized rooms for up to 5 years, and run experiments on you
Pledge for a thousand, and you get… a voodoo doll of Max.
It says something that if I had the resources I’d spring for this for sure. Idk if it says something good or not, but it definitely says something. 
It would be sweet if they offered as a reward of a William Conrad refrigerator alarm…say for a 10k contribution.
Stretch goal stretch pants.
(I was waiting in case anyone else wanted to suggest that one, but y’know it’s getting dark out now and all.)
Those go great with a Johnny Long torso
[fans self] 
I will not quote the riff about new seat covers even if it is canon.
[writes this 1,000 times on the board like Bart Simpson]
Because I’m a MSTie, and a Minnesotan, I definitely heard this in the classic MST midwestern accent. Therefore…
Pledge $7500 and you can have a Zoom call with Joel, where both of you use that accent the entire time.
I need that one in my life SO bad. (Poor man. What did he do wrong?!) Except I’ll mangle the monologue from the opener of The Day The Earth Froze and he can do the Borscht Belt accent. (To keep the universe in proper balance.)