Describe your invention to exchange, or actually build something and show puctures. What do you think Sir’s?
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I’m the style of the Mads, I duplicated Jonah’s bubble fan.
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The words Demon Core Fondue Set entered my brain this morning.
Simply impale your morsel of uncooked food on the end of a screwdriver, carefully lower the top neutron reflector over the handy plutonium core to control cooking temperature, and enjoy hot food, in Cold War style. As a bonus, briefly lower the reflector the whole way to add a supercritical tangy flavor to your feast.
(Ok, the famous Demon Core accidents were very slightly before the Cold War, but when measuring small gaps, whether in time or in distance between two neutron reflectors, it’s ok to fudge things a bit for entertainment purposes.)
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CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! I spent years doodling invention exchange ideas while working on a series of dead-end tech support jobs. At one point, I had an entire notebook chocked full of them (which is now undoubtedly rat chow somewhere in my parent’s garage) but I can still remember most of the better ones.
Most of these come in thematic pairs too, like they used to during the first few Joel seasons, so for example, on the subject of inventing new musical instruments, we’ve got:
The Wah-Wah-Wah Pedal.
JONAH: Yes, the Wah Pedal, sometimes called the Wah-Wah pedal, was a mainstay of 70’s era funk. It’s famous bow-chicca-wow-wow sound can be heard extensively on the albums of Isaac Hayes, Jimi Hendrix, and George Clinton’s P-Funk collective… and it’s still a mainstay of any self-indulgent prog-rock guitar solo today.
CROW: Yeah, and up until 1996 you legally couldn’t score an adult film without one!
JONAH: That’s true… It gets its name because of the distinctive “wah-wah” tone it produces, which sounds a little like a crying human voice, but we didn’t feel that went far enough, so, thanks to the miracle of modern micro-electronics, we’ve managed to condense, repackage, and squeeze an entire third “Wah” up into this sucker to create a brand new guitar pedal that makes any instrument sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher from the Peanuts specials.
TOM: It’s called the Wah-Wah-Wah Pedal, and Jonah, why don’t you play us a few licks.
JONAH (falsely modest): Oh, I mean, I might be a bit rusty, but… okay.
[Jonah gives the guitar a few normal strums, then places the pedal on the ground behind the console and then stomps on it. He starts jamming hard and giving us a face distorting epic guitar solo composed entirely of Charlie Brown’s teacher “Wah wah wah, wah wah wah wah” gibberish, that goes on maybe just a little bit too long.]
TOM: Yeah, yeah… that’s fine Jonah.
CROW: And it’s not just for guitars. It works on any instrument. Jonah, try that harmonica.
[Jonah grabs a harmonica off the desk and uses it in front of a microphone they have set on the console to produce a “Wah-wah wah-wah Wah-wah-wah-wah-wahhhh” harmonica version of Billy Joel’s “Piano Man.”]
CROW: (after the first bar) Wow. People always say modern music is soulless tone-deaf garbage, but now they can really mean it!
Jonah stops playing, turns angrily to Crown and standing in front of the microphone, emphatically curses him out… but all we hear is “Wah-wah! Whaditty wah-wah-wah!”
CROW: (super offended) Whoa! I can not believe you just said that!
TOM: Gentlemen, gentlemen, a little decorum. Everybody chilllll! Jonah, my man… we weren’t saying that YOU in particular were an atonal anathema to music… why, your soulless garbage sounds like sweet ambrosia to us!
CROW: Yeah, to our ears, you’re at least a solid 30% better than James Blunt.
TOM: Well I wouldn’t go quite that far. 15% at best.
Jonah calms down a bit, agrees he overracted and wah’s an apologetic “Wahhm wahh-whee” then turns to the camera and wahs a “wahhh dwoo woo whee whaas?”
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Golden Throat Coat Tea
MAX: Jonah, buddy… you are speaking my language. (he starts to chuckle, but his throat hurts and he winces painfully.)
KINGA: Don’t encourage him. Our invention this week is also based on another iconic instrument from the funky 70’s, but I’ve decided to use it to cash in on those trendy “non-GMO” herbal remedies that you can buy in the organic health foods aisle of any major grocery store. That’s right, we’re talking all natural homespun healing straight from the hydroponic moon farms of Kinga Forrester… and no pesky government certification standing between me and total homeopathic subjugation of those gullible fools back on Earth!
Kinga turns and shouts directly in Max’s face, then draws back serenely:
KINGA: Maaaaaax! (sweetly) How are you feeling today?
MAX: Oh wow… I don’t think you’ve ever asked me that before. I finally feel so noticed… I mean… (coughs slightly) I guess I feel fine, I’m fine… But you know, now that you mention it, (he hard swallows) I do have a bit of a tickle in the back of my throat…
I think it might have had something to do with those (voice starts to crack) fiberglass insulation throat swabs you’ve been having me test out all week… You know… [he swallows painfully] I don’t really think the R-value of those things is very…
KINGA (bored, cuts him off): Nobody asked for your life story, Max. [Smiles to the camera and holds up a box] Here… why don’t you try a soothing cup of new Gizmoplex brand Golden Throat Coat Tea!
MAX: (not realizing it’s a product spiel) Oh, that looks… Thanks. That’s thoughtful of you.
Max tries to take the box, but Kinga fights him, locked in smiling presenter mode.
KINGA [Through gritted teeth]: On the desk, Max.
[Max realizes what he’s supposed to do and reaches down out of camera and retrieves a large already brewed mug of tea that has a clear plastic tube snaking out of the top with a mouthpiece and then another tube coming out the bottom attached to a small keyboard, similar to what’s pictured on the box art. He shifts into a slightly nervous similar product placement voice.]
MAX: Ah… Boy. It smells delicious. I’m sure this ahh… completely FDA approved refreshing beverage will perk me right up.
(He notices the tube hanging out of the cup and is confused)
MAX: What am I supposed to…?
KINGA (hissing): Just drink it you dope.
Max puts the tube in his mouth and sips the tea through it like a straw, "mmm"ing approvingly. He is surprised to find the tea is actually pleasant and soothing.
MAX (In golden throat voice between sips): 
Ohh. Ohh Ohh yeah. I want to thank you (sip) for soothing my real sore throat… (sip) Ohhh that’s true…
[Max puts down the cup but continues to talk in the golden throat voice.]
MAX: That’s alright… That’s alright… Hey Kinga, I think you might’a brewed this a bit too strong.
KINGA: Yes, Golden Throat Coat Tea… 100% natural, organically sourced, only mildly irradiated, and recommended by 9 out of 10 members of Parliment Funkadelic.
MAX: Only nine? Which one of them didn’t approve?
KINGA (furiously) : Bootsy… It was Bootsy, okay.
That one wants to play hardball. Well, I can play hardball too… (She crushes the box of tea in her fist and begins to scheme internally) It’s time I took care of our little Collins situation permanently.
MAX (sensing Kinga’s mood, and pointing at his throat): I’m… I’m just gonna go sing Sweet Emotion until this wears off.
KINGA: Yeah, you do that… Back to you Jonah.
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A couple of others that I’ve posted previously in other threads. Based around the theme of the family meal:
In the Hosts corner, we’ve got the Stand-Up Sit-Down Meal; Which works on the premise that people on the go don’t have time for the traditional sit-down Sunday meal, so this replicates the experience by taking what’s essentially a KFC box with a TV dinner inside, attaching some folding legs (which fold out diagonally when you remove a catch from the underside of the box, then telescope out automatically using a spring and nested cylinders mechanism like a magician’s cane) some simulated bobble-head family members in the lid, and hidden in the base of the box is a modified See-and-Spell type device with a pull cord that will simulate all those awkward dinnertime conversations you remember from growing up like “Roast is a little dry this time, hon…” “Have you been looking for work?” “The Millers just bought another boat” “Panthers might make state championship this year…” “your cousin Millie is pregnant… again” and “when are you going to settle down and find yourself a nice girl/guy?”
And in the Mads corner, we’ve got The After Dinner Ejector Seat, for when you’re stuck at your in-laws and the meal is done, but people won’t stop yammering on. The perfect way to exit the dinner table before Uncle Walt starts discussing their vacation plans for the next year or the conversation shifts to politics or sports. Each leg of the chair is equipped with a rocket motor capable of generating 3000 lbs of thrust, so all you have to do is pull the lever built into the chair arm, and within 0.3 seconds you’ll be whisked safely away from the wreckage of the evening, before anybody can bring up the topic of grand kids.
(Though as the Mads discover, after sending Max through the ceiling and causing a hull breach, it really is best suited to patio dining)
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I am officially investing a crap-ton of money (go ahead and count it) in your super weird corporation or non-conventional business entity. (I am, after all, a real-life happy owner of a guitar pedal that does nothing but make fart noises – seriously!)
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Ha! Is it weird that I instantly knew exactly which pedal you were referencing?
Sadly, I do not own one myself.
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It is not perfect, but the conception was glorious. The pedal is programmable in the sense that you can transfer whatever audio files you want to the module inside the pedal and it will play those just as well as the fart files.
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So this type of humor really isn’t for the show the way it is. You’d need a mad that doesn’t understand that the premise is that inventions are supposed to be impractical without real world benefit and that pointing out actual horrors of society when you’re expecting to laugh is the real joke.
With that in mind:
Mad 1: I present the first ever line of all female chickens. No noisy roosters to wake you up, this line of chickens come from the breeding of two female hens and always produce female egg laying hens.
Mad 2: Wait, what?! You wasted how much of our R&D budget on this? We already have female chickens and they lay eggs.
Mad 1: Yes, but there’s no way to tell a chicken is a male or female until the egg hatched. So this prevents half of all those sweet chirping rooster chicklets from being ground up into dog food. 100% of our chickens are female, so (as he trails off realizing you can’t avoid a negative) they will be locked up into small cages in tightly packed warehouses where they will spend their lives laying eggs until they are ground up into dog food…
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For anybody looking for ideas but unsure where to start, I’ve found the best way is to begin with a “problem” prompt (or usually more like a daily inconvenience, since these are usually supposed to be consumer products) and then just think up an incredibly silly and impractical solution from there. Here’s a list of 50 I came up with a while back. Feel free to pick one that calls to you and just run with it. I’ve created several based on these prompts myself.
- Invent a new musical instrument
- Create an alternate to texting/smart phones
- Bring families together
- Get people to exercise more
- Make real life more like the movies!
- Help speed up housework
- Help people get back to nature
- Help people to relax
- Create a new alternative energy source
- Help everyday people become an artist
- Go retro (living in the past)!
- Help make reading fun
- Help keep people safe
- Modernize things (that don’t really need to be modernized)
- Make it easier to work from home
- Gifts for the grandparents
- Enjoy alcohol responsibly
- Help encourage recycling
- Help people stand out from the crowd
- Tell the future!
- Bring outdoor sports indoors
- Help people to eat more healthy
- Help make wars less violent
- Fashions… Of the future!
- Living on the go (make things portable)
- Better living… through puppets!
- Start people on the road to self-improvement
- Create new holidays
- Stay clean and neat
- Gifts for baby!
- Get people out of the house
- Get that job!
- help people quit smoking
- Make real life more like cartoons
- Love and affection (show that you care)
- Go big! (super-size things)
- Adulthood… for kids!
- Help people take back a bad decision
- Microliving/miniaturize
- Updated versions of old toys
- Live like a celebrity
- Safety inside the home
- Throw a party!
- New sports or sports mascots (to replace all the racist ones)
- Make Christmas even more commercial!
- Take inspiration from the animal kingdom
- Better living through balloons!
- Live like a ninja
- Create new theme parks
- Make life better for your pets!
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