Yes, MST3K is an amusing show and all, but what have we learned?
Never grow a monster in a bathtub
You should never ask for anything unless you really want it
The real spirit of music is conformity through consumption
If you need something hidden, put it in a box marked Hamdingers
Whatever the point of The Bubble was
Modern society would collapse without springs
Accusing your parents is a valid legal strategy
Your local community center is a goldmine of dating activities
Never steal anything wet
Anything I missed?
DO NOT TAMPER IN GOD’S DOMAIN
Fer God’s sake, never complain about springs!
I learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature and because of it, the greatest in the universe. I learned too late for myself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection, they find only death…fire…loss…disillusionment…the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from man himself.
On that note, I learned that every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful, if we’ll just take the time to look at it.
-Watch out for snakes
-Winning an essay contest leads to a lifetime of crime
-Santa Claus’s biggest nemesis is Satan
-Forklifts are murder weapons.
-Giving an ok hand gesture actually means the exact opposite.
-Merlin has worked alongside Santa Claus and the Devil at different times.
-Greg Brady worked at a cotton picking farm.
-If killer shrews won’t kill you, alcohol will.
-You will go through a mountain range, freeze, and fall to your death over a collie.
-Teenagers turning into dictating giants won’t even get a slap on the wrist when back to normal size.
Florida is very Italian.
That’s not Sinbad!
Who Merritt Stone is.
Not to be named Paul.
The importance of getting beyond Thunderdome.
If a marriage is stretched too much…
Women in the sciences are only there to meet men. And they’re only attracted to men who are grabby, condescending windbags.
Being a woman in the sciences leads to being paraded in a negligee and then throttled because it turns out evil aliens hate coffee.
• I learned that I don’t get Crow. Or was it Tom I don’t get?
Kids’ brains taste better when they’ve been thinking about donuts.