321. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)

As noted, the Martian royal family names are contractions for King, Mom, Boy, and Girl Martian. Which is odd. Did Momar change her name when she got married and had kids? Why are they all named Martian when their entire planet is populated by Martians?

But also note that the upper left corner of their shirts have diamond-shaped badges. Each one has the character’s initial, some Martian symbols, and a number.

Naturally, Kimar is K 01. Momar is M 02. Fair enough, given that they’re the king and queen. But then things go sideways.

Bomar is B 05.
Girmar is G 11.

And then…

Hargo is H 03
Rigna is R 04
Dropo is D 06
Voldar is V 07

I can’t catch the others’ numbers at this resolution, especially with Joel and Servo blocking the view. Shim is 08 or 09, I think. Lomas must be the other. Stobo’s badge is covered by his coat.

So, apparently, Dropo outranks Voldar? And why is Bomar 5, while his sister is 11 and two minor henchmen are 3&4?

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That would explain why Voldar’s profoundly bitter for the entirety of the film.

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head explode GIF by FirstAndMonday

It’s like the name Smith or Jones I guess. “Resistance is futile”?

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I mean, Smith makes sense. It was an important and prestigious profession. A town likely only had one, assuming you didn’t have to travel to a bigger town to find a smith at all.

Likewise Miller. A mill, whether it was run off a paddle wheel in the river or sails turning in the wind, was basically the nuclear power plant of its day. Cutting edge technology that required specialized technical expertise to build, maintain, and operate. The ability to mill grain in large batches instead of having to do it by hand was a huge step forward, and the mill became just as much of a key facility for all the farmers in the area than the smith’s forge. As technology developed further, you could even hook the mill’s axle up to other things, such as a lathe, which was a wonder in itself. So, again, being the miller was notable and prestigious, and you weren’t likely to find more than one mill per town at most.

As for Jones, that’s apparently just a version of Johnson. Lots of guys had dads named John. But it was still a decent way to distinguish them from the guys with dads named Eric who also didn’t have a particularly noteworthy or unusual profession.

But if you ever met a guy named Bob Earthling, you’d probably have some suspicions.

I suppose it’s possible that the name Martian is specifically reserved for the royal family.

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No different than a mob boss named Corleone. It’s bound to raise concerns. Don Corleone? Who would do that? It’s the town!

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It was such a great coincidence that his parents named him Don and then he ended up being a mob boss.

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Vito Corleone was his American name when he was processed through Ellis Island and Don Corleone he became once connected to the Mob.

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That’s exactly why centuries ago all the Earthlings changed their name to the more innocuous sounding Mann.

But if you ever met a guy named Manfred Mann, you’d probably be blinded by the light.

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What are you suggesting? Ever since my great grandpappy, Genuine Earthling, came over on the mothership normal Earth transport we’ve been dealing with this kind of paranoia. Just because my grandpa, Normal Earthling, had an RV that just happened to be saucer shaped in his back yard doesn’t mean he had anything to do with all those abductions. And my cousin, Nonchalant Earthling, getting caught in secure government facilities just means that he’s got really bad luck for walking through the wrong door and getting trapped on the other side. We’re definitely not up to anything, or my name’s not Totally Innocent Earthling.

innocent futurama GIF

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Betty: “What are those funny looking things sticking out of your head?”

Kimar: “Those are our antennae.”

Betty: “Are you a television set?”

Voldar: “Is this what you want to do to our children on Mars? Turn them into nincompoops like these?'”

I gotta admit, Voldar’s argument is not without merit. Thanks a lot Betty, ya slack jawed yokel.

And nothing better captures the true holiday spirit than Joel’s “So’s your sister, and your mother swims out to troop ships!” line. Ho, ho, ho!

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“Santa Claus. Killed in Vietnam.”

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:notes:"On Christmas Day you’ll wake up and say!!! Hooray for Santy Claus!!!":notes:

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“You spell it Santa Claus, but you say it Santy Claus.”

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A classic for sure, so much so that it’s also gotten the Cinematic Titanic and Rifftrax Live treatment.

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Instead of “Claus” he writes “Claws”! Now that’s humorous. Today’s comedians could learn from this card.

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FWIW my (Latin) first name and (Anglicized German) surname translate to “Queen Shield-wolf” which sounds freakin’ metal :metal: but doesn’t make nearly as much sense as “King Martian” or “Bob Earthling.”

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“Oh, he’s fighting the cameraman now.”

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“Ah, Mr. Claus, you have a nasty habit of surviving.”

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“Kevin, this is no time to use the Nordic Track, come on, man!”

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