I recently watched The Crawling Hand, where yet another guy named Paul had a bit of a monstrosity problem. Please, don’t name your kid Paul. It doesn’t end well, if MST3K movies are any guide, and who doesn’t guide their life by this show? I mean, there’s also Paul who is a warwilf, Electric Paul from The Projected Man, and California Lady Paul from Track of the Moon Beast. I’m not sure what exactly his deal is, but “constantly run into danger” Paul from Cry Wilderness has got to be some kind of malicious hellbeast. Between his buddy Bigfoot (or at least that bit from the neck down) and removing the eyes of his enemies he’s pretty dangerous. Look what happened to his dad when he tried to send Paul back to school.
The Crawling Hand also had a guy named Steve, and we know gangs of Steves are good atcapable of present when fighting monsters. I started wondering about the inevitable Paulpocalypse and whether the Legion of Steves would be able to save us. It might come down to whether we include Steve Reeves.
Who would win in this clash of the titans, and would we even care?
I chose Steve because, yes, the Pauls have issues, but they’re all defeated and most of the Steves are the good guys who win. Plus, that would mean we had Steve Reeves AND Steve Allen.
I think the Bobs would spend so much time monologing and backstabbing each other that they’d really just be there for the Pauls to take out and show what a threat they are.
