Thanks y’all, I feel so much better about not having but like 2 papers published. 
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Please don’t judge yourself by the standards of people who don’t understand who you are and what you want. The people who care about publication counts are the people with high publication counts: if you aren’t looking to get a grant or score a job at Harvard the number of papers doesn’t really matter all that much. Don’t let them win, be proud that you have two papers published (most people have zero)!
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I’m not even trying to work in academia at this point so good to know it’s not going to be especially relevant anyway. 
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I had an article in Dragon magazine once. Does that count?
Oh, and Cricket published a letter to the editor I wrote when I was about 12.
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Wow, a gripe thread! I have more gripes than a mere website can contain. I know exactly how the world was broken, who is responsible, and how to fix it, if anyone would but listen.
Here’s a first thing: fast food ordering apps are all broken, without exception. I’ve been charged three times for food from McDonalds by one and no one would bother to correct it. I have a device on which Burger King’s app hides the checkout button. They’re garbage fires, yet often have special deals that are available nowhere else. It Is An Problem.
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Both are solid bona fides in my book!
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We’re here for you if you need us! I’m kind of a mess myself for various reasons, but I’m happy to talk via DM if you need someone to talk to.
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This is exactly why my professor father wrote dozens of books no one will ever read. And he even did it after he had tenure! He would get angry at colleagues who didn’t publish much.
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And that kind of thinking is what I want to avoid. If college is supposed to be about education, then, forcing your faculty to be constantly publishing in order to keep their jobs is not the way to go, but it’s about money and prestige mostly.
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I had a wisdom tooth pulled out and now it hurts and my mouth is numb and full of blood.
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It really isn’t, it is about bringing in money. Sadly that translates to a breakdown in priorities, which is one reason I prefer teaching at a community college: I like to be evaluated based on how I do the job I have on paper, not all the magic I should supposedly be doing to make sure that none of the football money has to be rolled back into academics (like that would ever happen).
It gets worse: papers take a LOT more work in my field than in many others. Do we get allowance for that at tenure time? Nope… if you can’t keep up with a ten person bio lab putting out dozens of papers based on one experiment, you are SOL.
I am so sorry! I remember that wasn’t at all pleasant for me, especially the new gaping holes in my mouth (I had all four pulled at once). Be sure to take your pain meds!
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Satellite of Luvz? 
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I managed to go this long without landing in Facebook jail or accidentally breaking a rule in a Facebook group that caused me to be muted or temporarily banned from commenting and posting. However, all good things must come to an end. Yesterday was meme dump day in this particular group, which is a group for bisexuals who like true crime. One of the memes I posted made fun of Jeffrey Dahmer. This is what caused an admin to temporarily ban me from posting and commenting. It’s not in the official group rules, but there’s a separate announcement saying you’re not allowed to joke about or glorify serial killers. The latter, I totally understand, and is something that happens too often in true crime fandom. Not being able to joke about it, however, seems to be a bit too much. Also, there were so many rules in this group, I was bound to step on toes. It’s not like these forums, where the mods seem to be very clear when it comes to the rules. Needless to say, I’m no longer a member of the group, because F that.
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I think most of us abide by the unspoken Rule #1 of the MST3K forums- Don’t be a dickweed.
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That’s similar to what was considered the first rule of roller derby back in the day–don’t be a douchebag.
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Wheaton’s Law is always a good starting place. 
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I totally get the not glorifying serial killers rule. That’s just plain wrong. But as long as you’re not making light of the victims, I think joking about the serial killers is fine because you’re lessening their power by making them ridiculous.
Besides, without joking about serial killers, we wouldn’t have had the riff, “They saved a lot of money by buying the old Gein place!”
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Spoilered to prevent banning 
Summary
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Don’t hit 
I thought the first roll of roller derby was to not talk about roller derby. thus why we’ve yet to hear much about your roller derby days
My gripe today is that I’m moving this weekend, and my mom and sister have a few last-hurrah appointments before our insurance switches at the end of the month, and my other sister is going camping with friends, and there’s all this stuff going on, and — two of our vehicles konked out yesterday. Not mine, thankfully, but now we’re playing musical cars trying to coordinate everyone to have a way to get to work and get home and do all they need to. My mom had to work overnight, my dad leaves for work at 4am, my sister can’t drive the car that’s stick shift, I’m trying to gradually bring boxes etc to my new place. This seriously couldn’t have waited til next week!!!? 
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GET THIS MAN TENURE, STAT!
We must be very reverent toward serial killers, lest someone say to themselves, “I like to make people laugh; Maybe I’ll kill random strangers, too!”
Amen, sistah!
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